fire emblem x readers | UNDER REVISION

FE3H as quotes my friends have said

black eagles

edelgard: "i don't have time for body shots, [name], im a LESBIAN"

hubert: "why are you crying" "[edelgard] says she hates me"

bernadetta: "either i'm sweating or i peed myself" "you can't tell?" "i don't know man i'm trippin ASS"

linhardt: "bitch shut up!! no one is asleepin' "

caspar: "you wanna hear good music? listen to madonna. a classy bitch."

dorothea: "my tits enter the room before i do"

petra: "he's a big bear." "who's a big bitch?"

ferdinand: "women don't need rights because i fuck men"

blue lions

dimitri: "my clothes are baggy and layered to hide my horse dick"

annette: "ugh is he really still alive? in this economy?"

mercedes: "that's geraldine. i hated her. she's dead now."

felix: "i might be gay but these hands bisexual baby i'll fight anybody"

sylvain: "i take the morning after pill like it's a vitamin"

sylvain pt 2: "why are you here? the brothel's down the road."

ashe: "his dad adopted him from the clearance section" 

dedue: "im a giant. fe fi fo FUCK"

ingrid: "i had a filet mignon" "i don't eat fish."

golden deer

claude: "you never tell us how you feel." "... when's the last time you really looked at your butthole"

hilda: "FUCK HER imma put her in a nursing home and i hope nobody adopt her"

ignatz: "im simply THROBBING with knowledge."

raphael: "he's muscular but you can still tell that's not the arm he beats his schmeat with"

lorenz: "ah, children screaming. doesn't that make you happy?"

lysithea: "you think i'm a 12 year old virgin? WRONG, im a 16 year old virgin"

leonie: "im gonna date every man you like. even your dad. how are you gonna feel when i'm your new mom, huh?"

ashen wolves

yuri: "what goblin are you talking to?" "YOU MOTHERFUCKER"

balthus: "i don't know what the FUCK goin on here but my pp itches"

hapi: "you think you're the shit? wrong, you're just regular shit."

constance: "it's so weird to be outside. im in the sun, soakin up them HD rays"

others

male byleth: "you get detention for saying the f word" "bruh what the fuck"

female byleth: "we usually make fun of her but her dad just died so we can't right now"

rhea: "this isn't a democracy, fuck face."

shamir: "i'll just use my lunch money to buy a bottle of vodka instead"

catherine: "im the reason the block party turns into a glock party"

hanneman: "hey hey HEY don't touch your grandma like that"

flayn: "what grade are you in?" "i-i don't know"'

seteth: "only god makes mistakes"

manuela: "im a doctor. first name brief, last name case. dr briefcase"

jeritza: "i have no time to be snorting cocaine off of someone's dick."