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Chapter 63. A storm.

"He is lying! I don't believe him. That slime! He is good... is this how he manipulates you all the time?"
"Paul, I think he is actually telling the truth."
"Claire..." He stops talking and I see his eyes are filling up with tears. Fuck! I can't handle this. He is hurting and it's all because of me.
"It's good that you are letting out your emotions, so I am not going to tell you not to cry, but could I please give you a hug, as I feel that my heart will fall off my chest?
He opens his embrace for me and I run wrapping my arms around him too tight, crying along with him. How can anyone be so selflessly good? I know he hugged me in order to comfort me rather than for me to comfort him.
This feels so good! Why? Oh my God, do I have feelings for him? I feel his heartbeat racing, matching my own but I mustn't tell him of what is going on in my fucked up head, as I would only complicate things even more, as if that was even possible. I kiss him on the shoulder and I tell him I love him and I don't want to lose him. Then he grabs my face in his hands telling me he will always be there for me and he wasn't mad at me anymore, kissing my nose.
"Eeewww...That's disgusting" I tell him while we are both laughing and crying at the same time.
"No it's not! I love you so much, I could eat your snot and not mind!" He says while wiping my tear.
I take a big breath in feeling so relieved. I am so happy he could come back to me, as I think I lost him, but now that I know how sick this must have been for him, I love him even more, as I don't think I could handle it with so much dignity as he did. What an amazing guy!
"Paul, I love you too and I am sorry I don't love you back in the same way you love me, but I think we could get through this. You already spend the night with that beautiful girl and that's a start. In time you will be fully committed and in love with some woman that will surely become my best friend, as you came in my life for ever and I promise you I mean every single word of what I am saying."
"I don't want another woman Claire... Maybe in time, but not now. The woman you saw was only a fuck girl that gave me her number in that bar I was in, but I don't even remember her name. I was so hurt and angry, that I needed to take out all that negative energy somehow and because I was drunk and you were there in my bedroom, all I could think about was how much I desired you. I couldn't handle my carnal longing anymore that was becoming dangerous so I had to settle with someone who actually wanted this."
"I am moving out."
"What? No, don't do that! Don't go back to him, even if you guys will give it another try, it's better if you don't live together and you know that being on the same building doesn't qualify as not living together."
"I don't even have that. That bitch Mingmei moved there because she had a fight with her dad. She is a lying weasel and she admitted she will go after Alexander, as that's what she wanted all along. Anyway, I am not going back there. I found this apartment that I really liked and I have a viewing today after work, but in this weather I don't know if that's going to happen."
"Can you afford to rent a place of your own? How rich is your mom really?"
"She is quite comfortable as well, but it's not her money I'll be using, it's my dad's."
"Your dead dad's? Then you mean your money."
"Well I didn't earn it but yes, he left everything to me. I am not renting the apartment, I am going to buy it, so this will be an investment, as I wouldn't feel comfortable wasting his money."
"Well, that's actually amazing! I am really happy for you." He smiles and the world shines.
Finally the darkness left his eyes and I am so happy with how this ended. I think deep down he really did believe Alexander's explanation for answering the phone by mistake instead of hanging up and that eased on his pain.
Indeed, I can't even imagine how he must have felt like listening to us making love. God, I feel so embarrassed about it and I am hoping he did hung up right away, the moment he realized what it was that he was actually listening to, but I didn't dare to ask.
During the rest of the day, none of the appointments managed to show up, as the strong winds were non stop.
(Woman speaking on the T.V.)
...The snowstorm will only get worse, so put on your pajamas and stay home, as it is too dangerous to go out there. Goodnight and stay safe.
"Well, tomorrow is Christmas Eve and we are stuck here."
"Yes, but we have two very dear friends here to keep us company." He says smiling.
"Which friends?"
"Mr. Scotch and Mrs. Vodka!" He says and we both burst out laughing.
"Give me a minute! I have to call Alexander and let him know I won't be going there any time soon."
"Sure! Him, you remember to inform." He says in a rather fun mood.
"Ouch! That hurts." I answer smiling.
"Hey... Have you watched the news?" I ask him.
"Yeah I did! I am on my way down to come and pick you up."
"No, Alexander it is not safe. The lady said it's a snowstorm."
"Oh come on, this is New York. How bad can a storm be? The winds have cooled down now, so it's perfectly safe."
"I know, but she said it's going to get worse. Alexander I think it's better if me and Paul stayed here and I'll meet you first thing in the morning."
"Let's talk later then." He says obviously annoyed.
Paul hands me a glass of vodka while smiling, making me feel a bit dizzy already. What is it about him today?
"I prefer vodka to whiskey, so that's what I also poured for you, as I didn't want to interrupt the call."
I take the glass from his hand and I put on some music. This is going to be a long night and I know it's not going to be an easy one, so I agree that alcohol will make it more fun. We are already down half the bottle and making stupid voice imitations laughing to tears. It's past midnight and I am feeling so dizzy I just want to go to bed, or hit the couch to be more precise.
"Paul I am tired."
"Get up then."
He turns his office's couch into a double bed and gets a blanket from the cabinet.
"Here, that should do it." He smiles.
"Where are you sleeping?"
"I'll sleep on your couch."
"Do you have another blanket?"
"No, but I'll be fine. I'll keep the heating on high."
