Restart

Chapter 31. Anticipation

"Hello gorgeous," he says sitting next to me, giving me his sexiest smile.
I smile back and I start driving. He puts his hand on my leg and squeezes it telling me he missed me.
"So where to?"
"Home" he demands looking at me mischievously.
"Aren't you hungry?"
"I most definitely am." And he gets out a long row of condoms from his briefcase, smiling, looking all goofy with his right eyebrow lifted and his head tilted.
I smile back and I remind him that he needs to get back to work by 3 and that he must eat before that, or he would end up like me. I also give him the key and his facial expression changes completely from playful to angry.
"Did you meet my father?"
"No, he called me to pick it up from his apartment, where this lovely lady named Teresa gave it to me."
"Lovely?"
"Lovely and delightful. I ended up having a coffee with her and an hour long conversation, that I really enjoyed."
"What? You are kidding me. Don't you think you should have called me first, before you went there?"
"No, as your driver it was my obligation to pick up your key and I thought you would be happy about it, as it is what you told me yourself you wanted, earlier this morning."
"Yes, but I don't want you to have anything to do with my father."
"Look, let's talk about it over lunch. I am starving and you promised me you would help me gain some of my weight back, so by forcing me not only to skip lunch but to do some intense 'workout' I don't think you are helping me with my target." I playfully say, trying to lighten up the mood.
"Ok, fair enough! But tonight you are MINE!" He warns me grabbing my crotch while attacking my neck, which earns him a moan that uncontrollably escapes my lips. I am so reassured by his behavior, as he is making it clear that whatever happened between us wasn't a one time thing.
We arrive at that same restaurant as all the other times and I dive into my plate, trying to avoid the conversation I knew I had to have with him.
"So, are you planning on telling me about what you were talking about for one hour with my father's fake girlfriend?
"Yes, but I don't know where to start."
Did he say fake? Anyway, I am not going to ask him why he called Teresa a 'fake girlfriend' as we already had too much to discuss.
I tell him everything, leaving behind the part of his father being the mastermind behind this hideous idea and he doesn't interrupt me, but I know how upset he is, as he has pulled away from me and he is nervously moving his left heel up and down, his shoe making an annoying stressful sound at its every contact with the wooden floor.
"I should have known he had something to do with her disappearance. Now what? I am sure he won't just leave this alone. If something is characterizing my dad, it's stubbornness, determination and never giving up before having his own way with everything, no matter what."
"I think you should be positive and for once, just don't pay any attention to what he throws at you. Calmly decline it all and stick to your duties, ignoring everything else. Act like a professional that won't be toyed around, or tolerate being used for the fulfilling of such a ridiculous ambition."
"Ha, you don't know my father Claire. It's never that simple with him."
Suddenly he moves closer and I am relieved when I see him smiling and changing back to his previous mood.
"Anyway, enough talking about others. I've missed you. I was thinking about last night and I had an erection about a dozen of times throughout the day and I must confess, one was during a meeting with one of our most important clients and when he stepped up to greed me goodbye, I only offered him a handshake while sitting and I had to pretend that besides my broken wrist, I had a wounded leg. I must say it was pretty awkward to shake his hand while having a boner, but that did help me lose it." He jokes.
I giggle and lean to kiss him but he pulls back. I raise my eyebrows in surprise and embarrassment and pull my chair away from him turning all red. He stands up and grabs my face pulling me close for a kiss.
"I am sorry, I am not used to public display of affection and it was mostly a reflex of a thirty years old man, that had too many escorts that wouldn't mean as much to me as to kiss them in public. Please forgive me." He says this shamefully.
And by that he pulls his chair close to me and he kisses me again in a way that now I was the one feeling embarrassed to be doing this in public.
"You don't need to prove anything to me. I am a big girl and I know where I got myself into. This thing we are having is just casual and I know it means nothing to you. I mean, I know you like me and all but I promise you that I have no expectations for anything bigger than what this is, for as long as it lasts. This goes both ways of course, as I need you to know I am not into having a relationship or anything serious. My healing process has only hopefully just began and I feel like I am leading you think that this is more serious to me as it is for you. I assure you, I only want you for your body!" I say and I burst into laughter.
