"Good morning!"
Aiko.
"Good morning, Aiko."
I look down to our breakfast. This camping thing is really taking my energy down, but it is also good that I don't have to be in the crowd of the city.
At least..
"Yo guys," Léo says. "What is your plan for the summer?"
Plans?
"Beach and boys."
What is she even saying..
"Stop being thirsty."
***
"I think it would be great to make some exploring since it is our last day."
Oh, so.. time really passes..
How it is been already five days?
I sigh, staring at the burning sun. Summer always feels great. Especially with being a teenager. Instense stuff. All the beautiful girls just laying on the hot sand, showing off their boobs..
Good looking babes just walking around with their mini dresses..
Yeah. It may be interesting. But not really feels like that novadays..
I wonder why..
I wonder, I wonder..
I wonder..
"It was so boring I am not even gonna lie to you."
They all stare at me. Oh. Yeah now they are angry.
Do I even look like I give a fuck?..
"You do not have to be angry all the time, we did this for you."
Leo tells me.
I put my hands in my pocket and start to play with the keys.
"I did not want to come here. I don't even like camping dude."
Mia gets out of the tent and sends me a clear message with her blue eyes. I know what does that look mean.
She wants me to shut the fuck up and be grateful for my friends.
Aiko decides to stay quiet for the first time, which makes me insanely shocked. She just never shuts her mouth. She just talks. All the time. Even when she is sick.
"Listen, you don't have to do anything for me. I am okay. I am not a desperate little fuck that needs to feel loved or something like that."
My words put them in shock, which is something I am used to.
"Ethan, you know we are as sad as you. And we are just trying to comfort you in case anything bad hits you in the heart and puts you in depression."
Mia speaks, taking her seat around the thing they call table but it is actually a fricking stone.
"I am not sad. Okay?"
I am not sad.
I am not sad.
I am not sad.
"And even if I was, that doesn't mean that you have to take me a fricking forest with all the disgusting bugs. I miss my bed, and only my bed. Nothing else."
Aiko looks at me, disapointment in her eyes.
Staring, staring and finally speaking.
"You are right," she says, taking a last sip from her coffee and standing up with the empty cup in her hand.
"It was our fault to think you have emotions. You did not even cry at his funeral."
***
Going back home was actually really quiet, suprisingly. They didn't say a word while packing things and putting them in the car.
Leo did not even say bye when I got off the car.
Everything is quiet.
My mind is finally in peace.
Sometimes I have that feeling that drags me through really bad places in my mind. I can not get rid of it usually. It humbles my heart, makes me stutter and hurts every single cell in my body.
Sometimes I think it is just anger. Sometimes despair, sometimes even worse..
Numbness..
When I enter my home, that silence kills me and I usually have nothing to do besides sitting on that couch and staring at walls which feels like they scream at me with so many memories.
And that voice echoes in my head:
Please don't ask me why,
Just kiss me this time..
I smile, staring out of the windows this times.
I did not know what he meant.
I still don't.
And now I do not have any chance.
All I have to do is, sleep.
Sleep, forget and never talk about how I actually feel.
This is what I need to do.
This is the best.
I am okay.
They do not have to understand.
I am good.
I am not gonna cry.
