Torn Apart

Chapter Twenty Three

Living in London feels like living in darkness. A darkness that you won't be able to forget for your entire life. A darkness that will made you hopeless, but in the end of the day, there will always be a faint light to flicker the burning hope.

It was the faintest light that shined in the vast darkness. I had it followed and found myself igniting the hope in dying embers and some on ashes. And found myself hoping again.

It's been two years since I left Philippines. At sa mga oras na lumilipas at mas lalo lang akong nalulungkot, ngunit hindi ko ito pinapahalata sa magulang ko.

Three months after I got here in London, sa kwarto lang ako palagi dahil hindi pa naman pasukan dito. Kong hindi nagbabasa ng libro or reviewer upang makapasa sa University of London ay natutulog naman ako.

Hindi ko rin kayang e contact ang mga kaibigan ko sa Pilipinas. Because I could feel they are mad....to me. That's why I deactivated all of my account and made a new one, it's a fake account and stalk their social media accounts but I failed because it's all private.

Kay Ida at Joy na lang din ako nakipagmustahan dahil hindi naman sila naka private account. Kaya kahit papano nabawasan ang lungkot ko dito.

Bumalik din si Daddy sa trabaho dahil three months lang din ang inilaan na bakasyon para sa kanya, kaya naiwan kami dalawa dito ni Mommy.

"Anak! Kain na!"

I immediately stopped reading when I heard my Mom's voice downstairs. Tumayo ako at sinuklay ang buhok bago bumaba.

Nasa mesa na si Mommy at nakangiti ito sa akin. I could notice that her pale face is back. Nagumpisa ulit ito tatlong linggo na nakarating kami dito. I once asked her if she have illness but she answered me that she's just lacked of sleep that's why she's very pale.

Umupo ako sa harapan niya. Still looking at her face with my emotionless face. "Mom, you should stop working. Look at you, you're very pale. You need rest." I said.

"Hija. Nalulungkot ako kapag hindi ako makakapagtrabaho. Hayaan mo na ako. Matutulog din ako."

Yeah. It's Sunday today and it's your day off. But sana kahit isang buwan huwag ka muna mag trabaho.

Gusto ko man sabihin pero mahal na mahal niya ang trabaho niya at hindi niya ito kayang iwan at wala rin akong magagawa dito.

Tahimik lang akong kumain. Tanong na tanong naman siya sa akin kong kailangan ko ng tulong sa pagrereview for entrance exam but I told her that I can handle.

"Ako na magliligpit, Mom." Sabi ko dahil tapos na kaming kumain."You should rest po."

"Okay, pero tulungan kita dalhin sa sink ito." Tumango lang ako sa kanya. Pero nang nasa kalagitnaan na papunta sa kusina ay natumba siya at nabasak ang pinggan na hinahawakan niya.

"Mom!" Dalo ko sa kanya. Nasugatan ang kamay niya pero hindi naman malala.

"I'm okay. Kulang ako sa tulog." She tried to pick up the broken pieces but I stopped her hand.

"Ako na po dito, Mom. Kaya ko na po 'to. Magpahinga na po kayo." I smiled to her.

"Are you sure?" I nodded. She kissed my cheeks and then she went upstairs.

I know that there is something wrong with her. But, after that day,  a year passed and that incident never happened again. It somehow, gave me a relief.

Isang taon na din ang lumipas and I tried to reconnect with my friends.After I've read something in the book, I immediately reactivated my social media accounts. At pagkakita pa lang nila sa akin sa sa screen ay umiyak sila agad. Umiyak din ako.