Mind - Jin || Completed

Ch30

When my mom went to bed I messaged Jimin that it was okay for him to come over. So I don't disturb my mom, I decided to wait for him outside and we could smoke there. I was still furious about my dad coming over for dinner and the only person I really wanted to talk about it with was Jimin. 

I walked outside and sat on my porch waiting for Jimin to show up. A few minutes later I saw headlights coming my direction and when the car got closer, I saw it to be Jimin's car. He parked on my driveway and I waved at him. He got out of his car with his backpack that carries his weed. 

He smiled and waved at me. He sat down next to me and put his bag in front of him. "We're smoking out here?"

I nodded my head. "I don't want to wake up my mom nor do I want her hearing what I'm going to talk about."

"For you to be smoking out of stress? There must be something really wrong." Jimin took some weed out of his bag and started rolling a blunt. "What happened today?"

I sighed out and looked out into the street. "My dad came over today."

His eyes widened and he put down the blunt he was rolling. "What? Why?"

"That's what I was trying to figure out. I knew there had to be a reason he would come visit out of nowhere."

"And?"

"And...every time I see him he just validates my reason of why I can't stand him. He tried to give me money for school."

"Really?" Jimin scoffed and rolled his eyes. He finished rolling the blunt and started to light it up. "He's rarely in your life and he tries to buy your affection? That's low."

"Right?" I took the blunt and did the first smoke. "My mom thinks it's him trying to make amends. I don't think he knows the first thing about being a dad." I let out a puff of smoke and handed it to Jimin.

"What does Jin think about your whole situation? Actually, does he even know about your dad yet? I know it's a touchy subject for you."

Jin knows all about my dad and exactly who he is. Since Jin is a teacher he knows that Headmaster Lee is my dad. This is one of the reasons I didn't want to talk to Jin about what happened because I'm not ready to have a more personal conversation with him, especially about my dad. We talked a little about him before but since then he hasn't come up and I would like to keep it that way. Jimin has known about my dad for as long as I have known him so he knows the kind of person my dad is without having to know him. 

"I've told him little bits about my dad but this is something I don't want to talk to him about yet. You're the only one I can talk to about this."

Jimin put his arm around me and smiled. "I will be here all night and listen to you vent if you need me to."

I smiled. "Thanks, Jimin."

I started my story from right when I got home. As I told Jimin how my dad came to dinner unbeknownst to me and ruined my entire night, he patiently listened and nodded. The day Jimin and I met when we were kids, I knew he would be my best friend for life. He was the new kid at school and I was the only person who sat with him at lunch. Everyone knew me as the girl whose dad left her at a young age and it caused me to act out. But knowing Jimin knew nothing of my past, it gave me confidence to talk to him. He truly understood the type of person I am and was always there for me when I took on this bad girl persona. Once he knew the story of my dad, he never thought of me as weird. I've been thankful for his friendship ever since. 

"And that's pretty much all that happened." I finished. I took another hit of the blunt and looked at Jimin.

"Hmm." he said. "If your dad continues to keep trying with you, do you ever think you'll give him another chance?"

"How I'm feeling right now, no. When I saw him shed a tear when he was leaving, I didn't feel any remorse for him. That should mean something, right?" I handed the blunt to Jimin.

"Yeah, it means you don't care about him. But if you want my honest opinion..." He trailed off and took a hit.

"What is it?"

"I think if you really wanted nothing to do with your dad then you would have done everything you could to make sure he didn't have dinner with you tonight. You let him in and I think it gave him hope that things are going in the right direction."

I groaned out. "Ugh, so it's my fault then."

He lightly chuckled. "I'm not saying that, y/n. I'm just saying, knowing you pretty much my whole life and us causing trouble, you went soft on him."

I sighed and looked down. I couldn't help but feel that Jimin is right. When it comes to my dad I am constantly angered by him and besides the end, not once did I cause enough trouble for him to leave before dinner began. I thought I let him stay because I wanted to find out why he came in the first place. But if I really don't care about him then why would I care what he's up to?

I sighed again. "You're right. If I didn't care about him I wouldn't have given him any type of chance."

"So does that mean you'll give him a chance?"

I half-smiled. "No, not right now. He hurt me too much that it's going to take a lot more to get me to forgive him. But...I'll stop denying that he means nothing to me."

"Baby steps." 

After we finished the blunt, Jimin went home and I got ready for bed.

The next morning, it was the day before school was back from break and I was not ready to go back. Since I was so busy this whole week and the events from last night, I decided today would be my lazy day. My mom offered to wash my clothes so I could stay in bed. I couldn't shake off what happened last night with my dad offering me money. It's a lot of money and with that combined with the money my mom saved me, I will be set for the next four years. But if I accept the money, my dad will think it is his chance to get close to me. I know I said I would stop saying he means nothing to me, but it's hard to shake the anger he has given me all of these years. 

I'm going to college later this year and I promised myself that it would be a fresh new start. If I want to start fresh, I have to start letting go of the anger that has controlled me most of my life.  I scrambled in bed almost all morning until I made a decision.

I deeply sighed out and  got out of bed. I poked my head out of my room and saw my mom relaxing on the couch. "Mom."

She looked up and hummed.

I formed my lips into a thin line and took a deep breath. 

"Tell dad...thank you for the check."

I immediately went straight into my room and locked the door before my mom could attack me with excitement.