HIM

chapter 25: relief

I have to admit, I was hesitant to tell Jack what had happened. Yet telling someone actually felt good, just having someone to talk to. For a moment I thought he was going to hit me or something by how hard he was clenching his fist. But knew he wouldn’t. I felt weight being lifted off my shoulders. I felt as though I couldn’t tell the difference between reality and fantasy, what was real and what was not, what was truth and what was a lie. I didn’t know myself, couldn’t recognize myself anymore.

Are my thoughts this horrible?  Am I a horrible person? Not knowing what to do sucked, I tried planning out the conversation like I typically would. Sometimes I plan out conversations with people I know, for example, if I say something, the person I'm talking to will either say one thing, or the other. This is something I’ve always done, even without noticing. Although there is always a curveball. They could say something completely different than what I intended.

All my life I’ve been a closed book, and a reserved person; to open up to anyone just didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel safe to tell people things, even though everyone tells me I can trust them, I don’t. I’m shielded, guarded; like a person in a locked room, searching for a way out. I’ve never opened up to anyone, so when I did, I felt relieved that I didn’t have to hide it anymore, Yet hoping they wouldn’t tell everyone.

Would he do that?  “Jack.” I whispered. “Yea.” He said looking at me.
“P-Please don’t tell anyone.” I hesitated for a moment. “I would never do that. This is your story to tell.” He said in a comforting voice. I didn’t realize I  was shaking until I saw his eyes scanning my face for any emotion or hint to why I was shaking. Would it be weird to just break?  “You okay?”
“Yeah…” I said trailing off. “You want to watch another movie.”
“Sure,” I said quietly, almost too quietly. He put in another movie I couldn’t tell what it was, until He pressed play and I heard the theme song.
Titanic, my other favorite movie, my mother says I'm obsessed with the movie, and the Titanic in general.

I could quote the whole movie but I couldn’t stop thinking about what I just said. Was it a good idea to tell him? What if he’s playing me? What if he tells everyone? What if he tells Rick I told him? What if he has been on Rick’s side this whole time? What if he twists the words around? What if he tells the police I’m framing Rick? All these ‘what if’ questions running through my head. I could ask him, although he would probably lie, and deny everything. I was drowning in my own thoughts.

Jack’s phone rang causing me to jump a little, He answered then said he had to go. He told me I had to go with him, and that he wasn’t leaving me here alone.