Okay first of all, this isn't meant to offend anyone.
Secondly, I'm trying something different this time.
Reader is Tim's Russian girlfriend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Y/N): I took online physics test today.
Tim: That's good. How did you do?
(Y/N): Very good. I only got one question wrong.
Tim: What was the question?
(Y/N): "Some atoms share electrons and become more stable. Describe a situation in which people share something and everyone benefits."
Tim: What was your answer?
(Y/N): Communism.
Tim:...... Well, yes, but no.
———————————————
Dick, on the phone with Jay: Where are you?
Jason: I left early. Sorry I couldn't stay later.
Dick: Where are you going, then?
Jason: I'm going home.
Dick: Are you kidding me? Come back. You're drunk!
Jason: Don't worry, I called an Uber.
Dick: Jay... we drank at your place.
Jason: Oh. Then, where the hell am I going?!
——————————————
(Y/N): You know, back home in Russia, we didn't consider beer to be alcohol until 2011.
Jason: Really? Then what did they consider beer to be?
(Y/N): Beer was previously classified as a soft drink.
——————————————
Barbara: Why are you two laughing.
Stephanie: Dick and I have decided to communicate solely using Russian memes/puns today.
Dick: I'm just glad that Steph is Putin up with me.
Stephanie: I'm just Stalin for time before (Y/N) puts me in the gulag.
(Y/N): I made one joke, blyat! One!
—————————————
Damien: I'm Spanish, the suffix "–ito" means little.
Jason: So... what you're implying is that the word dorito means "little Doro".
Dick: That implies the existence of a bigger and legendary snack called the "DORO".
Stephanie: We have got to find it!
All three: WE MUST FIND THE DORO!!
Damien:......
———————————————
Duke: I've always had this question, but I'm kinda afraid of asking this family what the answer is.
(Y/N): So... you came to me instead?
Duke: Yeah. The question is: Why are fire trucks red?
(Y/N): Because they have 8 wheels and 4 people on them. 4 + 8 = 12, there are 12 inches in a foot and one foot is a ruler and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler, but she was also a ship. The ship sailed seas, and in the seas are fish and the fish have fins, and the Finns fought the Soviet Russians, and Soviet Union was red. That's why fire trucks are red.
Duke:...... It sorta makes sense... in a... weird way?
———————————————
Stephanie: Words can't describe how annoying you are.
Damien: Words can't describe how beautiful you are.
Stephanie: Aww, thanks.
Damien: But numbers can. 3/10.
Cassandra: Destruction 100.
————————————————
Bruce: Remember, murder is never the answer.
Jason: Of course. Murder is the question.
Helena: And the answer is yes.
——————————————
Dick: What's the difference between a fly and a mosquito?
Tim, barely awake: What?
Dick: A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't mosquito.
Tim:... yeah... this is big brain time.
——————————————
Kate: So Bruce sneezed earlier and I accidentally said "shut the Frick up" instead of "bless you"
Barbara: How do you accidentally say "Shut the Frick up?"
———————————————
Kate: Exactly how many children do you have, Bruce?
Bruce: Legally, Emotionally, Accidentally or Biologically? There is a difference.
——————————————
Alfred: I am as the kids say "awake"
Stephanie: Do you mean "woke?"
Alfred: Yes, but that is grammatically incorrect.
——————————————
Girl: *sits*
Tim: *scoots away*
Girl: Hey, I don't bite. *smiles*
(Y/N): *slams hand on the desk* I do, Cyka Blyat !
——————————————
Tim: I have a cut on my lip and it hurts.
Jason: Maybe (Y/N) should kiss it better.
(Y/N): Alright. *kisses him* How does it feel now?
Tim: uhh... Tim.exe has stopped working.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I got inspired by Life of Boris for this idea.
You should check him out on YouTube.
Anyway, hope you enjoyed.
YOU ARE READING
Batfamily one shots
FanfictionOne shots, incorrect quotes and songfics with the batfamily. Come check it out. Requests are closed until further notice. No NSFW Hope you enjoy.
