HIM

chapter 23: trusting again

We got out of the hospital, the nurse gave me some meds to help the pain. Now in the car driving to Jack’s parent’s house, the car ride was filled with a deafening silence, other than  the music which was low. I didn’t really feel like talking. Once we pulled up, he told me to stay in the car while he went in to talk to his parents, he locked the car before entering his house. When I was alone, in the car with no other presence, I somehow got lost deep in my thoughts, replaying everything in my head, becoming emotionally numb to everything.

About thirty minutes later he came back to the car, and told me they said it was fine, we grabbed the things we had, and entered the house. I walked slowly into the house, noticing the looks I got, His mother had a look of sorrow, and yet anger; his father looked as though he had no emotion at all. Keeping my head down, afraid of what they would say, if they said anything at all.
Jack grabbed my hand and pulled me into his bedroom. I felt safe, yet nervous being alone with him. I was afraid of what he would do, but knew he wouldn’t do anything. Well, I thought Rick wouldn’t either, now look at where I am.  I thought.

“Em, you good?” I heard Jack say, “what, oh yea… I’m fine.” I said still zoning out, feeling emotionally numb. “Okay, well you can sit on the bed if you want. You hungry?” He asked, Why is he caring about me so much? I shook my head. I couldn’t eat, I could barely move, I felt like a statue or like I was being suffocated. I felt trapped. “Okay. You wanna watch a movie, or talk?” He asked, “I don’t care.” I said, just above a whisper.

He put on a movie, turned off the light, and sat on the bed, I tensed up worried he would do something. He scooted back to where his back was touching the wall. He touched my shoulder, and I froze not really sure what to do; I looked back at him, he was motioning for me to do the same as him,and just relax. I did and the movie started, I noticed he put in my favorite movie Soul Surfer.
Why is he being so nice to me?

The movie ended, “you wanna talk?” Jack said sitting back on the bed, I shook my head, I didn’t want to talk about it, I didn’t want to go back to what happened, It wasn’t safe. He sighed, “Emma, I know this is hard, and difficult, and very emotional, but I need you to talk to me, I can’t afford to let you slip away, and it can help you. Do you trust me?” He said, “I don’t know… it isn’t safe...for me to talk about..it.” I finally said, now feeling guilty for hurting his feelings.

“This is a safe place, alright, you can talk to me. No one is going to find out what is said, other than the police.” He said attempting to make me feel safe. “I can’t, it isn’t safe, and I don’t want to get in trouble.”
“You aren’t going to get in trouble, okay. He can’t hurt you.” Jack seems to have a way with words, he knows exactly what to say to make a person feel safe.  “W-what do you want to know?” I asked, giving in. “I want to know what happened, from the night of the party, till I got there.” He said, “Okay, The night of the party, I went with Abby, She left with some guy, I got a drink, talked to you, went to the bathroom, I opened the door to walk out, and Rick was standing at the door, just staring at me. I got him to let me leave, and I talked to you, then you left, to get me another drink, then came back, soon everything became a blur, and next thing I know, I’m tied to a chair with a headache.” I paused for a moment, trying to register everything.
“I heard a door open, and saw that Rick is the one who kidnapped me, I tried asking him what he wanted, trying to reason with him; asking him to let me go. Nothing worked, he left, then about an hour later he came back and untied me. He grabbed my wrist and dragged me down the hall; and he threw me into some random room.” I paused again, not entirely wanting to continue, now getting uncomfortable. I started to get worried, I didn’t really want to go into detail.
“Um ...I landed on the bed, on my back, he mounted me then started hitting me, then I was unconscious. I still felt everything he did, almost like I was conscious ...” I knew I was beating around the bush, I debated on whether or not to just tell him straight up what happened. Although, he knew what I was implying. I studied his body language for a moment.

“I stayed in the room for a few days, the same thing happening multiple times each day. One day he came in and told me to get up, I did just slowly, but he seemed to be in a rush. He dragged me into the garage of his house; and forced me in the trunk. When he opened the trunk he grabbed me again and dragged me through the house and into the room I was in when you got there. I asked him what we were doing here, then I knew you must have gotten close. He told me to shut up, then started hitting me again. He reached for a black bag, I never found out what was in it. He grabbed me and pushed me on the bed, and pinned my arms above my head. He started hitting me more, in an attempt to make me go unconscious. There were only a few times I was conscious for what he did; And that was the day you got the picture.”

I paused yet again, studying his body language yet again. All I saw was sorrow. “The day you got the photo, he said he needed to ‘rough me up a bit’ . He did anything you can imagine, throwing, punching, kicking, anything. He told me that if I told you or anyone, he would go after lily, and make us watch. He told me to get up and then sit down, he said ‘good girl’ then noticed me cringe, and  said ‘uncomfortable’ I lied and said no, he sat down then …. He put his hand on my thigh, I tried to push his hand away, but it just made everything worse. He hit me a lot, then pushed me down; He pinned my arms above my head, and got on top of me, I told him to get off, he just said, ‘What is it going to take?’ I asked him what he meant. He said ‘ what will it take for you to stop resisting, you know you want this.’ It was at that moment I wanted to just die. I heard him messing with his belt, and he hit me with it, then he forced himself inside me, that’s all I can really remember.” I stopped trying to not cry.
“The same thing happened for a few days, then one time it got way out of hand, the most I remember is him throwing me into the wall. And broke my arm. He left, then I decided to hide, after having a mental breakdown, I didn’t know when he would be back, so I just hid in the closet. He came in, and found me, slapped me over and over, then punched and kicked me, I fell on the floor, then he grabbed me and threw me into the wall and door; slammed my head against the wall. I assumed he was trying to make me go unconscious again. He had his way again… he did whatever he wanted, then he beat me again, then pulled the gun out and held it to my head. Then you showed up. And you know what all happened next.” I finished. On the verge of tears, yet holding them back. Although eventually I broke down again.

That was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, and I might have to do it all again. I can’t believe I told him, Rick is still alive, he’ll go after Lily. I can’t have that, I can’t let that happen. I can’t watch her go through the same thing I did. I just can’t.