HIM

chapter 10: Maybe I do

When I came to, I was alone. Why move me to a different location? Jack must have been getting close. I debated on whether or not to run, before remembering that I don’t know my way back and would probably get caught or lost.

Even if I did want to run, I couldn't, I was in way too much pain. All I can do is wait and pray the police or someone finds me Before he does kill me. He has made threats, but they are all probably lies, still I believe them.. What will I tell the police?  I don’t really want to tell them anything that happened. But I know I will have to.
I don’t deserve this. But maybe I do. If I hadn't gone to the party I wouldn't be here. If I didn’t lie to Jack and just told him the truth, I wouldn’t be here. But I am. It’s all my fault.

I heard the door open and immediately froze. He came through the door with his phone. “Your boyfriend wants a picture.”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I said. He hesitated for a moment. “We need to rough you up a bit.” he said, putting his phone in his pocket. “You don’t need to do that. He just wants proof I’m alive. So just take a picture and send it to him-” He cut me off with a punch “DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!” I’m only trying to reason with him.
“I-I’m sorry.” I said as he grabbed me by my hair and threw me down and started kicking me. I tried to protect and defend myself, but failed. He grabbed my arms and slammed me up against the wall. He slammed my head against the door and threw me into another wall. I winced and fell to the ground. “If you ever think about leaving, or running, or telling Jack anything. I’ll get your sister and make you watch her suffer, go through the same thing you’re going through right now, I’ll bet she’ll love it, I’ll make you and Jack watch.” I felt my breath hitch. “You don’t have to do any of that.”

Maybe I should just do what he wants. I can’t let anything happen to Lily. I can’t put them through that just because of me. I don’t want to watch her suffer, I don’t know what I'll do. “I won’t leave, just don’t hurt her.” I said, “I knew you’d come around if I mentioned her. Get up.” I got up like he said. “Sit down” he said, I did and he took the picture.”good girl, I’ve been thinking, this whole thing hasn’t been fair; and it’s no fun if you’re unconscious. I want a challenge.” he said  untying me. And sending chills yet again down my spine.

He noticed and said “Uncomfortable?”
“No.” I lied worried about what he would do if I told him the truth. I was still sitting down on the bed. He came over and sat beside me. I felt myself tense up, he placed his hand on my thigh. “Stop” He squeezed my thigh and said “Why should I?”
“Because I don’t want your hands on me. Get them off.” I said,

“I do whatever I want to you, You’re mine to own. You’re my bitch now” he said moving  his hand upward, I started moving, realizing I had my chance to fight. I started moving trying to get his hand away from me.  I got his hand away from me. I stood up trying to run, he grabbed my arm and slapped me.”If I were you, I wouldn’t run. It will just make it worse.” he said, pulling me close to him. “Let go of me.”
“What was that?” he said. Practically throwing me on the bed, then hitting me a few times before pinning my arms above my head. “Get off me, get the hell off me.” I said, still fighting back.

“What will it take?” he said. “For what?”  I asked, trying to catch my breath getting tired of fighting. “For you to stop resisting. You know you want this,” Why would I want this? “No I don’t, I’ve been telling you to stop, that I don’t want it.”
“you’re a liar. You just want attention, no wonder Jack dumped you. You made things up just to get sympathy.” I tried to speak but he kept hitting me. Something made me want to be unconscious, maybe it’s just fear.

What was Jack doing? Was he even looking for me? Did he think I just made everything up?  Questions swarmed my head as I struggled against him, only to realize I was just hurting myself more. But I didn’t stop fighting. Even though he kept hitting me and calling me names, some mean and some would be sweet in any other situation. But to me I cringed at each one of them.
He kept saying that I deserved what was about to happen. And It’s all my fault. I knew it wasn’t but I still felt as if it was. Jack would probably think I was being silly, or got brainwashed. I always say ‘it is never the victim's fault’
And now here I am, blaming myself. God I feel so useless. I still fought back, I wasn’t going to give up.

I refused to let myself give up, I fought and continued to scream. “No one will ever be able to hear your screams and cries. Give up.”
“No!” I said, He took off his belt  “No?” he repeated. “NO ONE SAYS ‘NO’ TO ME!”  he said as he hit me with it about ten times.  well they should. “Just stop, please Just stop. And let me go, I won’t tell anyone what happened. Or that you took me.” I said desperate at this point. “Shut up you slut” he hit me with the belt across my face, and I whimpered. “Get off me.” I was slowly becoming powerless, and ashamed. He started kissing my neck, “Stop.”  then soon enough forced himself inside of me.
Just kill me already. Let it be over.