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Chapter 40. Too long

Alexander's p.o.v.
It's been over two weeks now and things haven't changed with Claire. We are drifting apart and that is not easy for me to handle. I've missed kissing her velvety lips, touching her soft skin and having her sleeping in my arms. The only thing I don't miss is her blossom smell, as it seems to be following me wherever I go, either I am in the car, in the office or in the elevator. It's only making things worse for me, as I only want to sniff it from her neck directly, like I am a drug addict and she is my fix. I have to find a way back to her, before I lose my mind.
Things have been very busy at the office, as I've signed the deal with Mr. Yang and now he has control of the company. I presently own 30% of the shares, Mr. Yang owns 40% and the remaining 30% belongs to the rest of the board members like it always did. People treat me with the same respect as before, although I had to work even harder than before, which meant no lunch time with Claire.
Mr. Yang hasn't forced his daughter's internship, after that talk we had and I actually haven't seen her since then, so I am guessing she already began her studies and honestly I don't care, as long as she is not here to bother me.
Claire was helping me and Alicia with all the extra work that came with the change and I wasn't at all surprised from how capable she was with dealing with everything she had to handle.
"Claire today is the date to have my cast removed, could you please check for the time? I want to see if I can carry through with the remaining pending issues for the day."
"Your appointment is in two hours, I have it in mind. You can easily complete whatever is in your agenda, but I don't know if you have anything else that I am not aware of."
"No, but I want us to celebrate afterwards. It's going to be the first day of finally getting rid of this thing and I want to do something that I wasn't able to do all this time."
"Like what? I don't thing there is anything you couldn't do, it was just inconvenient and it took more effort from you."
I move closer to her and I wrap my hands around her waist, feeling I can't wait for her to be ready any longer. I've given her enough time and more space than I could, I want her back and I am going to claim her.
"Do you remember the promise I gave you, for what I'd do to you, when I would finally have both of my hands available?" I say and I give her a quick kiss, but although I intended to leave it at that, that kiss was like I lit a match and placed it near oil.
Something awoken inside of me, but it wasn't neither gentle, nor controllable. I looked like a starved animal ready to attack his prey. All that anticipation and deprivation was like a volcano ready to explore. I remained perfectly still intensely looking at her lips, breathing heavily inches away from them and then I violently crushed my lips on hers while grabbing her hips pushing her against me, but only seconds later she pushed me away which felt as if she through a bucket of cold water, putting my fire down and leaving me frozen and wet. She must have seen it in my eyes and she stepped closer, looking at me in sympathy.
"I am so sorry, but I can't. It was very difficult for me to sleep without you and I would fantasize the two of us every time I was left alone, but now I am doing much better. I am seeing someone and he has been so supportive."
"You are seeing someone? What do you mean you are already seeing someone?" I ask in terror.
"Not like that! God no! I am seeing a psychologist. After I subscribed to that gym, I moved to the next step on my list, which was to talk to a professional. I've only had four sessions with him so far but he has set some boundaries for me and you are one of them. He won't let me be with you, as I have to heal myself, before I move on with a relationship and I know he is right. Remember that I know all the theory but I needed someone to monitor and motivate me while I apply it on myself."
"Claire, I've missed you so much it physically hurts. I'll take anything you can give me, just don't torture me like that. I need you, I crave your touch and I can't take this any more." I say holding her face in my hands, looking straight in her eyes.
"Then maybe I should go. He did propose that as well, but I refused it, because I like being able to see you, even if I can't really be with you. He also offered me a job and a place to stay."
"What? No way! Who is he? I want to meet him." I demanded.
"His name is Paul and I don't think you should meet him, as you are not a part of my healing process."
"I am not? But you said I was." I complain.
"Yes, you are good for me when everything is perfect, but the moment something comes up, my fall is sharp and hard and this is not the way to do this, as I will always be dependent on us and I will never be able to stand on my own two feet."
