Banding ||Malum||

2.0

for this chapter I will give you a little taste of Malum. Love me pls.

Two months. Two months. Two months. Two months I've been in this band. Two months I've been performing and going to interviews. Two months I've been a member of 5 Seconds of Summer. Two months of happiness. Two months of being close with them. Two months of becoming Calum Hood's best friend. Two months of living in Australia (with Jasmine because I convinced her to move with me.) Two months since I've seen my other best friends. Two months of working my butt off. Two months of getting no sleep. But worst of all, Two months of getting hate thrown at me everywhere I go.

I tried to ignore it, I did. Maybe I didn't try hard enough? All I know is that the words they call me float around in my head, send me into anxiety attacks at night, give me nightmares remembering high school. I've tried so, so hard not to go back to my depressing ways. Nothing helps. It used to be easy, turn on Calum singing his song Bad Dreams and whoosh my pain went away. But it's different now. I can't just lay in my bed crying, and play that song loudly on repeat until I feel better. What if they hear? They know I used to be a fanboy (maybe I still am) but it's been two months since then. They probably think I've gotten over that phase. This is so different though. I have a full crush on Calum, this isn't one of those fan things anymore. The way I felt about him then, is just how I feel about him now. Except I'm not as, uh, energetic as before.

@awkcalllum: anyone else realize how close malum are?? @michael5sos can u not um

@lucashemmings_: i dont even like @michael5sos can we have james back?

@james_body: wait but @michael5sos is ugly and cant sing for sHIT

@MICHAELSPUPPY: @james_body @michael5sos how about you dont hes beautiful fvck off!!

I sighed, setting my phone down beside me. I'm currently lying in bed, we just arrived home from an interview and I was not feeling too good about myself. Don't get me wrong people love me, tell me nice things, but the bad things over throw them. It hurts a little too much sometimes. Before I even know it my whole pillow is soaked in tears, and a choked sob left my lips. I pulled my pillow close to my chest and stared at the ceiling, trying to catch my breath. I heard my door swing open and Calum yell, "Mikey! C'mon bud we're going out!" Oh, that's another thing that makes me upset, I'm his 'bud', 'pal', 'bro', when all I want to be is more. I heard my door shut and foot steps echoing on the wood of my floor. "Mikey?" I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to hide my face in my pillow so he wouldn't tell that I was crying. Shaking my head I mumbled for him to leave. I felt my bed move as he sat down next to me, "What's wrong Michael?" I pulled my head out of the pillow and looked up at him.

"They hate me Cal. I love this band, I love what I do, I love our fans, I want to love myself, but they won't let me. I don't belong here, we all know it's true. I'm worthless and a slob, I can't sing for shit. I'm not good enough." I let out another sob and burried my head in the pillow. I heard him make a noise from his throat and felt his arms wrap around me, pulling me up." What do you mean Mikey? You belong here. You're not worthless, maybe a little bit of a slob," he gave me a smile, trying to lighten up the mood. "No one hates you, us guys love you. You're a good singer, maybe even better than me," at this I shook my head, not believing it, not even considering it. "And you mean something to us. ." I gave him a small smile as tears cascaded down my face.
"Really?" I asked. He nodded looking into my eyes, "but you mean the most to me." I looked at him weirdly and then I noticed something... he was leaning down. The kiss lasted about 5 seconds. Exactly 5 seconds, which was quite ironic. And I felt a little dizzy afterwords. His face was tinted pink, but I knew mine was practically a fire truck. He smiled lazily and said, "take a nap, you look like you could use a rest. I'll tell the guys to go without us."
"Us?"
"Yeah, us."

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