It burns
It really burns..
Birds singing, wind touching me with such delicate hands, hot sand, waves, burning sun..
That's
Beautiful
Ethan
You
Are
Alive!
***
"I think you are bored,"
I feel like I am free somewhere in the depths of my heart. I had never noticed I was resisting this feeling to capture me entirely.
I slowly open my eyes.
Seeing him next to me along with the nice scenery once again, made me feel more different this time.
It is like I don't remember how I sleep, how I drift into sleep, how I just normally come here.
"Sorry," I say, "Why do you think that?"
He chuckles, drawing shapes on sand with a stick.
"It is been 5 hours this time."
"5 hours?"
Before I straighten myself, something weird catches my attention.
If I am always continuing from where we left off, then why is it still morning? Something had to change. The time, the scenery, the conversations..
Everything is the same.
"I am sorry."
I wonder when I wake up and go back to the real world, what do I do here?
Do I just fell asleep suddenly?
I hear a popping sound and gulping.
Deja Vu.
Oh my god, where does he find it all the fricking time?!
"Want some Sprite?"
I look at him, my longing is getting deeper. My patience has already reached to the top.
"No," I answer him, rubbing my arm.
He looks away, and I find a chance to stare at him as long as I can. I never know my next step. I never know what I really have to say.
What is right, what is wrong?
There is only two clear answers for me.
First, I miss him.
Second, I miss him so much that I took sleeping pills to be with him more this time.
His muscles, his hair, even his ear ring is still like the last time I remember.
"Gray"
He looks into my eyes in such beautiful mood, which makes me comfortable.
"Yeah?"
"What do you think we are doing right now?"
The wind caresses his hair, gently. And I realize everything here seems to be kind to him.
It is almost like nature is holding him as if he is a precious, valuable child.
"We are dreaming.." he says, with his husky, magical voice.
The tension gets me this time. I panic.
"What.."
He gets closer to me, making me feel his strawberry gum breath on my face once again. I try so hard not to close my eyes and not to surrender.
This is something I have never thought I would feel in my life, against him.
It is like fireworks exploding in his eyes. Alive, colorful and intense.
"Isn't it like a dream?"
His gaze is too strong that I can't even break the eye contact. He took the control.
"Grayson.."
"You would never let me be close to you like this."
He puts his finger on my chin, lifting it a little.
"..You would never, ever lay next to me under burning sun."
I
Can't
Move
"You never told me you miss me before, you never.. never let me touch you.."
I am far from reality. The emptiest part of my soul starts to fill with something I have been in longing for.
"Grayson I-.."
"So we must be dreaming."
I do not understand a thing. The way he touches me is very different. I can almost feel the heat coming from his body.
Everything slows down suddenly, my heart feels like it is ready to explode. Reality and the other 'real' things leave me.
I watch him staring at me deeply, I am feeling every emotion in his words.
"I am really suprised you did not punch me this time" he says, giggling. I am so close to him that I can see every veins on his neck. The smooth, tanned skin.. Everything is clear. And he almost feels real.
I hold my hands down.
"Grayson.." I say.
I am fed up with not knowing what have I done to him.
I don't fricking remember, it drives me crazy and poisons my thoughts.
How can I hurt him? How can't I remember it?
"What have I done to you?"
