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Chapter 15

I don’t even remember turning the keys in the ignition. My eyes were still wet, my hands shaking just enough to make the wheel feel unfamiliar.

Walang pakundangan sa pag tulo ang mga luha ko habang nagmamaneho pauwi. Everything outside the windshield looked soft and smeared, like the world itself had started to cry with me.

Nagpapaunahan sa utak ko ang pakikipaghiwalay sakin ni Janine at ang ibinalita sakin ng kapatid. I kept blinking, wiping at my face, hoping it would clear, but it didn’t. Not really.

I remembered one time when I was frustrated with the monthly report of my resort in Laguna. I only had seven reservations last month.

Habang sinusuri ang report at iniisip ang improvement na gagawin, tumawag sakin si Janine habang umiiyak.

She was scared to disappoint her dad and she told me that I'm the only person who she wants to see that specific day.

She knew that I was running an errand but I'm hundred percent sure that my girlfriend needed me that time.

I was there when she was lonely and sad. I was there for her when it was only darkness in her sight.

Now that she's tired and out of solutions, the only choice left for her was to leave me behind. And like a professional, she left and broke my heart.

I laughed at my own situation. How cruel can this world be?

The silence in the car, the heaviness in my chest, I needed to move. I needed to feel like I was going somewhere, even if I had no idea where that was. But this time, I know where to go. I need to be with my mom.

Hindi ko na sinagot ang ilan pang tawag ng kapatid. My cellphone turned off out of zero battery percentage.

Every turn felt slower than it should have. Every stoplight looked like a blur of color. I focused hard, too hard, just to stay between the lines. My breathing was uneven. My thoughts were louder than the road.

And yet, some part of me kept going. Because pulling over meant letting everything catch up to me. And I wasn’t ready for that. Not yet.

Nang makarating sa bahay, wala na doon ang daddy. It was just Kyle, my youngest brother, hugging my mom who's still crying.

Lumapit ako at yumakap kay mommy. Mahirap makitang umiiyak ang magulang. She’s crying in front of me, and I don’t know what to do.

My mommy used to be so bright. Madalas niyang sinasabi na manalig lang daw kami at wag mapagod mag bigay ng second chances.

There was something about the way her shoulders shook, the way her hands trembled as she tried to wipe her face, that shattered something in me. I didn’t know where to put the pain I felt watching her like that.

Why do people with the kindest heart always end up hurting?

"Pinatawad ko ang daddy niyo sa lahat ng pambababae niya..."

I wanted to say something. I wanted to reach for her. But all I could do was stand there, frozen, as if moving would make it worse. All I could do was to wipe her tears.

Agaran kong pinunasan ang luha sa pisngi niya. Kauupo niya lang sa kama. I keep thinking I should do more. I should hold her, tell her it’s okay to cry, remind her that she doesn’t have to be invincible around me. But I’m frozen.

"I can't believe he had the guts to get that minor pregnant. She was younger than you, Kim!" sambit niya habang minumura pati ang babae ni daddy.

"Ma, biktima lang din yung bata. It was all Dad's fault. Mas may control siya sa lahat. He should've avoided cheating on you again in the first place!" I said in disbelief.