"Oh come on, we are not teenagers, you can sleep here." I say patting the bed.
"Are you sure? Is Alexander going to be ok with this?"
"Why shouldn't he?"
"I don't know, I wouldn't." He admits.
"I never thought of you as the jealous type." I say ironically.
"Well, would you like it if your boyfriend slept in the same bed with a girl that admitted her love for him?"
"No, I guess I wouldn't. Maybe I shouldn't tell him, but I trust you too much to be bothered by this. I know you'll be a perfect gentleman."
"Well, I cant promise you anything." He jokes and we are both laughing.
"I am so dizzyyyy... I should have stopped a couple of drinks before the last one."
"Yes me too, but we were so close to finishing that bottle." He smiles.
I wake up in his arms, feeling warm and cozy and I don't want to get up as this feels so good. He must of hugged me while sleeping, so I turn my head to face him and I feel my heartbeat exhilarating. What is this? I know I love Alexander beyond words, so how can I also have feelings for Paul? Do I have feelings for Paul? I am looking at his lips and I am wondering how it would feel like if I kissed them, but I shake my head away from him and I get up from the couch-bed.
"Morning gorgeous." He smiles.
"Sorry, I woke you up."
"You didn't, I was awake long before you woke up and doing the exact same thing you did, but then you moved, so I closed my eyes and pretended I was still sleeping. Why were you watching me from up so close that I could feel your breath? You were doing that for more than ten minutes." He smiles and his eyes are shining. Why is he so embarrassingly honest?
"I... I was just so relieved with how everything worked out between as, that I just took the time to appreciate having you back... as a friend."
He pushes me back to the bed and he is now on top of me with with his lips barely touching mine.
"You have feelings for me too, I feel it." He says breathing heavily.
His eyes are dark and to be honest I really want to kiss him. I won't! I am not going to cheat on Alexander because I am confused. I push him off and I get up.
"Don't ever try that again ok?" I beg.
"I didn't kiss you did I? Do you know how hard that was?"
"Look, please let's just go. It's Christmas Eve and I might be going to France for the holidays so I have a lot to do."
"France? You didn't tell me you were going to France."
"I wasn't planning to."
"Right, you just got back together." He says biting his lips, looking hurt.
I project my hand, inviting him in the elevator and he takes it. On the first floor the elevator stops, but the doors don't slide open.
"No! No, no, no, Claire I can't do this. I can't deal with it." He panics.
"Paul look at me." I say calmly, grabbing both his hands in mine facing him, trying to make eye contact, but he lost it. He is already sweating and his eyes are wide open. He then starts pushing buttons but the elevator isn't responding.
"Paul stop, let me call for help."
He is now in full panic mode, punching the door while I am trying to talk to someone through the emergency phone.
"Paul! Please look at me, if you look into me eyes I'll be able to help you." And he does, for the first time. I hug his face with my palms and I tell him to stay focused in my eyes. His breathing is unsettled and I feel he will lose it again as he is constantly looking away from me, flapping his hands.
"Paul?" I call his name but nothing. No response, no communication. He turns towards the door trying to slide it open with his hands and one of his nail comes off his finger, during the effort. My God! This is even worse than what it seemed.
"Paul, stop it! I called for help. You have to understand we are not in danger. You said you didn't mind if it even stopped as long as I was in it with you, so here I am. I am here Paul, I am here with you, just stay focused on me."
He is bleeding but he doesn't stop. He keeps trying to open those damn doors. Why? Why did this happen? He wasn't ready for this. I can't bare to see him like that and I do the stupidest thing a person would do. I get in front of him blocking him from touching the door and he scratches me, but the sight of my blood, brings him back to reality and he finally makes eye contact. I put my hand on his chest and after feeling his heart pounding for a few seconds, I put my head on it and hug him tight.
"We are fine. I promise you they'll be here any minute now. Is it really so bad to be here with me?" I smile.
"I am so sorry!" He whispers, lifting my face up and kissing me, but the problem is...that I kiss him back. The doors slid open and Alexander is standing there next to the maintenance man.
"What the fuck are you doing? Get your hands off her." He pushes him away from me, looking furious.
"Alexander stop! He was having a panic attack and that's why I was hugging him. He is suffering from claustrophobia, so stop pushing him back in and let him out of the elevator."
"Yeah, right! I am sure he arranged for the elevator to stop so he could do this. You are so innocent and naive, that it's frustrating." He yells.
"You are being irrational and I am not going to discuss this here with you. I'll come over your apartment later."
"Why not now?"
"I want to drive there, as I want to have my car with me." I say to him.
"Your car?"
"Yes, I bought a car. Now leave. We'll talk later."
I knew he only saw us hugging as we both pulled away from the kiss when we heard the doors open, therefore he can't be so mad at me just for a hug.
"Paul, can you drive?"
"Yes, I am ok now that I am out."
"Let's meet at your apartment." I say to him.
"Oh so, you ask me to go home so that you can pass by his house first? To do what? Finish what you started?" Alexander shouts, unable to keep his cool.
"Well, I was going to pack my suitcase so that we could go to France together, but I don't think I want to go to France with you anymore."
"Claire! Come on, I am sorry! Stop acting this way you're driving me crazy" He begs.
"Please, just stop talking! Paul let's go."