"Just let go, Ethan.."
He says, getting closer to me once again.
Butterflies fly around us.
I lose my voice. My body refuses to move again.
I just don't want to wake up.
This feeling inside of me makes my body freeze and burn at the same time.
Everything is real.
"We can speed up the pace if you want.."
He touches my cheek again.
I don't know what to do, what to feel.
I remember Grayson's love for me now. I remember his feelings.
I took much more sleeping pills. It will be alright. I am not gonna wake up. I am gonna enjoy this moment.
And him, being alive.
"How can you be confident about this?"
He smiles, pressing his naked chest against mine.
My heart literally beats so fast that I almost feel like I am gonna pass out.
"..You won't hit me this time, I feel it,"
He answers me.
Only few inches between us..
What the fuck?
I can't do this..
I don't.. I don't love him like that..
.... Do I?
"Ethan.."
He leans even more closer, I smell the strawberry gum in his mouth again.
I have never thought of kissing him.
Never.
"..Please don't ask me why,
Just kiss me this time.."
I remember this..
He told me something like this before he died..
All my feelings turn upside down. I have never, ever imagined how it feels like to kiss him, on the lips, on the cheek.
I have never touched him in any special way..
Fuck, I need to remember more than his feelings for me. I have to remember our fight, our conversations and everything..
I have to understand why he killed himself.
But, he is just .. Touching my cheek, staring right into my soul with all those beautiful butterflies around us..
He looks so ready to kiss me.
He wants to kiss me.
I feel it. I feel the heat.
"How I need your attention.."
I say, pulling away slowly.
He looks at me confused yet smiling.
I sigh, staring at his starry eyes.
"..But you are not someone I can hold.."
