Behind A Smile

Chapter 27

Kabanata 27

"Are you ready?" tanong ko kay Karina, may nagbabadyang babala sa boses ko.

She nodded, her eyes flickering with enthusiasm, but little does she know that what I'm about to tell her will perhaps... devastate her, and I don't want to assume but knowing Karina, she would really freak out.

Nandito na siya ngayon sa kuwarto ko, at natapos na rin kaming maghapunan kanina. At agad niya akong kinulit na magk'wento, kaya ngayon ay tinatanong ko siya kung handa na nga ba siya.

"Okay, buckle up," then I took a deep breath, and shifted a bit on my seat, getting ready. "Karina, they want me back..."

Saying that straight, without pause and without stammering is almost unfathomable. But my heart is pounding really hard, and almost skipped a beat upon remembering that talk I had with my father months ago.

Pero pinipilit kong kalmahin ang sarili dahil nandito si Karina. Nakatitig lang ako sa kaniya, at nanatili siyang tulala na parang hindi narinig ang sinabi ko.

"Karina..." pagtawag ko. She's unresponsive right now, and I badly want to know what's going on in her mind.

Kumurap-kurap siya, gulantang. "What do you mean?"

I sighed. "Gusto nilang bumalik ako, dahil kailangan daw nila ako." I said nonchalantly, this time.

Hindi ko ba alam, parang nagiging manhid na ako sa paulit-ulit nalang na nararamdamang sakit. Though, hindi ko maitatanggi ang panginginig ng mga kamay ko, perhaps, it definitely recognized all my fears, while my mind is trying to block them.

"Pardon me?" gulantang pa rin na tanong ni Karina.

"Karina, kailangan daw nila a-"

"You've got to be kidding me!" she spat angrily, cutting me off.

Tumayo siya at napahilamos nalang sa mukha, kitang-kita ang sobrang pag-aalala sa mga mata niya.

"Anong ibig sabihin nu'n?! Hindi nila puwedeng gawin 'yun!"

Nanatili akong nakaupo sa kama, at tinitignan lang siya. I don't know why I'm not feeling anything right now. I know that I'm supposed to be having a hard time opening this up to her, but why do I feel... numb?

"Hindi! Hindi mangyayari 'yun! Hindi ako makakapayag na babalik ka doon!" ang galit na boses ay umalingawngaw sa kuwarto ko.

I don't think we will be heard though. My room is soundproof.

I tried to reach out for her hand just atleast to calm her, and when I did, it was also shaking, but hers is different. Her hand is trembling because of so much anger, while mine is because of fear.

"Kumalma ka, Karina..."

"Paano ako kakalma?! I have witnessed everything that fucking happened to you in that fucking goddamn hell! I've seen it! I've seen what you've been through! And, and," she paused, she's panting. "And now what?! They want you back?! No! I won't let that happen! To fucking hell with that!"

She's catching her breath after she said those words, habang ako ay hindi na namalayang umiiyak na pala. She's actually the opposite of me. When she's angry, she will express it without a doubt, walang pagtitimpi. She's not used to hiding it, dahil hindi naman niya kaya.

Me, meanwhile, I can control myself when it comes to bearing and managing anger. Except, of course, for the part if it's too much and spilling already. Lahat naman yata kasi may hangganan. Lalo na ang pasensiya at pagtitimpi.

Mariin akong pumikit. Ang sakit na makita si Karina na ganito ka-galit. Hinawakan ko siya sa balikat, at pinipilit na kalmahin siya.

"Please, kumalma ka muna...." I almost begged.