fire emblem x readers | UNDER REVISION

first date worries. | sylvain

"you're absolutely breathtaking. care to join me for some tea this evening?"

"what do i do? oh no, professor! he's gonna think i'm ugly and stupid and he won't ever like me!"

you paced around the blue lions classroom, your heart pounding. byleth watched you, her eyebrows furrowed in worry. finally, she walked over to you and sat you down.

"first, you need to chill," she started, "secondly, i hate to tell you this, but it's sylvain. you know how he is, especially when it comes to girls. he's got a big heart, but he doesn't know how to use it. just- don't get your hopes up, y/n, you know him."

you sighed. "yeah, but who knows? maybe he's serious about me."

byleth stood up, gathering her papers. she placed her hand in your hair and ruffled it a little. "you know him. be safe and have fun."

with that, she walked out of the classroom.

you walked worriedly all the way to your dorm to get ready to meet up with sylvain. you chewed on your lip, your nerves becoming nearly unbearable.

you had liked sylvain for quite a while now, as had many girls in the monastery. despite seeming so open with so many females, he was still so closed off. he intrigued you to no end. you wanted to get close to him- to be the one he'd finally open up to and settle down with. the one he'd finally truly love.

but you feared that such a wish may be impossible. the red head was only interested in short flings, never once explaining to the girl just why he has to break her heart. you didn't want to meet the same fate, but it wouldn't hurt to try.

if you wanted to try so badly, then why were you so scared?

was it fear of rejection? not being good enough? or was it the fact that something- a dream- that you had imagined for so long is finally happening, but it has a better chance of crumbling than thriving?

you stumbled, your head beginning to ache.

it'll never work out.

you were almost to your room, then you could lay down for a bit until it was time to meet him.

he'll never love you.

you placed your hand against the wall, using it as a support as you continued to traverse to your room. only a few more steps.

give up. don't go to tea with him.

you'll only get hurt.

you collapsed onto the floor, your hands gripping your hair. the anxiety kept growing, gnawing at your conscience and eating away at your resolve.

you're nothing to him.

he'll just leave you.

like everyone else has.

what if you spill tea on yourself? on him? he'd hate you. you could trip over your feet and he'd laugh. you would say the wrong thing and he'd stand up and pour his tea over you, laughing and laughing. everyone would be around you, laughing.

no.

it'll be okay. don't give him your heart until he gives you his.

you stood up and brushed yourself off, still dizzy. you walked into your room, getting ready for tea.

you looked in the mirror one last time before leaving again. you were paler than normal, your eyes slightly puffy and red from crying. the doubts still lingered in the back of your head as you shut the door, making your mind pound in sync with your rapid heartbeat.

sylvain came into your sight as you walked towards the tea table. he smiled slightly and beckoned you towards him. every step you took was nearly painful. you trembled with every breath. so many things could go wrong. they couldn't. they had to go right. they had to go right.

your knees collapsed.

———

"...stress. she should be okay, but she needs rest. whatever it was to make her this way doesn't need to happen again."

your eyes fluttered open to the brighter lights of the infirmary. your vision cleared to see manuela talking to sylvain, whose eyes were laden with concern. manuela then left and sylvain turned toward you, breathing out a sigh of relief when he saw that you were awake.

he walked to you and grabbed your hand, sitting in the chair next to your bed. "what happened?"

"oh, i just wasn't feeling to well." you replied.

"yeah, no shit. but why?"

"probably just ate a bad dinner-" you began to lie.

"bullshit. the dinner we ate tonight is your favorite. the cooks always make sure to make it the way you like." sylvain calls out, "tell me the truth."

you sigh. "i really like you, okay? and i wanted tea to be perfect, but i overthought everything. it made me panic a lot and i had been anxious ever since you asked me. i guess i just couldn't handle it. im sorry."

"why would you panic over me?"

"because you're so- so unreachable!" you cried, "every girl fawns over you and you prance amongst them like some playboy fairy, not caring who you hurt. i was scared that i'd end up being hurt as well."

sylvain looks down at your hand and intertwines your fingers with his. "do you want to know why i do that?" you nodded. "girls only want me for my crest. im afraid of committing to one girl after so many have tried to use me. they don't want me for me looks, personality, anything. they want the crest of house gautier and that's it."

"so, you leave girls when you think that they want to use you?" sylvain doesn't make eye contact. his silence tells you of his agreement. "what about the girls who truly like you? the ones who wouldn't use you?"

"i- i don't know. i don't know who i can trust anymore. i wanted to take you to tea in order to see if you had bad intentions, but now that everything's out i just don't know." his voice was fragile, like it was about to break at any moment.

"in order to rebuild your faith in people, you have to start small. trust one person, and then go up. life is miserable if you think that every single person is out to hurt you." you cup his face in your hands to make him look at you. the innocent look in his eyes makes your heart hurt- you didn't know the poor boy had ever felt this way.

"o-okay." he nods, "i want to try. but please be patient with me, i can't guarantee everything will be immediately better."

"oh darling, i'm willing to help you as much as you need. and i'm honored to be the person you trust."

you pressed a kiss to his nose. he scrunched it up and smiled, resting his hands on yours on his face. "once you're feeling better, can we redo this first date?"