Hamilton One-Shots DISCONTINUED

Hamburr

-Third Person POV-

Aaron walked in through the front door to his apartment he shared with his boyfriend, Alexander. Alex was usually home long before Aaron was, so coming home to find the place in darkness was a rare experience. 

Not that Aaron didn't like the peace and quiet from time to time, living with Alex could get pretty loud, but he always worried when his lover wasn't with him. They were lucky enough to work at the same office, and Aaron was sure he had seen Alex leave not too long before him. 

He felt paranoid as he called him. The phone rang for one... two... thr- "Hello? Aaron? What's up?" Alex's voice cut through the silence of the flat and interrupted the phone. 

Aaron let out a sigh of relief as he heard his boyfriend's voice. "Oh, nothing. It's just that you're usually home before me and when I saw that you weren't I-"

"Panicked," Alex finished for him. "Ok, listen, Aaron, baby, I'll be home soon I just have some things to take care of and some errands to run, 'k?" Aaron bit his lip.

It wasn't like he didn't trust Alex, of course he did, but "things to take care off" sounded ominous. "Oh, ok. See you when you get home. Love you," he said, ending the call before Alex could reply. 

Taking a moment just to breathe, Aaron found himself drifting through the apartment towards their bedroom. He walked in and curled up in a ball on Alex's side of the bed, inhaling his scent deeply. 

Knowing that Alex wasn't going to be home for a while, Aaron let himself cry for once. He sobbed into Alex's pillow, letting out all the stress and anxiety that he had been bottling up for a couple of months now. 

He let his self-control slip away and let the angry little voice in his head talk to him. Do you really think Alex is just finishing up some stuff at the office, or doing a grocery run? 

Of course he's not you idiot, he's having an affair! He's probably over at Laurens' or Jefferson's and you can't even complain about it. Because you know you deserve it. You don't deserve Alexander, perfect Alexander. 

You're a useless, good for nothing, whiny little bitch and you don't deserve him. Heck, you don't even deserve to live! Why not just kill yourself? You know how to. You know you want to. You know everyone wants you to. Do it. DO it. DO It. I said, DO IT.

Aaron felt his body jump up and he ran towards the bathroom where they kept their razors. He looked himself in the eyes through the mirror and saw a pathetic figure looking back at him. 

A fat, one cut, ugly, two cuts, useless, three cuts, stupid, four cuts, annoying, five cuts, self-centred, six cuts, bitch, seven cuts.

Aaron stopped and put the blade down, clutching the side of the sink as the room rocked dizzyingly. He was vaguely aware of slipping and landing on the hard tiles, but he barely felt it. It wasn't like he didn't deserve the pain anyway. 

He was also vaguely aware that he was bleeding pretty hard. Heh. Maybe he'd hit a vein this time. The corners of the room started to get blurry and fade out of his view. Aaron didn't even realise that Alex had arrived home, but there he was. 

Shaking him, screaming at him to stay awake. He felt Alex's tears falling onto his arm, the saltiness making the cuts sting. He kind of heard the sirens as he struggled to regain full consciousness for Alex.

The harsh sting of a needle being poked into his arm was the last thing Aaron remembered before passing out.

~Time skip~

Aaron became vaguely aware of a distinct pain in his left arm. He tried to use it, to move it, but it felt heavy. 

As moments passed, Aaron also became more aware of the sounds. There was a lot of 'shh'ing and someone crying? There were shuffling sounds and muffled voices that sounded the way things sound when you're underwater. 

He felt a kind of roaring in his ears, and then he could hear things more clearly. He recognised the sound of Lafayette and Hercules murmuring to each other. 

Lafayette and Hercules? What were they doing, he paused to inhale, taking in the scent of the room. If his eyes were open, they would've widened. A hospital? 

What was he doing there? What were Laf and Herc doing in a hospital with him? They were hardly close to Aaron. He shook it off and continued listening to the sounds of the room. 

The 'shh'ing had a distinct sound to it, John Laurens? It must have been because suddenly Aaron recognised the sound of Alex crying. 

He longed to sit up and hug the older man and whisper that it was alright. He fought against his eyelids, struggling to open his eyes. Aaron tasted something nasty in his mouth and he fought the urge to throw up. 

He eventually won the battle against his eyes, cracking them open just enough to see a bright light blinding him. He groaned, his eyelids fluttering shut again. 

Aaron picked up the sound of someone rushing out of the room, shouting in a French accent for a nurse. Lafayette, Aaron thought to himself. He suddenly felt two hands cupping his face and wet teardrops splashing onto his nose and eyebrows. 

One slipped down into his eye and it popped open. "A-Aaron," he heard Alex whisper before arms were around him, holding him as Alex sobbed into his neck. "I'm s-so fu-fucking sorry, Aaron. If I'd known I would've screwed everything and come home straight away. Screw my job, screw Jefferson, screw these guys-"

The other three men in the room let out indignant noises. Alex laughed wetly. "Why didn't you tell me silly boy? I would've been there. You know I would have."

Aaron tried to open his mouth to speak, the four men suddenly all backed away from him and a male nurse swept in. "Mr Burr. Thank goodness you're awake. Do you know what happened?" Aaron opened his mouth to speak and found that he couldn't.

"I-" he croaked out before collapsing in a coughing fit.

"Mr Burr! Are you alright? Can I get you a glass of water or something?" Aaron nodded and the nurse rambled on, "Would you like a pen and paper and you can write instead of talk?" Aaron nodded again and the nurse hurried away to retrieve said items. 

Aaron beckoned Alex forward again and the older almost collapsed in his arms. "I thought you were gone," Alexander whispered, and the broken sound of his voice made Aaron freeze. "I thought you were dead and it was all my fault."

"A-lex. Li-sten. It was-n't your fault," Burr paused to cough a little. "I ju-st, I do-n't ev-en know. Li-fe was ju-st be-com-ing t-oo mu-ch." Alex's eyes still shone with unshed tears. "I-"

"Aaron, stop talking," Alex instructed. Even crying and with a broken voice, he was still evidently the more dominant in their relationship. "You're hurting yourself." So Aaron did. He didn't talk, but he kissed his boyfriend as hard as he could. 

He could feel Alex's surprise, but, thankfully, he just slid into it, relaxing as he slumped onto his boyfriend even more. "I l-ove y-ou," Aaron choked out. Alex smiled down at him sweetly.

"I love you even more Ronnie," he said, kissing him again. "And I promise that I'm gonna be there for you from now until you die."

Suicide and self-harm aren't something to be taken lightly and I don't condone or approve of it. If you ever feel like you want to self-harm or commit suicide, please talk to someone. A friend or family member can really help and sometimes it's just enough to know that you have someone who's got your back.