The memory of my dream does not leave my mind even for a second. I stare at his empty bed and listen to his voice in my mind. He said he loved me. He 'love' loved me.
I push my brain to remember something. It is not normal that I don't remember such an important thing. I should be remembering this.
I wonder, wonder and wonder.
And I hold a photo of us that I am probably gonna stare at for hours. With confusion, sadness and with longing.
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***
"How much is it?" I ask the employee.
"22 dollars, sir."
I take my wallet from my pocket and give the money.
She says thanks and I leave the pharmacy.
Ring ring..
Ring ring..
Ring ring..
"What's up?"
Leo..
"Hi Leo."
I walk down the street with sleeping pills.
"Hi, what are you doing?"
I almost feel like he sees my pills.
"Uh.. Nothing much just walking home."
"Cool, wanna hang out?"
"Maybe later?"
I just want to sleep again and meet him to have my answers, and to remember everything all over again.
"Don't go home dude, it is summer, you can't spend it in your home.."
Oh I can spend the whole summer in my room, sleeping..
"I just don't feel like being in a crowd, my head is killing me." I am lying.
"Okay, then what about if we come to your place then? Me, Aiko and Mia. We can have a dinner together. Aiko is so good at cooking, have you ever tried her meals?"
Why can't you just leave me alone?
"I don't know dude, I-.."
"No, you have to try them! I am so bored pleeease.."
***
"Oh my God, it is been so long since we are here together!"
Aiko screams in joy. I try not to roll my eyes and be patient as our eyes meet with Mia's.
She basically telling me to be kind. Again.
"Let's cook!"
She tells us, and leaves the living room suddenly.
"I think I am going to help her."
Mia tells me and leaves me with Leo.
My house is messy. I don't even mind cleaning it. It makes no sense. I am alone.
I am alone.
I am all alone.
"So.. what's up?" he asks me, laying on the couch like a pig. It is not a normal couch.
It Grayson's favorite red couch that he used to fall asleep on every night.
I sigh.
"Nothing."
"No plans for the summer?"
"Not really."
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
"You are boring.."
I squeeze my fist and stop myself from yelling.
"It was your idea to come here."
"Chill, I am joking Ethan. Why are you angry again.. Damn.."
I hear knife sounds cutting vegetables.
And it reminds me of him once again.
He was vegeterian.
I remember eating delicious meat in front of him while he was eating a fricking carrot.
I smile at myself with the memory. And suddenly I miss him making me eat carrots and tomatoes instead of chicken nuggets.
"Are you guys gonna sleep here tonight?"
I ask Leo. He is looking around with smiling. I frown my brows. What are you doing Leo?
"Why are you smiling you idiot?"
He chuckles.
"I just remembered something."
He gets up on his seat, touching and stroking the fabric of the couch. My heart pounds.
"We used to play Monopoly.. Five of us.."
His words reminds me of the days when we used to fight over Monopoly.
His laughings.
The way he defended me against everyone even though I was cheating to win the game.
