CAPTIVATED

Chapter 30

Dala yata ng alak kaya lumilikot ang aking utak. Paubos na ang laman ng bote at kung anu-ano na lang ang napag uusapan naming dalawa.

Ang hindi ko lang maintindihan, ay kung bakit ba kahit na anong gawin kong pagpilit sa sarili na manood at mag focus sa palabas, palaging ang bagsak ng paningin ko ay kay Janine talaga.

"Baby..." she said with her usual tone of voice. "Something's bothering you again?" she added.

Umiling lang ako. Paano ko ba ikukwento sa kanya ang ginawa ni daddy? Alam ko naman na hindi tamang ikumpara ko sila sa isat-isa.

"Hindi nga kita lolokohin." tumawa siya bago lalong ilapit ang sarili sakin.

I sighed. I tried collecting energies and courage so I could tell my father's cheating story. Ayaw ko lang naman na isipin niyang pinaghihinalaan ko siya ng walang dahilan.

Natapos ang pelikula nang hindi ko man lang pinagtuunan ng pansin. Janine put the remaining champagne in both of our glasses.

"When you told me that you want to break up with me, my decision was solid eleven over ten that I won't let you."

I got all of her attention from what I said. She even stopped moving when she was supposed to drink her alcohol.

"Wala naman kasi akong pakealam sa mga problema mo. Your problems are mine too... I won't complain just becaude of the problems that you had. But of course, you already made uo your mind." I continued.

Wala na akong balak pang paabutin ng ilang araw ang pagsasarili sa kuwento ni Kael at daddy.

"Minutes after you left my house, my brother called." I closed my eyes tightly. Trying to remember what happened that night clearly.

"But it didn't even took me five minutes. I came back. And you weren't there."

Tinitigan ko siya at inaral ang kanyang bawat galaw. Iniisip niyang ang sakit na nararamdaman ko ay dahil sa pag alis lang niya. What she doesn't know is, I'm in pain because of what my father did.

"When my brother called, he was in panic." it was painful remembering that night but it also feels good to things what I feel out loud.

"May babaeng pumunta sa bahay. She was just seventeen that time. She was pregnant." I drank the remaining champagne on my glass. "With my father's baby." I smiled bitterly.

Doon ko lang napagtanto na hindi ko pa rin pala tanggap ang nangyari. I may forgive him somehow, but the pain is still lingering inside of me.

That's the trauma of cheating. That's how scary it can be. You will be able to forgive the person even when you can't even bear the pain. You're capable of just letting it all go but the pain it caused you will remain.

Funny how I looked up to my father before. He was my role model. But now, I just want him out of my life..

"I'm sorry you had to experience that..." mahinang pahayag niya.

"He was my favorite parent..." I laughed sarcastically. "Was." I repeated.

"I'm sorry about that." ikinulong niya ako sa mga bisig niya.

At doon, lumabas ang mga luha na akala ko'y naubos na. Memories are now coming back. From when my father used to attend my pta meetings, the outings, bonding, and all that.

Yumakap ako pabalik at nagpakasasa sa malalambing na salita ni Janine sa kalagitnaan ng pag hingi ng tawad.

"I should've bren there for you but I left, I'm sorry, baby. It won't happen again." she said.

"You're so precious, you don't deserve all those pain. If only I could take all of it..." mas hinigpitan niya ang yakap sa akin.

"Baby..." sumbong ko bago pa humagulgol nang mas malakas. "Baby..." I wanted to tell all of my rant but I couldn't say anything.

Parang may kung anong nakabara sa lalamunan ko na pumipigil sa akin para makapag salita nang malaya.

Gusto kong isumbong ang lahat sa kanya. Gusto kong ikwento ng buo. Gusto kong sabihin na nakahanap ako ng kakampi sa kanya. But when she let go of the hug to give me a kiss, I knew that she understood what I'm feeling.

Para niyang maiintindihan ang nararamdaman ko kahit pa wala akong sinasabi. It seems like she understood all of it.

From the way she's gently giving my face soft kisses, her gentle touch on my cheeks and arms. The sweet words that sounded like a lullaby, and promises that I know she wouldn't break.

"I love you..." she whispered in the middle of my sobs.

"I love you so much, baby..." she sweetly said.

All of it warmed my heart. At ang sakit na naiwan ng kahapon, naglaho nang ganon na lang.

Hanggang sa pagtulog kinagabihan, at sa sumunod na araw, wala na akong sakit na maramdaman sa t'wing inaalala ang nangyari noon.

It may hurt me too much, but I have overcome it now. With the help of my girlfriend, the love of my life.

And now, I'm watching Janine sleep beside me. She took the day off today. She said that she wants to be with me the whole day.

Napagod marahil sa mga kalokohan naming dalawa kanina kaya mahimbing ang tulog ngayon.

We played online games, wathed two horror movies, we did karaoke together, she cooked for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. We even had pizza before going to bed.

It was a perfect day for me. I owe her a lot. The happiness and joy, the laughter and sweetness, all of it.

She unconsciously moved her arm, looking for me. Inilapit niya ako lalo sa kanya bago hawakan ang aking buhok.

Gising na gising ako at siya nama'y pikit parehas ang dalawang mata. She kissed me near my eye and whispered her love reminder.

A smile plastered on my lips automatically. Kahit sa pag tulog niya, ako ang mahal niya. Kahit sa gitna ng kawalan, ako ang hinahanap niya.

At ako, alam ko sa sarili kong ganon din ako. Sa gitna ng kawalan, at kahit pa talikuran si Janine ng lahat. Kahit pa kalabanin siya ng mundo, kahit pa mag isa ako, hindi ako aalis sa likuran niya.

I'll always be the baby that she love. It will always be her whom I'd look for when in need of help. It will always be her whom I'd define as my home.

Sa kabila ng sakit at sugat ng kahapon, alam kong kasabay ng pagsikat ng araw, may bagong umaga para sa aming dalawa. Bagong umaga para maging masaya, at kasama noon ang mga bagong pag subok para sa amin.

Hindi ko alam kung anong oras akong natulog pero pagkagising, nakangiting Janine ang bumungad sa akin.

"I took a leave today. Ibinilin ko kay Andy lahat ng updates." she said.

Nagtatakang bumangon ako. Napansin ko sa gilid ang pagkain na hinanda niya.

"We'll go to your favorite bands concert." she said with a wide smile.