It burns..
It really burns..
Birds singing, wind touching me with such delicate hands,
Waves, hot sand.
Burning sun.
Gasping.
I force myself to open my eyes as I feel the familiar sensations again.
Deja Vu..
"You finally woke up."
I flinch with the voice of him.
Oh. It is him.
Grayson.
"You have been sleeping for 3 hours dude."
I rub my eyes, cleaning the sand on my butt.
Yeah.
Deja Vu..
"Why didn't you wake me up?"
I ask him, normally. My heart is beating so fast but this time I am gonna try to be more relaxed so that I can maybe find some clues about what is happening, and why he doesn't know we are in a dream and that he is dead.
I look at him, and I realize we are so near to the sea this time, water slightly touches our feet.
"I love this," he tells me, chewing a gum and a naughty smirk on his face.
I ignore my longing, and force myself to not say anything about real life this time.
"You love what?"
"Beach, sea, sand and you."
His confident voice and the way he says it directly without even hesitating is something I didn't expect from him.
I look at somewhere else, trying not to blush.
"Did you just-.."
I hear a popping sound and gulping.
Sprite.
"Yeah I just told you I love you. Want some Sprite?"
The sound of the waves calms my mind and for once I feel in peace.
Grayson looks at the sky, closing his eyes, mumblingly singing a song.
Wait.
So, he doesn't remember the last time we went to the forest and sat down under a massive tree and things I told him about feeling guilty because I never realized he was upset enough to kill himself?
My brain is fucked.
Nonsense.
"Where do you find those Sprites dude, it is the second bottle you are drinking today."
I tell him, like it is normal.
It is still morning so it has to be the same day in this world.
He giggles, not even caring about drinking Sprite while chewing a gum.
I smile at the fact that he is still the same person even in death.
He suddenly gets closer to me, looking me in the eyes and popping his gum.
"What are you doing?"
Strawberry.
I can smell his gum.
"Looking at you."
Grayson has never been this confident about what he is doing.
I wonder what is going on inside his head.
"What is going on with you I really don't understand you."
I say.
"Abu Dhabi's air makes me crazy more than ever."
He answers me, and it makes me remember what I have to do this time.
I look around us if we have our phones or not.
Sprite, and gums.
That's all we have.
Not even a sun cream.
"Hey," I say. "Sorry for being dummy but, do you know what date is it today?"
He sighs as his expression changes in a kind of sad one.
It makes me wonder.
"14th of June"
It is 19th of June in real life..
I stare at his neck to see the rope mark again.
"And what is the year?"
He gives me a look that makes me feel stupid.
But I have to understand.
"Sun is not good for you" he says, standing up.
I stare at his body and remember how he used to like swimming by himself.
"Are you going to swim?" I ask him.
He grabs his Sprite and spits the gum this time.
"Don't be mean to the beach."
I laugh at my own joke. It was not funny. I am trying to act normal. Which is extremely hard and scary.
"It is 2016" he says, looking away.
"What?"
"We are in year 2016"
I felt like the waves stopped, everything stopped for a moment. And that happened the last time too.
It is a weird feeling. But I guess it is a sign that I am going to wake up soon.
Time passes so fast here.
He takes the last sip from the bottle and throws it on the floor, giving me one of those smirks and running towards sea.
We are in 2020 in real life.
And it is 2016 in here.
We are in Abu Dhabi..
Something lights up in my head again.
I realize.
I am in time where we went to holidays seperately beause we had a serious fight.
I am suprised it is hard for me to remember.
It is normally impossible.
I watch Grayson swimming in the sea, peacefully.
I stand up, walking towards him.
My feet touch the water and it almost feels like it is real life.
He fixes his hair as he watches me getting closer to him.
We are now close enough as the water level reaches my neck.
I stare at him. His hazel eyes are alive, his lips are pink and there is no evidence of death on his face.
We let our bodies float on the surface of the sea.
I couldn't do anything again.
I couldn't find any clues, any answers.
Or something that can make me understand what is happening.
I just try to be happy about being with him finally.
He does not remember anything, he is acting normally even though I know we are not on the real world.
The bubbles popping in sea giggles my ears. I smile.
Then I notice a dreadful fact.
I am in the time where we went to holidays seperately because we had a serious fight. It is 4 years ago.
He was in Abu Dhabi.
I remember now.
I was in Miami.
He has not commited suicide yet.
I travelled back in time.. And I am in Abu Dhabi with him now.
Like we never had a fought..
I wonder.
I wonder.
I wonder.