"Ok. Take all the time you want, but I can't promise you I'll wait for you forever, as I don't believe this is the way to do this. The two of us, are so good together, with you causing me feelings I never had before and the attraction is unbearable and uncontrollable, so no! I don't agree with your 'healing process', as all I want is to be a part of it. I want to give you everything and all I ask in return is for you to let me try."
I know I sound desperate, but that's what I am and I don't want to hide it anymore.
"I need time." She says looking away.
"That's what you said two weeks ago, Claire. Two fucking weeks! That's a lot of time."
"I could fall back to the state you found me on that airport's floor, just as easily as I can fall in your arms right now. My every cell longs for you, but I have to cure my soul first, before I allow things to go any further between us. And I am not asking you to wait for me. That wouldn't be fair to you."
"So, you wouldn't mind if I told you to drive me to Bella's place right now, huh? Is that what you are saying?" I infuriatingly say.
"Don't push it please?" She says with tears in her eyes and that does it. I wrap my arms around her and I hug her tight.
"Enough! We have to stop doing this. You want me and I want you, please don't complicate things. I will never hurt you and I will support and take care of you. It's not the sex, I swear to you I can wait for that if you are not ready, but I need your touch, I need your hug and your lips, oh I NEED those lips."
And I kiss her softly and she finally kisses me back, so I am being as careful and gentle as possible, afraid of scaring her off. And it feels sooo good, finally.
She interrupts the kiss and tells me I need to work, but I complain while still attached to her lips.
"Not yet. I haven't tasted these in what feels like ages ago."
Things were starting to heat up and she was finally responding, so I pulled back. I couldn't believe I was doing this, but I wanted to prove to her, that I will be respecting her needs and if this is as far as I can go with her, I am willing to stop every time, even though I want nothing more than to lock that door and make love to her right here, right now.
"We need to cool down a bit, as I won't be able to control myself in a while if we don't."
She walks towards the office door and she locks it, leaving me speechless. She can read my mind! It's not the first time this happens. She pulls me from the tie towards the wall and she unzips my pants, but I stop her grabbing her hand while asking her if she is sure about this.
"I can wait, I really can." I continue saying while panting, not sure I can actually deliver my words.
"I can't." She determinedly says, abruptly taking me in her, lifting her skirt up while I lowered her black laced underwear and lifted her up to my waist, with her back against the wall, at this point completely unable to try and stop this even if the building was on fire.
She was so warm and wet, only confirming me she felt the same way, I did. I've never wanted someone so much my entire life. It only lasts a couple of minutes, as it was too intense, too passionate and much needed for the both of us, so we remain attached to each other, still with all our clothes on, but I panic when I realized I didn't have a condom on.
"Shit!"
"What?" She frowns.
"I forgot the condom."
"It's ok, I am on the pill. I started taking it when you and I first ..."
"Really? So you wanted more of me as well." I tease her.
"I never said I didn't. I am just so scared! I really am terrified, as it only took one disappointment from you, to lose all my progress and if it weren't for everything else that happened to you at the same time, I don't think I could have forgiven you and what is even worse I think I would have once again sank into depression and self pity, if I wasn't so alerted by everything else going on at the time. It was the realization that you needed me more than my ego that actually saved me."
"So, you are still here because you feel sorry for me?" I ask, offended.
"No, of course not, I am here because I can't help myself otherwise. I am so attached to you, that I lied to myself about staying near you only to support you, when in reality I am here only because I can't bear to be away from you.
"I like that. A lot! But we will talk about this over dinner, as now I am half an hour behind my schedule and I don't want to be late to get this thing off my hand, as this was only a foreplay. Tonight I am planning on keeping that promise." I cheekily say.
"My therapist will kill me."
"I don't like your therapist."
"How can you not like him, if you haven't met him?"
"It's a feeling I have. Besides he votes against us, so what's to like?"
She smiles and leaves my office as she knows I am not going to get any work done if she doesn't. I can't concentrate though, as I keep replaying our passionate moment and I am smiling feeling content and thankful that I didn't lose her and that's all that matters. I will be fucking perfect for her. No more mistakes.