Sleepless Solitude: The True-Life Journals of a Xanax'd Millennial (Part 1 of 2)

June 4

June 4

Woke up early to make sure I had everything ready for today's Love-In. As usual, there were a hundred things I'd put off, but I still managed to get all of the food ready, make a playlist, eat, clean, workout, and iron my clothes. I...was...ready!

I met Connor at the subway, and we took transit to Trinity Bellwoods Park together. It was an absolutely gorgeous day. Hot, sunny, and not a cloud in the sky. The weather was perfection. When Connor and I arrived at the park, we saw the elusive white squirrel, which could only mean one thing: good luck.

After staking our claim in the exact same spot as last year, Connor and I were then joined by Lauryn. Right from the start, I could tell that Lauryn was in a weird mood. Something felt off. Not to mention, she was also wearing black and didn't bring anything to sit on – two of the three rules for the Love-In! Lauryn brought me a small birthday cake and a few gifts, which was so thoughtful of her. I love my friends.

Soon after, the three of us were then joined by Dan and Evan, then Natasha, her sister Nicky, Audrey, Kyle, Alison, Kate, Becky, and a few other stragglers that the crew had invited. It was the perfect day. Everyone brought something different to the party – both physically and vibe-wise – and it all contributed to a perfect balance.

Everyone had a great time at the Love-In. Kate and Becky brought a massive cooler with them, which I was convinced contained an entire grocery store. As the sweetest person alive, Kate also surprised me with me two t-shirts and a bottle of champagne. Honestly, even writing this now, I am still on such a high from everything. I genuinely cannot remember the last time I had that much fun. Right from the start, the Love-In was pure happiness. Every second of it.

After continuing to dwell in her strange mood, Lauryn ended up leaving the park early. I understood, though. We all go through our funks, and Lauryn just had to ride hers out. Later, Lauren admitted to me that she was feeling socially anxious at the park. I couldn't argue with that. I know the feeling all too well. Lauryn was also really hungover after going out last night, so none of this surprised me.

I get really defensive about my friend groups sometimes. Despite our individual relationships, it's sometimes a gamble in hoping that two separate friends will mesh well with one another. I encountered a bit of this issue with Natasha today. Not so much on her end, though. I'm sure a lot of this is in my head, but I felt there were moments today when a few of my friends were judging the words coming from Natasha's mouth. It made me uncomfortable.

Truth be told, I would throw anyone under a bus to save Natasha. Natasha is my everything. If you start to fuck with that, you're not going to come out on top. I see so much of myself in Natasha, as well. When my best friend is being herself, having fun, and doing whatever the hell she wants, nothing makes me happier. I don't want anyone to ruin that for her.

Aside from the Natasha stuff, which was really just a brief moment over the course of an entire day, everything was perfect. I felt extremely loved by everyone. I also know that all of my friends had a great time, which was most important to me. Peace, love, and happiness was all I really wanted from the Love-In.

Before I got to the park this morning, I was actually sort of worried. My nerves didn't have anything to do with the Love-In itself, though. I was worried about Natasha's boobs.

Over the last few weeks, I had casually mentioned to basically everyone at the Love-In that Natasha had her titties done last month. Considering the fact that Natasha had been announcing her surgical intentions to anyone and everyone for the last three years, I thought it was simply common knowledge. However, while commuting to the park, it dawned on me that perhaps Natasha didn't want people to know. Meanwhile, here I was having told everyone about her new cup size. Uh oh.

Within an hour of being at the park, all of my worries had been washed away. Almost immediately after arriving, Natasha introduced her new twins to the group. After a few cocktails, some shots, and joints – we ended up smoking eight of the nine doobies I brought – Natasha also had her tits out for all of Bellwoods to see.

Natasha was the life of the party today. That was the best birthday gift I could have asked for. You either love us, or you hate us. Get on board, people! Otherwise, we're simply going to run you over. I felt a real sense of pride and happiness for Natasha today, too. You could just tell that she was so happy with herself. There was no sense of guilt or shame, which was another something I had worried about with her new boobs. I seem to do a lot of worrying.

We got ice cream, flew kites, listened to music, played games, smoked, drank, and some of us even indulged in my Xanax. Today was everything I wanted it to be. A perfect Love-In, if I do say so myself.

The majority of the crew stayed at the park until about 6:30 p.m. or 7 p.m. By that time, we were all exhausted. The plan was to reconvene later in the evening around 10 p.m., though.

Hobbling home from the park in my intoxicated haze, I managed to get myself a full meal at Chipotle. I then proceeded to gorge on my burrito, chips, and guacamole in bed, while watching Back to the Future. I passed out at 9 p.m., woke up at midnight, looked outside and saw that it was pouring rain, and then went back to bed at 1 a.m.

What a fantastic anniversary.

Goodnight xo