fire emblem x readers | UNDER REVISION

Sickly | Ferdinand von Aegir

[warnings: vomiting, self-neglect]

"I haven't seen her eat in a week."

"She hasn't gone to the dorms in a while, just the library or the training grounds."

"No, she's been to her room, but the light's been on all night. She's probably studying instead of sleeping."

Your actions concerned your friends. You seemed to be distancing yourself from everyone, spending all of your time studying and training. Day by day, you were looking more muscular and strong, but less healthy. Your skin had paled and you had lost a lot of weight, but the bags under your eyes added a few pounds from how large they were.

Even now, you held your weapon steadily in your hands as you walked out of your room towards the training grounds. Everyone else sat at dinner, watching you pass with concern. They couldn't watch much longer.

Edelgard slammed her hands on the table, catching everyone's attention. "We all must be thinking the same thing."

The table stayed silent, gears turning in their heads.

"We can't just let her continue with this." Their house leader continued,  "She's going to end up in the infirmary or dead if she keeps on. This has gone on for too long."

"But who is going to talk to her? We all know how she gets sometimes- we don't wanna deal with that." Bernadetta replied, shivering at the thought of you being upset with her.

"I agree. The wrath of Y/N is one that I do not wish to endure. Especially since she has had very little rest. She must be quite tired and irritated." Petra agreed.

"Ferdinand," Edelgard said. Said boy lifted his eyes towards the girl and placed down his cup. "Go talk to Y/N. Bring her some dinner and get her to rest for once. Do whatever it takes, we have a mock battle coming up soon and need one of our strongest soldiers healthy."

Ferdinand's eyebrows furrowed. "Me? Why don't you go? I'm sure you're better suited for softness than I-"

"No, no, Edelgard's right!" Dorothea butted in, getting ready to play her charms into the boy, "You're so strong, and smart, and so great. She'll listen to you better than she will us because you're so superior. If she sees that someone of such status is worried, it may get her to stop. You two are close, right? You're the only one she might listen to."

"I see what you're trying to do, Dorothea," Ferdinand huffed, "but nonetheless, I shall go. It would seem heartless if I didn't, and I can't have people thinking that I'm not caring. It damages the image."

With that, the orange-haired boy stood up and walked towards the counter, taking another plate and walking out of the dining hall. As he left, Edelgard sat with a small smirk on her face.

"Good idea choosing him," Dorothea praised, "If she sees that he cares, maybe she'll get the nerve to confess. And finally take care of herself-- stupid girl."

Edelgard nodded, but then put her head in her hand. "If Ferdinand could get his head out of his ass, maybe he'd show that he's actually concerned about her. But I suppose this will have to do."

Ferdinand walked steadily across the Monastery, stopping at the door of the training grounds. He pushed open the door in time to see you finish swinging at a dummy and collapse on the floor on all fours, breathing heavily.

You heaved and coughed, shuddering. The heaving continued as you hunched further into a ball, suddenly releasing the few contents of your stomach. You shuddered once more and wiped your mouth, before standing up and grabbing your weapon once again. Taking a deep breath, you raised it and readied your stance to fight again, as if you didn't just throw up.

"That was quite a sight to see." Ferdinand's voice startled you, making you whip around and aim your weapon at him. He put his free hand up in surrender. "Hey, it's just me. I came to check on you."

You huffed and turned back around to the dummy. "I'm not hungry, and I don't need to be checked on."

"Bullshit. You haven't eaten at all in the past few days. I'm- we're worried about you."

"I'm fine, okay?" You didn't mean to snap, but you were a little embarrassed.

Ferdinand took a step back at your harshness. Your eyes softened a little.

"Listen," you sighed, "I'm sorry. But I just can't. I need to work harder to get better, I'm sure you understand."

"I do understand, but not when you neglect yourself in favor of it. If you don't eat and sleep, then you only get worse. Y/N, what's truly wrong?"

You stayed quiet and sat down on the edge of the training ground's wooden floor. Ferdinand joined you. He handed you the plate of food, now slightly cold, but you just picked at it. There were a few minutes of silence as you tried to find the words to say, but showing such vulnerability was difficult after you'd drilled strength into your head for weeks now. 

"I just am not good enough," You started, "No matter how much I try, I'll never be as strong as Edelgard or Dimitri, or you. My father- he's disappointed. I'm not the person he wants me to be and the letters that he sends me are so demeaning. Telling me I'm nothing, that at the rate I'm going I'll never be a good leader after him. I need to get stronger."

You suddenly sniffed and Ferdinand stiffened. You were crying. What should he do? You've never cried before. He awkwardly reached around you, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and pulling you into his side lightly. His other hand rested in your hair, playing with it a little.

You continued to cry quietly into his shoulder, your fingers gripping onto his uniform and unable to stop. Ferdinand could only lay his chin on your head.

"It's okay," He whispered as if he was afraid that the wrong words would make you break further. "You are strong. You're a good fighter, an honorable leader, and you'll be an even stronger person after you get through this."

"I'm obviously not strong if I need help." You huffed, your voice muffled in his shirt. Ferdinand could just tell you were rolling your eyes, even if he couldn't see you. 

"Asking for help is one of the strongest things someone can do. I know I certainly have trouble asking, so you're already stronger than me. Y/N, I care about you way too much to let you continue to hurt yourself like this." You felt lips press against the top of your head. Your body warmed and you smiled slightly, but you were interrupted by a yawn. It seemed as though it was all starting to catch up to you. 

Ferdinand laughed softly and stood up, reaching his hand out to you. You took it and rose to your feet as well, but instead of letting go, the man beside you intertwined his fingers with yours. He began pulling you towards the dorms.

"You need a nap. And I'll be staying with you because I know you'll get back up and train again the minute I go." Ferdinand jokes, "But luckily for you, I'll never leave you."