Restart

Chapter 67. Relief

I don't own a fridge yet, so I order drinks and snacks for delivery, but when the bell rings it's Paul holding the bags instead of the delivery person, with that millions of worth smile of his, shining brightly on his face.
"Welcome to my humble home."
He whistles while looking around.
"Wow Claire this place is amazing! And you are telling me this is the first apartment you viewed?"
"Well, I searched for days through the internet to find it, so this was when I stopped looking and yes, when I saw it, it was love at first sight."
"Can me and Steph move here? I mean wow, it's so good. How many bedrooms?"
"Just one. It's not that big, but the spaces are quite huge, so not bad for an British girl." I smile proudly.
"I am so proud of you! Not even four months later and look at you, being independent and all."
This man knows how to make me feel better no matter what. We spent the night talking about his Christmas, drinking wine and laughing, looking at the photos he took. His family looks like a lot of fun and everybody seems to be close with each other, as you can tell by their smiles, their proximity and how their eyes seem to be shining from joy, revealing that they are not just posing for the photo. This would explain why Paul is such an amazing guy, as obviously he had a wonderful childhood with solid good memories that built the person he turned out to be.
It's now past midnight and I feel my eyes heavy, so I fall asleep while watching the movie he chose, which was so boring.
I wake up covered with a blanket and I see a note on the table.
*Had a fantastic time with you as always. I didn't want to wake you up, so call me the minute you see this. I have plans for us today. ❤️*
I have a quick shower before I ring him and I am already in my car, explaining that I can't hang out today, because I need to buy a fridge and some other essential things that I desperately need for my apartment. I had so many chores to attend to that I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself.
He told me to pick him up as he had nothing else to do for the day and would love to help. To be honest I am so happy he offered, because I could really use his help.
"Morning sunshine." Oh my God that smile! Every time it makes me want to eat his face and I don't mean it in a sexual way, but in a cute way.
"Good morning to you too Mr. toothpaste advertisement." I joke.
"What? Don't you like my teeth?" His smile gets even bigger.
"You have the most perfect set of teeth I have ever seen."
And he blushes! Is that even possible? I didn't know men can blush.
"Oh come on, don't tell me I made you blush." I tease.
"You make me feel a lot of things Claire and I only let you see 1% of them."
Great! Now I am blushing and he notices it. Oh my God, is he going to kiss me? And he does... and I let him as I want to finally make sense of what this is. He pulls back smiling and I blush even more. How about that, that's definitely not sympathy or gratitude, that's...something.
"I'm sorry." I say.
"For what? Because I kissed you?"
"No, for kissing you back. I am not ready yet."
"How did it feel?" He says, biting his lower lip.
"I don't know, it felt good but also wrong. I feel like I am cheating on Alexander."
He turns towards the wheel, looking heart as this was obviously not the answer he was hoping for.
"I am sorry I kissed you then, I should have waited more, but it's so hard to resist you. Ever since you kissed me back in that damn elevator all I think about is those lips of yours and how much I want to taste them again and again."
"Let's just go. We have a lot to do." I say, trying to slip away from the tension that's wrapped around this moment.

....
We sit on the couch both feeling exhausted and I lay my head on his shoulder. There is still a lot to do with the apartment, but we took care of what's absolutely necessary and the rest can wait.
"Paul...Thank you for today. I couldn't have done it without you and I actually enjoyed every minute of it. That salesman was about to punch you when you asked him pretty much everything there was to know about that damn fridge. I think the man that designed it doesn't know all the information you do." I joke.
"Are you making fun of me?" He says, throwing me on the couch, jumping over me and immobilizing my hands.
"How long have you been looking for an opportunity to do this?"
"A couple of months." He cunningly says, breathing heavily and looking at me intensely.
"Paul, I told you I am not ready." I say, but obviously I am not that convincing, because before I finish my sentence, his lips roughly seal mine. This time I can feel his anticipation and he stops for a second, asking me if I wanted him to stop, but I nodded no, so we are on a full make out session, on my couch, in my new apartment.
I can't help but compare it with Alexander's kisses and all I know is that I am actually not repelled by this, but I don't get the shivers Alex gives me either, whenever I even think of him kissing me. I know, this is good, but it's not as good. It just doesn't feel like... that.
Damn, I wish it was. Paul is so much easier than Alexander but since when does love ever weighs that factor on its scale? I pull back apologizing and l tell him the truth about how us kissing made me feel. He tells me it's only natural and it's true I wasn't ready, but I knew otherwise. My heart belonged to Alexander and nothing has changed, despite everything he did.
An awkward silence describes the rest of the night and he leaves right after the movie, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I don't know what to feel, as I can't decide if this is a good thing. If my feelings for Paul were anywhere near as the ones I have for Alexander, everything could be so much easier.
Paul has everything I was ever hoping to find in a man, as he was smart, funny, kind and ridiculously handsome, but he wasn't... Alexander. I mean what's up with the chemistry messing with our brain and heart? Then I remember where and with who Alexander is, so I wish I tried harder to feel something stronger with Paul. Tears are threatening to roll down my eyes, but I get up, shake the thought away from my head and call Ronan.
"Hey Claire, what's up?"
"Nothing really, I was just wondering if you could get me a job application form from the hospital, as I would like to work there as a psychiatrist if you have any openings."
"Sure, I'll finish my shift in half an hour, I can stop by later and give it to you. They are not hiring at the moment, but it's good to have it registered and whenever there is an opening, they will call you in for an interview."
"Yes, that would be great thank you, although you don't need to do that, I can come by the hospital tomorrow and pick it up myself."
"No don't worry, it's not like I have anyone waiting for me back home." He says in sarcasm.
"Oh Ronan! How can you still be single? You are a good looking man with a great personality and for Christ sake, you are a doctor! I mean, don't women have a thing about doctors?"
He laughs but it's out of awkwardness. Ronan was every girl's dream, but he was lacking confidence which made it impossible for him to let go and show the ladies how amazing he truly is.
He is pleasantly surprised when I told him I've got my own place and now he is on his way here. It's quite late really but we are both not working tomorrow so I invite him up for a drink and to take a look at my new place. I am planning to host a party after the holidays, for the group of friends I met through Paul and I am definitely including Ronan, as I always had in mind to introduce him to the two beautiful single ladies of the group but never got the chance to.
He comes up, takes a quick look around approving my good taste, but tells me he is exhausted and leaves right after I give him back the completed application form. Seconds later he knocks back on my door.
"I need to tell you something."
"What?" I ask feeling extremely anxious as I knew it was about Alexander.
"Alexander came back from Paris the day after Christmas. Nothing happened with Bella, as he realized he couldn't be with anyone else but you. He tried to contact you but you blocked him, so he asked me if he could call you from my phone, but I told him that if you wanted to talk to him you wouldn't have blocked him, so he should give you the space you obviously needed."
"So nothing happened between them?"
"Nothing." He says shaking his head.
The relief that Ronan's words gave me is indescribable. Alexander didn't sleep with that woman and not because he couldn't, but because he didn't want her. He wanted me! My heart is pounding and Ronan smiles when he sees my smile, that I fail to hide.