AFTER THERE'S YOU // ZESSA

Chapter 48: Stay

I will never forget how the rest of that morning went, though I would love nothing more than to erase it from my memory forever.

The evidence needed when dealing with sexual assault is extremely invasive after experiencing something so traumatic. Something I unfortunately got to experience.

I barely said a word as they took photos of my neck, arms, and waist - none of which had any bruises but were required for evidence. I almost gagged when the nurse swabbed my cheek for any signs of Dan's DNA. And I completely shut off when it came time for my vaginal exam.

Thankfully, Zed was there the whole time. I refused to let him leave my side, terrified that the moment he did, Dan and Jace would come walking in.

At the end, the nurse gave me a morning after pill, one I should have taken a couple days ago. I was eager to take it, to be rid of any trace of Dan's existence in my body.

Now that I am back in Zed's apartment, I am still plagued by memories of the police interview.

They asked several relevant questions about Dan and Jace. They told me how the information I gave them would help bring at least Dan into custody.

However, they also asked a few questions that made me want to throw up, my stomach already empty from the severe after-effects of the Everclear Dan forced me to drink the night before.

"What were you wearing?"

"Did you know Dan before?"

"Did you like him?"

"How much had you had to drink beforehand?"

The male officer I was answering even had the audacity to roll his eyes when I told him about the wine and margaritas we had before the whole ordeal.

It made me nervous, but in the end, they said they had enough to charge Dan with sexual assault. He would be found guilty or not guilty at court sometime in the next few weeks. I can't even imagine having to see him again...

I guess they interviewed Steph as well. She told them everything. But without more evidence than a story, they could not charge Dan and Jace for the drugs - which I am almost positive are moved by now.

However, that doesn't mean they can't look into Hanya's death. The police reassured me they would question them about it, verify where they were that night, even if they cannot charge them with her murder just yet.

And as I lay here now, tucked under the covers of Zed's bed while he is in the kitchen heating up some soup, my mind wanders to a place I haven't let it in quite some time - Hardin.

Part of me blames him for all of this. For getting involved with Dan and Jace, knowing how dangerous they were. For taking off with their drugs because he was angry at the world. And also, for leaving me behind to deal with them. I think I even hate him.

But, then again, there is the part of me that for some reason cares for him. A part I thought I shut off months ago. He finally left me alone, something I always wanted from him that he refused to give me. And even when he couldn't help himself any longer, when he was worried that Dan and Jace were up to something, he called me to make sure I was alright. He didn't say it was him, because he knew I wouldn't speak to him again. But he just called and made sure I was okay.

Is that enough, though? A mere call when he could have told me what was going on. He could have told me about Dan and Jace but did not. He did not have to leave me alone with them, run off to England - even though I begged him to in the first place.

There was so much more he could have done if he were not... Hardin - but he is. He is the broken, angry, pain in the ass he has always been. And for some reason, I can never quite rid him from my mind.

"Want some crackers in your soup?" I hear Zed yell from the kitchen.

"Sure," I say back, just loud enough for him to hear me.

Zed. The man who has been there for me since day one. He has never had a bad thing to say to me, or about me. Zed has proven time and time again his loyalty to me and willingness to give me space. Which is why I need to stop thinking about Hardin, now and forever.

"Here you go," he says, walking in with a hot bowl of soup in one hand, and a tray in the other, setting it on my lap gently, careful not to put any pressure on my sensitive body.

"Thanks" I answer timidly, though I still have no appetite but know I need something in my system besides hospital fluids and anti-anxiety pills.

The nurse told me to take anxiety meds for the next couple of weeks, as there would be some hard-emotional days ahead of me. Though I feel mostly fine, I decide to take her advice.

I stir the steaming bowl of broth around, mostly playing with it, only taking a small spoonful when I catch Zed's eyes on me.

"If you don't like it, I can run to the store and get some you do like, just tell me what kind -" he begins, standing up from the bed.

"No!" I scream desperately, nearly spilling the entire bowl as I latch onto Zed's arm.

"Okay, okay. I won't. I'll stay," he says frantically, sitting down next to me and pulling me in.

I breathe in the comforting, familiar smell of his skin, and feel my body begin to relax slightly.

"Please don't leave me. Please stay with me Zed. Please," I cry into his cotton blue shirt. I guess the nurse was right about my emotions being unstable, as right now I feel almost as scared as I did last night.

"I will. I promise," he whispers into my ear, running a hand up and down my back as I feel myself suddenly drained of energy.

Noticing my heavy, sleep filled eyes, Zed lays me back down on the bed, grabbing the bowl of untouched soup and placing it on the nightstand.

He leans in to give me a kiss, placing it softly on my cheek before standing to shut off the lights.

Once the lights are off, Zed crawls back in, quickly taking me into his arms, as he rubs soothing circles across my cold arms, the motion practically putting me to sleep.

But, before I let myself completely fall asleep, I say the only thing on my mind that makes any sense.

"I love you, Zed."