Restart

Chapter 61. Too much to handle

Today is Sunday, so I am on my way to Alexander's building to pick up the rest of my things from my apartment and if he is not home, also pick up the rest of them from his penthouse. I unlock the door and I find Mingmei in my bloody apartment!
"What on earth are you doing here?" I fiercely say.
"Alexander said I could stay here for as long as I liked, because I had a huge argument with my father, standing up for him. Your things are upstairs in his apartment. It's not like you need this, so please spare me the drama. If you come back to him, you can stay at his apartment, or if not, then he can buy you a new one." She says coldly.
"Since when are you two so close, that he offers to help you by giving you my apartment?"
"We are becoming closer by the day and as I once told you, you will be running away by the time I am done with you."
"Do you know how Alex and I refer to you?"
"No and I don't want to hear it."
"Well, I don't care if you don't! You are the 'robotic bitch' and this is how practically the whole floor refers to you behind your back."
"Alexander will be mine. I wanted him from the moment my dad told me about that plan and I did my research on him. He was the only reason I accepted to participate in this whole fiasco and you were stupid enough to believe I was this little poor obedient girl that would do anything her father told her."
"Well, you can have him! I don't want him but I am pretty sure he doesn't want you either."
I am now on my way up to the penthouse, trying to calm myself down, as I don't want to show him how hurt I am, because this was his apartment after all, so he had the right to do as he wished with it, since I told him I wasn't coming back. By the time the elevator reaches the top floor, I manage to control my breathing and knock the door hoping to keep my coolness after seeing him as well.
He opens the door and his smile reaches his ears, making my heart pounding like a drumroll.
"Isn't this the best surprise?" He asks, hugging me and telling me he missed me, while kissing my head. God I love it when he does that, but I manage not to return the hug, so by remaining unresponsive I force him into pulling away, steeling his smile and making him now look like a wet cat. That hurts me more than it hurts him but I promised to stay strong and I will.
"Alexander, I am sorry I came in on a Sunday but I've started working already so I couldn't come here on a workday."
"You are working? Where? Ha...why am I even asking! Don't answer that." He says, his words dripping with irony.
He turns away and walks towards the kitchen filling a glass with water.
"You want one?" He asks.
"Yes please."
"This is not fair. You can't leave me because I made one fucking mistake. One!" He emphasizes.
"It's not one Alexander, did you forget about Ronan and how you deceived me back then as well?"
"Oh, come on! Give me a break, that was before we were even together and it doesn't count!"
"Surely it does."
"So what? Is that it? You will live on Paul's couch now?"
By that I realize he doesn't know Paul came clean with his feelings and I am glad as I didn't want to have that conversation with him now.
"Aren't you going to ask me why I punched him?"
"No, I don't want to know, as he didn't want to tell me, so I respect that."
Why did I lie? I feel so bad now.
"He told me he loves you Claire! And I don't mean in a friendly way, so you can't work or live with him as he is not who you think he is. I even texted you a warning message which you chose to ignore."
"I didn't ignore it. He came clean about his feelings before I read your message." I confess, feeling a weight lifting off my chest.
"What? And you still choose to stay in his apartment?"
"I am leaving soon, as I already found a place to buy."
"To buy? I didn't know you were that comfortable. I mean I do remember asking you again if you were rich as you were staying in an expensive hotel, but how rich are you exactly?"
"I am not rich. This is my father's money, so I thought it would be a good way to invest it."
"Fuck this Claire! This will only complicate things more! Don't make any hasty decisions that only lead to our permanent separation. This is not fair! I can't lose you only because I was trying to keep you safe and look after you."
"Looking after me? Alexander you are joking obviously! Having someone to inform you of my every move on a daily basis is not looking out for me. It's violating my privacy and not trusting me."
"I didn't see it that way at the time. I swear to you I thought I was only protecting you and that was my intention all along. I realize my mistake now and you can't give up on us only because of that. Is that all I was to you? Was it that all our relationship meant to you? That fucking hurts Claire!"
"You know you mean the world to me, but I am not doing the same mistakes again. I can't!"
"You are not! I love you and I am not Michael. I am not jealous and I do trust you, but I was hurt to see you kissing another guy and although I knew there was a perfectly good explanation behind it, I couldn't control my disappointment for not telling me when I gave you the chance."
I drink my water and take a big breath in. I leave him and I start packing my things while he is standing there watching me and not saying anything. I am now at the door with the rest of my belongings in a bag and I reach for the handle, but I see his eyes watering and that does it. I am automatically in tears and I drop the bag down, running in his arms.
"Please don't cry, you are making this impossible to bear."
"Just go Claire. You don't love me like I thought you did and I see that now. You know I am completely honest when I tell you I didn't mean to spy on you, but yet you leave me. Leave then! I know I deserve better than this." He shouts.
"Alex..."
"And stop crying! You are not entitled to those tears, as they are fake and only twisting the knife in my heart."
This is too much for me to handle. I can't! I open the door walking out and close it behind me bursting into tears!
He immediately follows me out grabbing me and kissing me while crying himself.
"Please don't go! We don't deserve this."
...
My morning alarm goes off and I find myself waking up in his arms. He also wakes up and pulls me closer, holding me tighter.
"Not yet." He pleads.
"I have to, I have an appointment with a patient in one hour."
"Will you come back to me?"
"I need to think. I was only being weak last night."
"Last night was the best night of my life. Making sweet love to you after all this time, gave me back my oxygen, that your absence deprived me of."
"You know I love you, I am just so scared."
"Don't be, my love. I will never hurt you on purpose. I mean this more than words can describe, as all I want is to love you and be able to express my love to you."
"I have to go."
"Will you come back to me?" He asks again and I already know the answer to that.