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Chapter 9

I woke up feeling sore. Nasa gilid ko pa si Janine na tulog pa. Napagod siguro siya ng sobra.

Pieces of last night kept coming back to me like tiny sparks lighting up the dark. It was my first time doing something like that, but instead of feeling nervous, I wanted to do it again and again. Every moment felt electric and alive, like the world around us had slowed down and everything else disappeared.

Nakaramdam ako ng bahagyang pananakit sa pagkababae ko nang bahagya akong gumalaw. Hindi na ako nagulat nang mapansing alas dos na.

Pero... Wait, alas dos? At tulog pa si Janine? Sobra ko ba siyang pinagod?

Dahan-dahan kong tinanggal ang hita ko sa pagkakapatong sa kanya. When I carefully removed my arm, umalma ang tulog na Janine at ibinalik ako sa pagkakayakap sa kanya.

Hmm, okay pala sa kanya yung ganon, eh. Papagurin para maging sweet kinabukasan kahit tulog.

Siya ang tumagilid paharap sakin at yumakap sa tagiliran ko.

I enjoyed her scent and gave her little kisses.

Bahagyang humigpit ang pagkakapikit ng mga mata niya. Dumilat ang kaliwa at napatingin sa akin.

I showed her a smile.

I don't want to stop this. I don't want to wake up without her beside me. I don't want to have dinner without this beautiful lady. I want to do things with her. Experience everything that I haven't with her.

Am I in love with her? Lately, it feels like I'm standing in front of a cracked mirror, but every reflection looks different and none of them feel like me. I'm trying to hold on to who I thought I was, but the lines keep shifting, blurring into something I can't recognize.

Noong mga nakaraan, pinipigilan ko yung sarili ko na ipakita ang totoong ako sa kanya.

When it comes my my best friend, I'm sweet and talkative. With Janine, nagugustuhan ko yung pakiramdam na interesado siya sakin. Siya ang lumalapit at nanggugulo. Sinusungitan ko siya pero nasasabayan niya at kayang tanggapin ang ugali ko.

I'm definitely in love with this woman. I wouldn't crave for her affection and attention if I'm not. I wouldn't see her and her daughter as my family if I'm not. 

I think I'm starting to understand something I've been trying to push away. Every time Janine is near, my heart feels different, both softer and more intense. There is this quiet certainty growing inside me that I can no longer ignore.

Muli ko siyang hinalikan sa pisngi. Inulit sa kabilang pisngi hanggang sa hindi ko na mabilang ang iginagawad na halik.

"Wake up," mahinang sambit ko. I kissed her pointed nose. "Baby, wake up." Malambing na saad ko.

Maybe I am in love with her. It scares me, but I also feel a strange calm knowing that this feeling is real and true. I don't want to fight it anymore because deep down I already know where my heart belongs.

"Hmm," she groaned. Probably didn't hear what I said.

"I'm hungry," bahagya ko pa siyang inalog para tuluyang magising. "Janine!"

Nagulat siya at biglaang tumayo. I laughed and sat beside her.

"Sorry," Tumatawa pa ring saad ko.

"You shocked the hell out of me." Natatawa na ring sagot niya bago ako yakapin.

Sa yakap niya, doon ko lang napansin na parehas kaming nakahubad pa rin.

Napahinto siya nang yumakap ako.

"Let's take a shower together," I suggested.

Naguguluhang tumitig siya sakin. It's as if I said something ridiculous.