"Aha, I knew it! So you confess that you want me only for sex, then!" He cheekily smiles.
"Well mostly, but I am also ensuring my job and I must say it's hard work after all. You almost left me to starve today."
He is only smiling, looking at me in a way that my stupid sensitive smile interprets as enjoyment for the humorous way I look at things. Then unexpectedly, he grabs my hand and kisses it, before whispering to my ear.
"Well, for me you are much more than that." His whisper was the softest sweetest sound I ever heard, which seemed to cause me the loudest heartbeat.
I knew he meant trouble, but look at me. I was actually doing what I came here to do, a restart, but a little ahead of my schedule with my love life, that only two weeks ago, I was sure I would never again be able to even have one. He is so much more than sex and I won't even admit it to myself, but I think I am falling in love with him. Who? Me!
Falling in love sounds extremely ironic, when I only wanted to die two weeks ago. He has temporarily cured me, but when things start going wrong with him, I know I will sink down under again, as easily as I got pulled up by him in such a short time. I knew better than to think I was permanently healed, but I will gladly have whatever he gives me, for as long as he gives it to me and after that I will take it step by step. I was so tired and this was such a relief to my aching body and soul, as I was starving to feel anything else than depression and this was exceeding any expectations I could ever have.
A tear rolls down my eyes, not really knowing what caused it and he kisses it away.
"Did I scare you? I am so sorry Claire, I promise you to take this slower, as long as you'll be intimate with me, I will wait on the sentimental part of 'us' until you are ready. I just wanted you to know for me it's not all about the sex. I can have plenty of that with a lot of other women, but from now on and I don't know for how long, it can only be with you. I want no one else."
I am now smiling and crying at the same time, but he keeps going with his confession of our relationship status, from his point of view.
"Sex is not enough for me, but if that's all you can handle at the moment, I'm a big boy, I can take it." He tells me in a playful mood.
"Alexander you know so much about me and I know you are also a smart boy besides a big one and you do realize that I am not healed only because you temporarily make me feel good. You are like antidepressant pills to me, that once I stop taking them, I will be back to what I was before. I am still as fucked up as when you first met me, only now I have those dark emotions suppressed, waiting to come out from their hiding place, that they managed to build in my brain, with the slightest thing that will cause me anxiety, uncertainty or sadness. I am sure you won't have anything to do with me, after a while, as this is too much of a burden for someone to bear."
"Claire, I am a strong man, more than you will ever know and I've been through much worse than what you think. I won't be running away like a little scared child, as you think I would. For as long as this is fun for the both of us, I will be here for you to support you through your dark times as well, but if this doesn't please us anymore for some reason, then I promise you I will not abandon you, instead I will still support you as a friend."
I am wiping my tears away and I am smiling to show him I am ok.
"Let's get you to work. Oh! Also I forgot to tell you I want to speak with someone, to train me for my driver's position."
"I will do a private course for you tonight" he teases.
"Come on, I am serious."
"Ok, you can come up with me and speak with my assistant, to ask her about anything you need to know."
"I would love that." I say in content.
The moment he enters the car, he grabs me with both hands and moves me from the driver's seat to his lap. He unintentionally hurts me when I roughly make contact with the hard cast on his right hand and I yell out a low scream of pain.
"I am so sorry! Did I hurt you?" He asks me concerned.
"I see your hand is much better" I say smiling and he kisses me greedily.
His windows are black tinted and have this mirror effect for whoever is looking inside, offering privacy to the passengers so he reaches for the car shade, to prevent any unwanted eyes on us and he has his way with me right there, in the car.
"There was no way I could wait until tonight." He tells me while kissing me nonstop.
"I can't have enough of you. The more I eat the hungrier I get." He says now biting my shoulder and sucking my skin with a kiss..
This is so intense for the both of us, that climax finds us within minutes. He disposes of the condom and he asks me, if he can have a smoke in the car.
"Only if I can also have one" I tease him.
He lights a cigarette and puts it in my mouth, before lighting another one for himself.
"We are both quitting, you know."
"Oh, really?"
"Yep! This shit is not good for you."
"Ok. One step at a time please."
He is looking after me. He cares for me and I know he has stronger feelings than only lust, but I don't want to let that to get all over my head, because the fall will only be harder.