Restart

Chapter 68. Heartbrake

I am walking up and down my apartment, looking like a deranged person. Everything Ronan just told me is like it gave me wings and all I want to do is use them to fly asap to Alexander's arms... and that's exactly what I'll do. I am in the car headed towards his house and I feel so ready to give us another chance. It's true I was too harsh on him, as I knew his intentions were originally only to protect me, but then he took a step further abusing my privacy by getting a daily update on my every move.
While the elevator was ascending towards the penthouse, I felt like a kid when seeing the fun park's lights while approaching it from the car's window. I had the keys ready in my hands to open the door and surprise him, by running to his arms and kissing the life out of him. I am so thankful he didn't do anything with that woman and now all I want is to be with him, absolutely certain about my feelings. I open the door and I am guessing he is not home but then I hear noise from his bedroom, so my heart is pounding while I run towards him with a smile even bigger than Paul's.
The door is open but when I see Alexander on top of Mingmei, I just stop breathing and I feel like vomiting. It can't be! No.
I open my mouth to scream but nothing comes out. Then he finally sees me, but he doesn't stop!
"Do you like what you see?" He tells me smirking, only looking like a stranger that I just met, as I don't recognize him the way he looks at me.
I turn around and leave the apartment, not sure I'll make it back home. Paul... I need to call Paul. This can't be true. This can't be happening.
"Paul..." I say gasping.
"Claire what's wrong, where are you?"
"I am at Alexander's and I can't drive." I manage to say, fighting to catch my breath.
"Why, Claire please tell me what's going on, are you ok?"
"No, please come!" I beg in tears.
Before Paul reaches me, I see Alexander approaching my car and I scream when he opens the door.
"Get the hell away from me." I shriek.
"Oh but why? I just came down to tell you that you can join us if you like. You've interrupted what we were doing, so I thought I should offer you a chance to participate, as obviously you like open relationships."
"Why? Isn't what you did big enough to kill me already? Please leave me alone, I never want to see you again." I weekly say.
"Oh, but it surely isn't! You deserve worse and don't think for a second that those tears will get to me this time around. You are dead to me! You hear me? Dead!"
"What the fuck? You've got some nerves after what I saw, to speak to me like that. You should be crawling on your feet for my forgiveness."
"Oh really now? I don't need your forgiveness. I need forgiveness from myself, for allowing it to fall in love with you and offer you every fucking thing, including my own soul! You ungrateful bitch!"
My eyes are wide in amazement to what my ears hear. Why is he acting all paranoid like that?
"All this because I told you I needed time? That didn't mean we could sleep with other people." I am now stronger as anger replaced my pain.
"Exactly! You fucking..., how could you do this to me... to us?" He is now crying!
And he shows me a video of me and Paul making out on my couch only moments ago.
"Did Paul send you this? Did he record us?" I say, feeling betrayed by the person I trusted the most.
"Yes! Your little perfect knight in shining armor gave you away. How about that? Isn't this a fucked up world!"
"We didn't do anything, nothing other than what you saw. I wanted to see how it would feel like, hoping I could straighten out my mixed up feelings for him, so I allowed the kiss, but it didn't feel romantic, not the least! And he knows it, I told him when I pulled off from that kiss you saw." I yell, pointing towards Paul who is now approaching my car as well. "Get away from me! I don't care anymore. Nothing! I am empty. Just disappear from my life. Both of you!" I sob while pushing him to get the hell out of my car so that I can disappear forever.
"I am not going anywhere, until I straighten some things out myself." Alexander threatens.
He gets out of the car walking towards Paul and if I could, I would drive away from both of them and make sure I would never see them again, but I am too scared of what Alexander will do to Paul as he is not in his right mind, so I remain there in case I need to interfere. Besides this is all my fault! My mess that I have to clean up, so running away isn't an option.
I can't hear what they are saying but Paul looks guilty and Alexander is yelling at him while holding him from the neck. This is another nightmare, I am sure I'll wake up sweating any moment now and all this will disappear. But I don't and now Alexander is punching Paul making him bleed. I can't just watch this, so I get out of the car running towards them.
"What are you doing? Haven't you both destroyed me enough already? Stoooop!" I scream with everything that I have and I kneel on the floor, as my feet can't hold me anymore. Why? Why is my life so full of drama! I feel Alexander's hands picking me up, but I push him away feeling disgusted.
"Claire, let me just help you up and let's go back in because we need to talk. Then I can drive you to wherever you want to go, or you can just leave with Paul, as far as I care."
His bodyguard is standing there not knowing what to do and when I spot him, I reach my hand to him as I wouldn't have Alexander's filthy hands touching me. He looks at Alexander for approval, but he quickly nods yes.. And by that I make an image of him on top of Mingmei. Why her? Why would he do this to me? If he gave me the chance I would explain why I kissed Paul. Everything was finally clear in my head and I was finally so ready about the two of us making a fresh start.
The bodyguard helped me up and accompanied me to the apartment so I am now sitting on Alexander's couch with my head between my hands looking at the floor feeling dizzy and weak, as if my legs can't hold my weight anymore. Paul is standing on the entrance because he followed us up uninvited, when Mingmei comes out of the bedroom smiling at me, looking like the devil's incarnation!
"Told you, I would make you go running." She laughs at me, but I gather all my strength, I stand up and smack her in the face, living a red trace of my palm on her cheek.
"Get the fuck out!" Alexander says while pushing her out of the apartment and closing the door behind her, while Paul is still standing outside.
He then sends his bodyguard away, but I tell him I don't want to be left alone with him and I demand that Paul is here too, because I've had it with their lies and it's time for the truth to be told for once. Alexander says nothing but I hear a growl escaping his lips while walking towards the door.
"Claire, let me take you home." Paul says, upon entering the apartment.
"Oh no you won't. Not unless you have an explanation for filming us kissing, without my consent and mostly why would you send it to Alexander?"
"Because I wanted to help you end this. You've been through so much, all because of him and you are still willing to give him another chance. Over and over when. Why Claire? Why can't you see he doesn't deserve you?"
"That's not for you to decide. I told you after we kissed that I don't have feelings for you and I am still in love with Alexander. Why would you send him a video of us kissing? I thought so much more of you Paul!"
"Oh, he didn't tell you the best part! He didn't tell me you guys only kissed. He told me you fucked him and things were permanently over between us, so I was to leave you alone, or else he would hunt me down, since now you were HIS girlfriend!" Alexander ironically says.
"No, Paul you didn't. No!" I feel the hole that I have instead of a heart, bleeding and getting bigger. Betrayed isn't the word to describe what I feel.
"If you could only think of how I felt, watching you having sex with him, then maybe you could realize why I finally gave into Mingmei's begging to fuck her. I wanted to hurt you the way you did and even more."
"I didn't have sex with Paul! We only kissed and I don't regret it, as it helped me realize I only loved you. But, I do regret it now, along with ever crossing paths with the both of you. I loathe you." I say, while crying hysterically.
I grab my keys and run outside, sending Alexander's bodyguard in, as I know what follows next. I need to get as far away from here as possible, but I can't be left alone as I am afraid of what I might do. I call Alicia and I beg of her to meet me at my place. She realizes something is really wrong and she just tells me she'll be there shortly, without asking me for any further explanation.
Somehow, between screaming and crying I manage to drive home and the first thing I do when I open the car's door is to throw up, letting out everything that I was holding in while I was driving. I smash my phone to the floor and I promise myself that no one besides my mom and a handful of people would have my new number.
Alicia finds me in an even worse condition than the one I was when I came, as I've been vomiting non stop to the image of Mingmei and Alexander. She puts me in the shower and joins me, so now we are both in there wet, still wearing our clothes and I am crying in her comforting arms. She spends the night with me, but we both wake up when she suddenly gets a phone from Alexander's father.

