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Chapter 40

Thank you for allowing me to write and letting me express myself through it. This is the last chapter of my Janine and Kimberly. Epilogue will be posted soon.

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Nagising ako sa hindi ko malaman na dahilan. Walang ka-malay-malay ang natutulog na si Janine nang kalasin ko ang yakap namin sa isat-isa.

It's 3:16 AM, says the alarm clock beside me. Pumasok ako sa banyo at napansin ang bahagyang lumolobong mga mata mula sa pag iyak. I cried too hard last night. Natatakot akong baka wala nang muling mag tiwala sa akin.

Nag sipilyo ako at maingat na bumaba sa kusina. Nag timpla ng kape at inayos buhok na medyo may kaguluhan. The warm coffee did not console the emptiness in me.

Bumalik ako sa kwarto, mabigat ang hakbang na parang bawat pag-apak ay may dalang pagod na hindi lang galing sa katawan kundi pati na rin sa isip.

Tumungo ako sa balcony, hinila ng hindi ko alam kung anong lakas, na parang hinahanap ko ang kahit anong tahimik na makakatulong sa akin para kumalma nang tuluyan.

The cold breeze greeted me like a quiet reminder that I was still here, still breathing. It brushed against my skin, sharp but oddly comforting.

My arms wrapped around myself, not from the cold, but from that strange kind of ache that no one else could see but Janine.

I stared at the peaceful view in front of me.

The soft lights from the nearby buildings, the way the trees swayed slowly, the stillness of everything.

Tanging tunog ng alon at mga kuliglig ang naririnig ko. May nakita pa akong apoy sa malapit na napalilibutan ng tatlong tao. I smiled with the thought of being with them. Parang gusto ko ng kausap.

It looked so calm, so detached from whatever chaos I was carrying inside. For a second, I wished I could trade places with them.

Ang sunod kong pinag tuunan ng pansin ay ang nagkikislapang mga bituin. There are a lot of stars. Kahit ang malaking buwan, bilog na bilog at perpekto sa aking paningin.

I wish I could be just as still.

Just as quiet.

Just as unaffected.

It looks like it's too close to me. Na para bang kung ieextend ko ang kamay ko, magagawa ko itong dakutin.

When another blow of air hits my face, I felt an embrace from my back. Hindi ko na kailangan pang alamin kung sino 'yon dahil alam ko ang amoy niya.

I stood still, letting the cold wind take whatever it is that they could take away from me. I was hoping deerly, I was hoping for the wind to carry away the heaviness too.

"You woke up already. It's too early, let's go back to bed." Bulong nito sa akin habang nakayakap.

Nagyayayang pumasok pero marahil siya, ay nakapako rin sa kinatatayuan. Hindi gumagalaw kahit bahagyang kilos lang.

"I didn't wanna wake you up. Masarap tulog mo." Sagot ko lang.

She didn't say anything. Humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin. Nakatingin ako sa kawala pero siya, ramdam ko sa balat ko ang titig niya sakin.

I then remember how the lady in her early 50's screamed for justice earlier this night. Hindi nahanap ang katawan ng anak niya at dukidilim na kaya't hindi magandang ipagpatuloy ang paghahanap hanggang umabot ng alas-seis.

When she cried and asked for my help desperately, I realized how irresponsible I was. Umiyak ako kasabay niya at nangakong gagawin ko ang lahat.

I don't care anymore on how other people may think of me. Wala na rin akong pakialam sa media na sa akin binibigay ang sisi. It is my resort, after all. At sa akin ang lahat ng responsibilidad.