Restart

Chapter 59. My own office

I fell asleep in Stephanie's bed, while waiting for her to come home. I needed to talk to a woman so desperately, but she was obviously with Yiannis. Not that I wasn't happy for her, as I really hoped things would work out for the both of them, but I do wish she was here now.
I woke up at 7 a.m. on the sound of my alarm and Stephanie was laying next to me, sleeping peacefully. I didn't even hear her coming, so it must have been really late. I make fresh coffee for three and I activate my phone, only to wake everyone up, as it wasn't on silent mode and when it started beeping from the incoming messages, I couldn't stop it. I only covered it with a pillow to minimize the sound, but Paul came in the living room before it even stopped.
"Good morning gorgeous." He smiles.
"Yeah right, it's a great morning. I am so sorry I woke you up."
"Yeah but you made coffee."
"How is it that you can always be so positive?"
"You should try it too, it's nice." He jokes.
"What am I supposed to do today?"
"Get dressed for starters, we are leaving in an hour."
"To go where?"
"To work. You said yesterday you were ready and I am not going to leave you home alone, only so that you can feel sorry for yourself all day."
"And what am I supposed to do there? I don't have any appointments yet."
"As you also don't have an office. I do have a coffee table and a lounger in the extra room, as I used it as a relaxing area, but that's going to be your new office and it needs furnishing so you have some decorating to do to make it look the way you want to. I'll pay for the things you need, you just go and pick them up. I'll give you my credit card."
"Paul, I don't need you to pay anything for me. I will take care of everything myself and also next month I will pay half the rent and the rest of the bills."
"You don't need to do that, as you are doing me a favor really. It's a big step for me to be able to offer my patients the services of a psychiatrist when needed."
"So what? I'll come to work with you as a business partner, with no expenses and 100% profit from every patient you push to me?"
"Ah...yes, pretty much."
"I told you before that you are an amazing psychologist, but now I need to tell you that you are also a lousy businessman."
We both laugh and I am happy he is back to the friendly zone. I need him to be my friend and help me get over Alexander, as the first few days are the hardest. My phone was full of his messages, voicemails and missed calls notifications. Did he even sleep? God, I miss him so much! Did I overreact to this? No! That's exactly what I used to say whenever I left Michael, so I know I have to stay strong and do us both a favor.
"Come on Paul...I am a woman and I am supposedly to be the one to be late. What are you doing, is your mascara dripping?"
"Ha, ha, very funny." He says finally coming out of his room.
"What? I can't wait, so isn't that a good thing?"
"It sure is." He smiles.
We go there with both cars as I would go shopping later, in order to make this new workplace a place of my own. He is so kind to offer me this, but I know I will benefit him as well. I remember exactly how that room is, but I go there with him to measure the walls and every corner writing it all down, so that I know what size furniture to buy.
Paul's apartment is on the 4th floor so taking the stairs is not an issue, but his office is on the 9th floor, so I I grab him from the hand and tell him to take the elevator with me.
"No thanks, I am ok. Besides I don't have time for the gym daily, so this is my exercise."
"Oh no you won't. You said that you wanted me to help you deal with this and now is the time. Your first patient is not coming for another fifteen minutes, so I claim them all."
"Claire, I've tried this too many times. I am very uncomfortable in an elevator and I am fine with taking the stairs."
"Come on! I am rusty and I need you to be my first patient." I give him my best smile and he follows me unwillingly.
I press the button to the 2nd floor first and I am holding his hand the whole time, maintaining eye contact and he seems to be dealing this pretty well. We get off and I let the door slide close.
"How did you experience this? Tell me exactly what you felt."
"You want the truth?"
"Well truth is a necessary precondition for this to work Paul."
"You won't like it!" He warns me.
"This is not about me Paul, this is only about you, so what I will or won't like, doesn't matter."
"I didn't get my usual anxiety, because I was too busy feeling your hand in mine and looking in your eyes."
"Paul!" I protest.
"I told you you won't like it." He jokes, lightening the atmosphere.
I press the button and we are now again in the elevator, but this time there won't be any other stops.
