Tomtord oneshot thingies i guess

Come back to bed

Pain.
So much pain.
Arms, legs, aching with every step. Head pounding, each breath harder than the last.

Blood.Blood everywhere.
Covering the ground, dripping down my arm and staining my red hoodie to an even darker shade.

Shards of broken glass littered around me, my skin pierced and splintered, though my mind was barely set on that.
My heart hurt the most, watching the scene of destruction around me. My three friends walking away, standing so tall and proud.

What was I doing?
What was I thinking?
Why did I believe this would be worth it?
Losing an arm, my right eye as useless as my sense of morality. Failing my mission, three friends gone while the respect from my soldiers vanish. Broken down, burned to ashes, my life torn apart by one mistake.

'Hello, old friends!'
'What would I need friends for when I've got this?'
'So long, Edd! World's not going to take over itself!'
'I am NOT YOUR FRIEND'

Crashing, failing, falling out of the sky, my body thrown against the control panels, glass breaking upon impact. My head hitting the walls, body bruised and broken, arm burned by the overheated engine and cut by the shards from the window. My entire right side scraped, burned, broken by my own creation.

The pain, unbearable. Body numbed as my thoughts swelled, fear rising, panic settling as I was trapped. As I couldn't even muster tears to let out, all I could focus on was the pain.

So much pain.

----

I shot up in bed, eyes wide with fear, tears sliding down my face at rapid speeds. My real arm clenching my chest, heart pounding, breaths taken to deeply and quickly for comfort.

Minutes spent calming myself down, mind getting foggy and light from hyperventilating. Once my thoughts caught up to my body, I let myself take in a breath, shakily exhaling with another tear slipping down my cheeks.

Robot fingers pinching the bridge of my nose, I tried my best to hold everything in, not wanting to be too loud.

Silently, I cried. Soft sobs leaving my lips, tears mixed with sweat as I shook. Memories coming to the surface, the look of betrayal on Edd's face. Confusion written all over Matt's. Hatred portrayed in Tom's eyes.

It felt as if I had no tears left to cry when my sobbing died down. Breaths still shaky, though were quiet enough to hear the soft sounds coming from the man sleeping beside me.

Somehow, Tom hadn't woken up through this all. Maybe he was used to me shooting up in bed once a year, or maybe he was just a heavy sleeper. Either way, I was grateful he was still sleeping.He looked so peaceful, his back turned to me, arm slightly moving up and down as he breathed. I was distracted from my thoughts as I watched my lover, silently thanking whoever was responsible for not waking him up. He shouldn't lose sleep because of me.

Though, my thoughts caught up to me once more. I let out a faint sigh, trying to decide on what I should do. Going back to sleep was out of the question. I couldn't take another nightmare, no matter how many wars I've taken part in. Memories were always the scariest.

I settled on getting up, slipping some comfortable, grey pants and a fresh shirt on, before leaving the room, taking one last moment to make sure Tom was still in bed. Beautiful, the most amazing man I'd ever met. His safety meant the most to me.

"Good morning, Red Leader."

A greeting from a soldier as I walked by. He saulted me, gaining a nod with a hum as a response. It was 2am, only a small fraction of soldiers were awake at this time, on duty. Each that I passed greeting me, a formal salute to show respect. It took four years to restore the respect I'd lost due to my failure, though it was worth the effort.

Barely anyone was outside, much to my luck. The dark steps descending from the door and out to a grassy field awaited me as I left the building. I didn't go far, sitting down on the last step to look out at the darkness surrounding me.

Stillness around me, a dim, yellow light above the door being my main source of illumination. It was near the end of winter by now, a small breeze blowing past making me shiver a bit. My T-shirt wasn't the best choice to wear, but I didn't care at the moment. In all honesty, I deserved to feel cold to counter the heat from four years ago.

"Put on a jacket, love. You'll catch a cold."

Warm material draped over my shoulders, I hadn't heard the door opening or my husband stepping outside. I turned to see Tom sitting beside me, a soft smile on his face.

"When did you wake up? You were sleeping when I left."

A simple chuckle left Tom's lips, his left arm linking with my right as he rested his head on my metallic shoulder.

"I tried snuggling with my husband. Didn't take me long to realise he wasn't there."

Looking back out at the darkness around us, I gave Tom a hum in response. At least I didn't wake him with my tears. Feeling him snuggle close to me, I glanced at my lover's face, seeing him close his eyes with a smile.

"What are you doing out here, love?"

A light sigh, a flashback of my dream. Watching my friends walk away as I stood on the hilltop and bled.

"It's that night again, Tom. Four years ago..."

Tom's eyes opening to look at mine in surprise, they soon softened to look at the ground, a light 'Oh' sounding from him.

Seconds filled with silence, words left my lips mindlessly, much like my past actions. How could I be so stupid...

"I made the biggest mistake of my life that day. Every year, those memories just keep coming back. The feelings, my thoughts. Even though things turned out alright now, I.."

Cutting myself off, my voice cracked as I spoke. Tom shushed me softly, eyes closed again as he shook his head. My left hand coming up to wipe my eyes, I felt weak knowing there were tears again. How did I even have any left.

Tom pulled his head from my shoulder slowly, his right hand reaching around to cup my cheek gently. He turned my head to face him, despite my eye darting away to avoid Tom's gaze.

"Tord, people make mistakes. You made one four years ago. A big one. One that changed your life forever.
But can't you see, love? Every year, the same nightmare. The same thoughts that I know creep into the back of your mind. You think you're a bad guy, that you're the worst of the worst. You tell yourself that every year, you make yourself suffer again and again for something that happened so, so long ago.

Don't you think you've suffered enough?"

His thumb rubbing my cheek softly, our eyes finally meeting. Tom took a moment to hold his concerned expression, face pulled down with sadness.

Tom leaned in slowly, our lips connected for a few blissful seconds in a kiss. When he pulled away, a beautiful smile dawned on his lips once more.

"If you were such a bad guy, would you have given everything to fix your mistakes? Apologizing to Edd and Matt, gaining my love...

Would the worst man in the world ever do that?"

...With Tom by his side, he would.