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Chapter 37. Forgiveness

Alexander's p.o.v.
"I lost her... I've messed up mom. We had something special, I know we did. It was different with her and it felt so real for the first time. I am so sorry I didn't come here earlier, as I was in denial for a very long time and I thought that if I came back here, I would only confirm your death or something.
I read your letter. I made dad give it to me, so don't blame him for this. Mom...I do forgive you...I love you and I miss you so much. I've been missing you ever since. I am so sorry for everything you've been through and for not being able to support you. You had me though, I should have been enough... I loved you so much. MOM..."
I can't hold my tears any longer, but it was redemptive to let them roll down my face.
"I wish Claire was here, she would know what to say...
You should have left mom and taken me with you but I realize it wasn't easy for you, so I don't blame you for all the wrong choices you made. If only I was older, I could have helped you, I could have supported you and you would still be here. I am sorry mom! I am so sorry!"
At this point I completely lose it and my knees collapse to the grass. I hide my face in my palms and finally shed the tears I was holding all these years. I don't know how long has it been, but I remain there still, not saying or doing anything for what seemed to be a couple of hours, to make up for my absence since I never, not even once visited her grave. After that I start tellinng her about my life so far, but mostly I talk to her about this amazing woman that changed my way of thinking and although she thinks I was helping her restart her life, she was helping me to get my lost self back. The cruel unapproachable person my father wanted me to be, was disappearing day by day, all thanks to her and now... she is gone.
"She'll never forgive me mom. She is too hurt already to endure another hit from a man she only just began to trust. You would love her you know, she looks so much like you. She is smart and beautiful and too kind for her own good, but also she is as fragile and sensitive as you were, so I am scared for her. What if she can't handle all of these and ends up like you? And what if i ended up like my father. You should have asked for help mom! You could have made it, if you had turned to someone for support and guidance and you would never had gotten sick. Why didn't you speak to my grandma? She would be able to understand and know what to do. She hasn't spoken to dad ever since you know, as she hasn't forgiven him for what he's caused. I visit her, once a year during Christmas holidays, when I also visit my aunts. I don't know if she knows the whole truth, but I do realize I have to talk to her. I can't imagine what it feels like to hate your own son, but I know it destroyed her. She does visit me sometimes, but you wouldn't recognized her, as she became a sad grumpy person, which is the exact opposite of what you knew her to be."
It was getting dark and I was sitting against my mom's gravestone for some time now, again without saying anything at all. I put the letter in my jeans pocket and I head to the car, when my eyes widen from what I see.
"Dad?"
He looks shuttered.
"How lone have you been here?"
"For as long as you were here. Claire called me and told me she couldn't be here with you, so she thought I would like to be here instead."
"Why would she go and do that?" I say in fury.
"I am grateful she did. I was here the whole time and I promise you I heard nothing of what you were saying, I was only looking at you from time to time, to make sure you were ok, but I kept my distance, giving you the space and privacy you needed."
"You shouldn't have come."
"There are many things I shouldn't have done, but this ain't one of them. I am so sorry for everything son. I don't deserve your forgiveness, I know I don't."
"You are right for once."
"I have a confession to make."
"Really? What more could you have done?"
"Sell my own son."
"What?"
He takes in a big breath, holding his head and looking even worse than before.
"It wasn't Mr. Yangs proposal to marry his daughter, it was my own all along."
"No! That's too low, even for you!"
"I've spoken to him earlier and straightened things out. Me and the board have been keeping things from you. Our situation is the other way around than how you know it. Mr. Yang has the upper hand to everything and it was because he likes you, that he agreed to this, as I convinced him you would make his daughter happy and with this merge, we would rule the market, which was actually true."
"But how, I was studying the statistics daily and they confirmed our financial status the way I knew it."
"The statistics were real, but the other way around as well. Alicia is in this too, as I threatened to fire her otherwise. She was the one helping me, so was your previous driver. As far as details go, regarding our present status, just reverse Mr. Yang with us and you'll get the picture."
"We have to overcome this. Dad, what did you say to him?"
"That I didn't care about my shares any longer and that you would sign the deal. I also said some shit about non existing chemistry between you and his daughter and that it was wrong of me to even propose such a thing."
"Now what?"
"Now, we will be lucky to keep about 30% of the company's shares. He won't settle for anything else and if we don't sell at least 40% to him, the bank will eventually take everything. The situation is non reversible. I am so sorry...for this too. I was only trying to protect you from my business failure's consequences, as it was my latest bad investments that were too risky, that brought us up to this point."
"What will become of me? Do I have to search for a job?"
"No, of course not. Your income and position in the company will remain about the same and Mr Yang will sign a contract, as his word is surely not enough."
"About the same?"
"Him and his daughter will take the lead since they will own the majority of the company's shares after the merge, so they won't need anyone else to approve of their decisions."
"His daughter? She is a child!"
"She will be studying, while working and she won't really be doing anything other than learning for a while, but Mr. Yang was very offended for everything that's happened between you two, so it's kind of his way to revenge you, by making his daughter your boss. I am awfully sorry, but I think I only made things worse for you, by not telling you the truth. I was mistakenly trying to fix things in the way I thought was less painful, but all my latest decisions were as bad as my latest investments. You see, you should never make plans and decisions under pressure, as they will most probably turn out against you.
"Less painful for who? Your ego?" I ask in despise.
"Yes." He dryly admits.
I don't know what to say to this man, as when I would think he can't make anything else to make things worse, he proves me wrong. It's dark by now and I leave him behind, driving away from him as fast as possible.
My life had turned upside down, within a day. First I learned the torturing truth about my mother, who was suffering even more than what I thought she was, then I lost the only girl I ever really cared about and now I lost the company.
What else could possibly go worse?
I get in the elevator and I am tempted to press the button that would take me to the first floor. Claire is probably here since I saw the car parked. I want to, but I decide not to, as I know that I have no right to upset her again. Would she still be my driver? How would things be for me at the office? What a fucking mess!