"Ok, so now no contact and we will go all the way up. Are you ok with that? If not it's ok to press the next floor's button on our way up and stop it ok? It's up to you and I'll be right here with you."
"As long as you are here with me, I don't care even if it stops."
I ignore him and press the 9th floor button. He closes his eyes and this time I know he is uncomfortable, so I grab his hand again, as I don't want to push his tolerance from the first time. When we reached his floor he stepped out and exhaled a big breath, which he was obviously keeping in.
"You said no hands." He smiles.
"I saw you getting a bit worked up in there, so I thought it would help." I smile back.
"It did, I wasn't comfortable at all the second time."
"Well, we can do this every day, until you feel the confidence to do this on your own."
"That's never going to happen!"
"Never say never. You said that, remember?"
"No I didn't actually. You must have confused me with Alexander." And by these words I can feel his heart crying and the awkwardness is killing me.
Alexander...I miss him. He hasn't contacted me at all today, so he is finally giving me some much needed space, but I can't help but wanting to see him so badly!
After making notes about the office's space, I take the car and go out on a search to find everything I need. I love antiques, so I go to this little antique shop I found on google and discovered so many beautiful things to buy all together, that the lady offered me a free delivery for everything. The truck follows me towards the office and we take everything up. I tip them and I am now doing the decorating and the rearranging of the office, when Paul steps in.
"Wow, that's a lot of stuff gorgeous!" He notices.
"They all have their place don't worry. I love antiques and how everything carries it's own little story, which is why I believe they are full of energy, so I bought all the things that I felt like they were sending out some positive vibes. Are you done with your patients?"
"No, I am not going to have lunch today, as I had an emergency appointment that I had no time for today, so she will be here any minute now."
"Ok. I'll go grab us something to eat then."
"Sure. That would be great. I will be off by 5 and then I can help you finish up in here."
"Any preferences? For the food I mean."
"A sandwich is fine."
"Great. Sandwiches it is then."
"Claire? How are you?" He asks looking like a true sweetheart.
"I'm busy thanks to you and that's really good for me."
"It really is my gorgeous colleague, as it's really good for me too."
I know there is more to what he is saying, besides the professional aspect of it, but I am completely honest and straightforward with him about where I stand, so him being a big boy he is also responsible for himself.
We had the sandwiches while standing up, as he didn't have any time to sit and I forced him into swallowing it, because his patients wouldn't appreciate his rumbling stomach, or at least that's what I told him to convince him.
Not even realizing it, it's already past 5 o' clock and I notice Paul standing on the door looking at me.
"So, I am at your disposal partner. What can I do?" Saying that he steps in and looks admiringly to my completed assortment of things.
"I love it." He says while hugging me sideways like he always does.
"I don't care if you don't partner. This is my office!" I say with an attitude and we both laugh.
"Talking about gratitude, you are so full of it, beautiful." And we laugh even harder.
"Thank you so much for everything. I won't let you down." I am saying in all seriousness.
"I know you won't." He truthfully says.
And then we lock the door behind, to have our ways separated, as I am going to my gym and he will go to his.
"Shall we take the elevator?" He smiles.
"You bet! But no holding hands." I joke.
"Then I'll take the stairs, thanks a lot." He complains pursing his lips.
"Oh, come on!" I say grabbing his hand in mine.
I press zero and I know this isn't going to be easy for him, so I hold his hand and I lay my head on his shoulder, talking to him the whole time trying to keep his mind busy.
"I know what you are doing Claire. It's not working and I am sure you feel the sweat from my palm in your hand."
"We are here already." I wink at him.
Before the doors even completely opens, he climbs out of the elevator and grabs the back of his neck, like he always does when he is uncomfortable.
"You did good and I am very proud."
"You are joking! I lost half a quart of sweat in there."
"Yes but you are fighting this and I promise you, you'll feel better in time."
He brushes my lips with a quick kiss and leaves immediately, before I got the chance to complain about it. I think this was going great up until now and if he hadn't confessed his love for me, I would be fine with such an innocent kiss, but now that I know how he feels, we have to keep it strictly friendly, to avoid any misunderstandings. I will talk to him later and set things straight defining the boundaries concerning our intimacy.