Alexander's p.o.v.
He lied and I fell right into his trap. FUCK! This time I know I lost her for good. Why would I have to go and behave like a hurt teenager? When did revenge benefit anyone? I broke her spirit, her eyes were bleeding tears and her look was empty. I killed her love! I punch my right hand on the glass table, as I want my physical pain to match my soul's, but I only manage to brake the thick glass and I am now bleeding! All I see is blood everywhere, just before I black out.
I wake up in the hospital and Ronan is sleeping in a chair next to me with my father sitting on another one right across the room.
"Your bodyguard brought you here just in time. Man we almost lost you!" He says before bursting into tears and hugging me tight. My hand has a cast, but I don't feel any pain.
"What happened?" I ask feeling confused.
"You had a surgery and we managed to save your hand, but that was pretty close man!"
"I didn't mean to hurt myself." I whisper.
"Son, you are ok now." My father says, looking ten years older than the last time I saw him.
"Am I?" I honestly ask? Smiling pathetically, while feeling sorry for myself.
"Claire is right outside." Ronan says.
"Claire?" I barely whisper, as if I was afraid that she would hear my voice and leave.
Both of them leave the room and Claire enters a minute later. Neither of us speaks, but she comes close to me, touching my head with her hand and I close my eyes trying to absorb this. My breathing is unsettled and a tear rolls down my eyes but she wipes it with her other hand.
"I didn't mean it Alexander. I could never hate you! Why did you do this?"
"I didn't do it on purpose, I swear. I just couldn't control my temper."
"I know... My God I don't know what I would have done if anything happened to you because of me."
"It wasn't just you, we both screwed up big time."
There is no more words to be said between us. We remained silent for a while but she then told me she was leaving in two days for London and naturally I panicked when Michael came to my mind. I am not going to let her go back there all alone. I don't know how, but I have to fix this mess. We belong together and it was luck of communication that brought us to this day, so I am not giving her up! She is the love of my life and I know it.
"You are not going there alone. I am coming with you."
"No Alexander, you don't understand. I am not coming back."
I feel my heart breaking in two.
"Claire, no! Don't do this to us, I beg you! Besides even if you want nothing to do with me, this is too dangerous."
"Don't worry about Michael, I'll sort this out when I get there. First thing I'll do, is go to the police to get a restraining order and if I don't succeed, I will press charges about the attack. Oliver promised me he would help me if I ever needed him to testify, so don't worry about me."
My girl has come a long way. I admire how strong she's become and I manage a smile.
"I am proud of you." I honestly say.
"For what?"
"For being this strong and independent."
"I don't have any other choice."
She kisses me softly on the lips and I have a total break down when she leaves the room, as I realize this is goodbye.