Hi, I'm Kurt. A binge-drinking, pill-popping disco diva with a heart of platinum and an appetite for self-destruction.
Welcome to Sleepless Solitude: The True-Life Journals of a Xanax'd Millennial (Part 1 of 2).
Adapted from a collection of nightly...
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June 14
I just looked at myself in the mirror before getting into bed. We have a serious problem on our hands. Well, actually, we have a serious problem on our tummy, ass, and thighs.
I literally cannot stop eating. I eat all day, every day. I even stopped at the grocery store on my walk home from work tonight, just because I was bored and felt like I needed to spend some money. I dropped $8 on a bag of sour candy, Goldfish crackers, and some baby carrots. Great combo, you fucking idiot.
Work was a joke. I didn't confront anyone on the uniform issue. I probably will tomorrow, though. After making some decent headway on an engagement project, I stopped working on Clubhouse items and switched to my own to-do list. I did some personal writing during the last hour of my shift, while eating a large bowl of macaroni and cheese. I'm a real go-getter at the office. When work was finished, I walked home, bought my junk food along the way, and then prepped tomorrow's lunch, cleaned, and got high. I also watched half of Showgirls.
I could have been 1,000 times more productive today. I wasn't. And it's pissing me off. I barely even wanted to do my sit-ups tonight at the Witch Cave. I'm not even reaching 1,000 anymore. Before my foot surgery, I was crunching out 1,500 sit-ups every day. I also need to start running again. I can literally feel stretch marks all over my body, slowly creaking open like the sound of the door in Michael Jackson's "Thriller." Fuck, no. I am becoming the "Thriller" monster! I even have the sharp pointy toe to match. Oy. That's it. I'm only eating salad tomorrow. When this pin is finally removed from my toe, it's going to be Pride. I need to be fuckable by then! In order for such a miracle to take place, I basically have to stop eating now. Shit!
I was thinking about the Pulse shooting more and more today. As I read and learn more about everything, I think what I'm seeing happen is a real shift in society. There's a movement happening.
It's weird. When I first heard about the shooting, I thought it was just another random incident. It's sad to say, but such tragedies aren't exactly uncommon in the US these days. It didn't initially click with me that the shooting was directed at LGBTQ. I'm not sure if it's because I haven't ever felt completely connected to the gay community, if I've been desensitized, or if it's that I'm naive and don't think of things that way. I don't know. Nonetheless, as the tragedy sinks in, I'm realizing more and more that this was an attack on the LGBTQ community, and my brothers and sisters are really angry about it. I'm angry, too.
I feel like we are on the verge of a major cultural shift. A lot of people from the LGBTQ community – a community which has been oppressed and abused throughout history – have now been graphically reminded of their painful past. The turned eyes, the systematic discrimination, and the fact that we still aren't viewed as equal. Enough is enough. There needs to be a change. Considering the current response to this terrorist attack, it certainly seems like that change is now on the horizon. Gay men can't even donate their blood to help their dying friends. It's insanity.
