HIM

chapter 21: healing process

I woke many times due to nightmares. I hated going to sleep, all I saw when I closed my eyes was memories of what happened. Jack kept his promise, when I woke up, he was there. I know that what happened wasn’t my fault and that I'm not in trouble, but I am now. I left some part of the truth out, I didn’t tell them I shot Rick, if they found out, the DA will charge me as an adult. I’ll go to prison for years, if not my whole life.


I slowly sat up in the hospital bed, wondering what time it was. “What time is it?” I asked getting Jack’s attention. “It’s eight-thirty.” He said repositioning himself in the chair. I sat up a little more, realizing how much pain I really was in. Jack noticed but didn’t say anything. Thank God. I thought as I finally sat up all the way.

“What are you thinking about?” I asked, noticing him being very quiet.
“Oh, uh-um nothing.” I studied his body language, “You’re lying.” I said catching him off guard. “Rick called me.” He said, I froze, He’s alive, he must be so angry with me. “He called me, and said ‘Hey bud,you really thought your little whore, could kill me.’ I asked if it was Rick and he said ‘Yep, I’m alive, I’d keep a really close eye on your girl, I’m coming for revenge, and I’ll bring some friends next time’” He said.  He is coming after me? He knows where I live, I can’t go home, I can’t tell my parents about what happened.

“Are you okay?” Jack asked, snapping me out of my thoughts. “I can’t go home.” He sighed, “I know you can't, when are you going to tell me why?”
“Part of the reason why is because he knows where I live. The other part, I can’t tell you, I just don’t want to go home.” I said hoping to be done with the conversation. “You can tell me when you’re ready.” He said, I nodded and the nurse came back in to check on me yet again.
I can’t believe I have to stay here another night, I just want to go somewhere, just not home. The nurse asked me questions, then she left, after telling me when I could leave. “You hungry?” Jack asked again, I figured I would just say that I was this time, instead of him getting me food either way. It didn’t matter what I said he would still get me food, and try to get me to eat. I nodded my head, and he left to get food.

While he was gone, I had some time to think, and watch tv. I began wondering Why Rick chose me as his target. I never did anything to him. The most hurtful thing I may have done was not smile at him when he smiled at me in the halls at school. I hardly ignored him. But what he did to me was wrong, I wondered if he thought if he got me alone, and did whatever, That it would make me like him. He is wrong if he thinks that. Why would someone like the person who took them after they kidnapped  and violated them?
Jack came back with food, yet again snapping me out of my thoughts. He handed me the food, and we started eating. I ate slower than him, realizing how lucky I am to be alive, with going two weeks without food or barely any water. I finally finished my food, and we started watching tv. After about twenty minutes of watching tv, I looked over and realized that Jack was asleep. I didn’t wake him, so I just continued to watch tv.
He woke up about an hour later, “Hey, did you tell the police about what Rick said?” I asked as he sat up. “I had the phone on speaker. So they heard what he said, they have a warrant out for his arrest. They’ll get him.” He said, I somehow became more calm, knowing that he would be put in custody. I feel like all this is my fault. I thought but never said. I didn’t want pity or sympathy for what happened. I still felt guilty for what I did to Rick, even if I said it was self defence on the stand, the defence would rip me apart, and I’d be put in jail.

Jack knew I felt guilty still, he knew my point of view on this whole situation. He probably thinks I lied to the cops, which I didn’t. I just didn’t tell them everything, but that’s a felony, which means I would go to jail. Just calm down. I thought I was getting way ahead of myself. I hated letting my thoughts get the better of me, controlling me. I just hated everything so much. I don’t think I’m getting much sleep tonight if I keep thinking about these things.
I didn’t want to do anything. But all I wanted to do was sleep, peacefully. I’m filled with anger, fear, sorrow, pain, agony, all at the same time and it’s confusing me. I didn’t know what to do, I couldn’t go for a walk, I couldn’t move without wincing in pain. I couldn’t do anything.
I felt…...Useless, What’s the point, If I can’t do anything in peace, and without pain then what’s the point. Rick already said he was coming for revenge, he said he’d bring friends. I’m not safe anywhere. Where am I going to go when I get out of here?

So many thoughts, and visions, filled my head. I heard my name, and was caught off guard.  “Yea.” I said quietly. “I asked if you’re okay.”
“I’m fine,” I said looking back at the tv. “You sure?” he questioned. “Yea.” I said hoping he wouldn’t ask or say anything else. “Em.” I looked at me somehow already knowing that I was worried. “Where am I going to go?” I eventually said,
“Well, you could come stay with me for awhile. Since you don’t want to go home.” He said,

If he knows the real reason I don’t want to go home, I'd be in even more trouble. I can’t tell him but something in me wanted to. “He knows where you live, doesn’t he?” He said, I nodded. That is only part of the reason I don’t want to go home. “Well, he knows where I live too, but I’ll talk to my parents.” He said,
“Will I have to be there?” I asked, getting both curious and nervous.
“Yea.” I started to panic just a bit at the thought of me being in front of his parents. “Could you just talk to your mom, and she can talk to your dad?” I said, he nodded. Let this plan work.