CAPTIVATED

Chapter 13

I woke up in my bed, and for a moment, I had no idea what time it was or how I even made it there. My head throbbed like it had its own pulse, and the soft sunlight slipping through her pale curtains felt like a personal attack.

Muli kong ipinikit nang mariin ang mga mata. Paulit ulit na pinagagalitan ang sarili. My mouth was dry, my stomach was unsettled, and the faint smell of perfume, mixed drinks, and something sugary hung in the air.

Kung ang ibang tao nakakalimot sa mga pangyayari kapag lasing, ako nama'y walang nakakaligtaan.

Janine was still asleep beside me, completely unbothered, her hair a mess and her breathing calm. I, on the other hand, felt like I had been steamrolled by every bad decision we made after midnight.

I breathed out and picked up my toothbrush to brush my teeth. After doing my morning routine, naglabas ako ng bagong sipilyo para kay Janine.

Since dito lang sa Makati kami nag inom last night, nag suggest akong dito kami sa bahay ko umuwi.

My mom called and asked me how I was. Tinanong kung kailan ako dadalaw sa kanila. She told me that dad was waiting for me to visit.

I told her that I'll visit one of these days pero hindi pa sigurado kung kailan talaga dahil medyo busy pa.

I kept telling myself I should visit. It had been months since I saw them, and every missed call or unread message carried a quiet weight I couldn’t ignore.

Marahil ay talaga ng hindi ko pa napapatawad si daddy at hindi ko lang 'yon maamin sa sarili ko. Every time I thought of packing a bag to pay them a visit, I would end up hesistating.

Out here, on my own, life felt quieter. I could breathe differently. Freely.

Still, there was guilt in the freedom. A tug I couldn’t quite silence. Was I drifting too far, or finally finding who I was without them?

Humalik ako sa natutulog na Janine bago bumaba sa first floor para maghanda ng tanghalian.

Simuna noong naging mag girlfriend kami, nawala sa bokabularyo ko ang almusal.

Dismayadong napa-buntonghininga ako nang makitang walang laman ang fridge.

Tiffany was here three days ago. Namili ng grocery pero panay de-lata at noodles na pagkain ang binili. Pinuno niya ang pantry ko pero ang fridge, hinayaang walang laman.

I just ordered a bucket of chicken for the both of us. Tumawag rin ako sa isang restaurant para sa fried rice and three lemonades.

I paid online through my card and went upstairs to wake Janine up when the bucket of chicken arrived.

"C'mon baby, we need to eat. I'm hungry." Muli ko siyang hinalikan sa pisngi. Ilang alog pa ang ginawa ko sa kanya bago siya tuluyang magdilat ng mata.

She glared at me. Parang mali pa ako na ginising ko siya para kumain.

"What?" Hindi makapaniwalang saad ko. She's looking at me as if I made a forbidden sin.

Malutong na tawa ang pinakawalan ko nang irapan niya ako.

"Mag Cavite tayo." Aya ko sa kanya. Gusto ko siyang ipakilala kina Mommy.

I made up my mind. Gusto ko siyang ipakilala sa pamilya ko.

I'm not entirely sure how it would go. I have not ever Ben so open to my family ever since the incident that happened during my birthday.

There are time where I even ask my mother how she was able to forgive my dad.

"When?" She asked while enjoying her chicken leg.