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Chapter 10. Optimistic future

Claire's p.o.v.
I think maybe this could actually turn out to be a good thing for me. He said I could choose any position I wanted and considering I might have lost that other job, that it wasn't even something I was looking forward to doing, I could actually benefit from him as much as he would from me.
This Alexander person wasn't so bad after all, he seemed quite honest at the end and I think we could get along as employer and employee if I could so easily bring out his true self. At first I could see right through him for trying to tell me one thing but having something else in mind. My soul may be damaged but my intuition is still working like a swiss watch! I could sense his uncomfortableness and easily pick up those body language signs that screamed 'superior motives' from afar.
He told me to speak directly with his secretary for the position openings and I honestly do think his heart is set on the right thing. I still can't believe how disgusting someone can be towards their own child. That was what actually got to me. That poor woman and what a life she must have had, being brought up, only so that she could one day serve such a purpose. I feel my stomach turn and I shake my mind from the thought. This feels right in so many ways after all. And although at one point I thought he was coming on to me, I was wrong. I realised that when he told me he was glad I had a husband and that this only clarified our business relationship status. Maybe I can find meaning in helping him but moreover that innocent girl who was unlucky enough to have a monster of a father.
What would I do, when my husband would eventually never show up? Why should he know? It's not like we will be actual friends for him to notice. He wouldn't be a part of my private life. We would only pretend to be friends in front of his father and obviously, as soon as the contracts would be signed, it wouldn't even matter. But then, what if he fires me right after? When everything is settled and he won't need me anymore. I will indeed sleep on it, as I haven't made up my mind yet. There is a lot of parameters I would have to go through and maybe set some terms of my own to ensure my future.
"Stop! Let go of me! Get off of me! I can't breathe! It's too hot. Someone, help me please."
I wake up to this same nightmare once more. I am dripping wet from sweat and my heart is pounding. I am breathing heavily and it feels like I am suffocating. I have to take something to get rid off these damn nightmares.
I walk out at the room's balcony and light a cigarette. It's a nasty habit I caught back when ... well then! I don't even want to think about it, so I push the thought away and leave it locked in my subconscious.
Tomorrow I'll be getting those pills from the pharmacy. If I am to wake up and go to work every day, I can't really keep up with my insomnia and eating disorder. Now that I think about it, I did manage to eat a big portion of that spaghetti the other day when Alexander took me to that restaurant. I catch myself smiling at the thought and I am so satisfied with myself for making this lifechanging decision. Yes, I made up my mind! Despite the awful start everything would eventually work out for me and I would escape my suicidal thoughts. I have to find a meaning and give my life a new purpose. I have to stop being passive and act.
Although it's only 4 in the morning, I am jet lagged enough not to realize how inappropriate the time is to contact someone, so I text Alexander that I've made my decision, requesting his secretary's phone to help me go through my options. I am holding in my hands, this black little business card and I read it carefully. Mr. Alexander Ronald Anderson, general manager. I remember him saying that he gave me the one with his personal phone written on it and that not many people had this.
I take one sip of my coffee that was just brought up to my room and...Shit! Only now I realise it's 4 in the morning. Urg... I am so angry at myself for not thinking before acting. Texting him at 4 am about work related issues only verifies his original opinion that I am crazy and he might reconsider his offer. I wish I could take back the message. Before panic strikes over and somewhere in between my completely irrational thoughts, my iPhone illuminates making that notification sound telling me I have an sms, but I am afraid to read it.
*Great! Thank you. I really appreciate this! *
I feel so relieved and I am smiling again. Being happy about something even as small as this, might be so simple and happen often for some people, but I wasn't smiling or even feeling anything really, no longer than a week ago, so this was a big deal to me. I was so tired of the emotional exhaustion I was experiencing, that I had gone numb. My tears had dried out and my voice was locked. I felt a familiar burn in my chest while making these thoughts and I promise myself to avoid them in any cause.
I was startled when the phone vibrated again.
*What are you doing up this late? *
*I just woke up; sorry I am so jet lagged that I didn't realize how early it was. *
*Don't be. Same here! I wasn't sleeping either. I will see you tomorrow. *
Alexander's p.o.v.
I put the phone on the night stand and instead of being angry for the disruption of my sleep, I am smiling. Obviously, I am more relieved with how things worked out, than what I thought I would ever be. Why did I bother to lie about me being awake at 4 a.m.? I think my subconscious is looking out for me. I can't afford to upset her or even let her feel uncomfortable and ruin everything that I 've worked so much for. I even broke the law just to get her phone, in order to find her again. I want her to feel comfortable and at ease around me, so she doesn't run away.
I wonder if this was the only way. Couldn't I hire an actress to play that role? No! What if my father found out? If he ever found out that I hired an actress to prove my point he would surely cut me off and he would be right to do so. I was after all saying the truth about what the fuck happened and I deserved to be justified in the end.
I see Claire from a distance smiling, siting on a swing that is hanging from a tree's branch. The sun is shining and her hair looks blonder with its rays falling upon them, as if they were made of pure gold. She looks happy, healthier and younger, when suddenly the branch breaks and she falls hard in the dirt. She is now crying and covered in black mud. The sky has turned dark and she screams in frustration.
I wake up from the nightmare covered in sweat. Why the fuck did I have this dream? How could I remember her facial features in such detail? I don't think I have ever seen so much pain in real life. The pain wasn't physical, it was emotional and deep. I haven't had a nightmare for a long time now, so what was that all about? Was this a bad sign for what's coming?
I get up to take a shower just 5 minutes before my phone's alarm went off. I am already in the shower when I hear that annoying sound and I try to ignore it. I chose the most irritating high-pitched sound, because I am a heavy sleeper that doesn't take waking up early kindly, as I am definitely not a morning person and I hate getting up because I have to and not on my own. I have smashed my phone to the wall one too many times before, but I prefer to wake up annoyed by it, rather than not waking up on time, as I hate being late even more.
I put on my favourite suit, after shaving, as I want to look my best today. I do feel very optimistic and I am strangely delighted that I will see Claire again in a while. She is like a little challenge to me, looking nothing like any other woman I knew and that was very intriguing and new, refreshing I might say. I take a last look at the mirror and I think I am ready to charm her. Although she is married at the end I WILL have my way with her. I always do!