Worth Everything.

An Adventure.

RICKY
"You're such a fucking idiot Ricky." EJ tells me, with Carlos, Seb and Red nodding in agreement.
"Like seriously dude, if your dad wasn't downstairs I would punch you in the fucking face." He adds on as I stand in my room looking anywhere, but at the guys.
"I know man. I know, fuck. I fucked up, I know." I agree, shaking my head in agreement.
"That's putting it nicely," Seb scoffs, and I look up at him. While Seb doesn't completely shut me out like Kourtney, he still doesn't really talk to me at all apart from the occasional small talk, and it's usually a little awkward.
"Seb, look at him. He's torn up." Carlos begins to say, but he's cut off,
"No Carlos, don't. Ricky, you have no idea, no fucking idea about how hurt Nini was. No idea about what that stint did to her. You weren't there everyday with her like I was! And now you tell us 'the truth' about that awful night, for what? How are we supposed to believe you? We were friends Ricky! You could have talked to any of us!" Sebastian all but screams out, and I feel tears welling in my eyes. Guilt riddles my body, and all I want to do is go and hide, but I can't do that anymore. Nini was right, all I do is leave and that needs to stop. I take a deep breath,
"I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say, but that I'm just so sorry. I never meant to tear our friendship apart, I didn't know what else to do. I fucked things up, and I don't expect any forgiveness. Nini just deserves the full truth, and I'm sorry it took me so long to finally realise that. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I hoarsely cough out as I stare up at my friends and a few tears escape. They all look at me, watching me on the verge of a breakdown and I bow my head in shame. I sit on the edge of my bed, and keep staring at the floor when I hear shuffling around, and then an arm around my shoulder.
"Fuck Ricky, I'm still pissed at you," EJ sighs before adding on. "but of course I'm with you,
I've got your back," I turn to face him, a little shocked. EJ and Nini have apparently gotten close the past couple years, and despite he and I being friends, I wasn't sure which where he would stand in all this. He shrugs and quietly adds on, "everyone messes up man."
"Fuck it, me too. Dick move Richard, and I wouldn't blame Nini for never forgiving you, but she does deserve to know the truth and I'm here to support you both." Carlos tells me, and I give him a small smile of thanks. He nudges his boyfriend, who is looking at the ground shaking his head.
"Seb?" Carlos prompts Seb, and and we hear him sigh before hastily replying,
"Whatever, fine. I still love you Ricky, but what a mess. At the end of the day it isn't about me, or you for that matter. It's about my friend, who is still healing, because of what you did."
I nod, agreeing with everything they're saying.
"Thank you guys. Uh honestly it means a lot. I know I fucked up, and I really am just trying to fix it." I say, and we all stay quiet for a moment.
"Group hug!" Red shouts out, breaking the silence, and we look around at each other before shrugging and complying. While it's a little awkward, it's still nice knowing that after all my shit, they have my back.
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Not gonna lie, it hasn't been the most comfortable drive. We chose to drive in EJs car, since out of the five of us; his was the biggest, but that still doesn't make up for the fact that it's still a tight squeeze. I'm also just really fucking nervous about what's to come with Nini, and the atmosphere in the car continues to be awkward and tense - it's only been an hour in to the drive. Thankfully, I'm in the passenger seat which means I'm not cramped up in the back, but I'm also next to EJ who hasn't really said anything since we left.
"Everything okay there man?" I ask EJ, he just nods in response, keeping his eyes on the road, not really opening the chance for a conversation up at all. I hear the guys at the back in the midst of an in-depth discussion about their shared loved for B99, and with EJ not wanting to talk, I stare out the window, hoping the next hour goes by fast.

According to the loud ass GPS, which startled me awake, we're about 20 minutes away from where the girls are staying and my nerves are paramount.
"Stop moving your leg, you're distracting me." EJ snaps at me, and looking down I notice my leg bouncing up and down. It's something I do when I'm nervous, and I feel embarrassed that EJ just called me out for it.
"Lay off EJ, he's already nervous enough." I hear Carlos tell EJ from the back, and I'm thankful for it honestly.
"Sorry," EJ lets out with a head shake,
"There's other things on my mind." He says quietly, and I get the sense that now isn't the time to ask about it any further.
"Uh, not to make things any harder for you, but I didn't tell Ash we were coming." Red says, and I look back at him, mouth agape.
"What the fuck Red? So, we're just gonna ambush them?" I ask in confusion.
"I didn't want to ruin their weekend with the news of our arrival." He replies back quietly, and although I'm a little annoyed, I nod understanding. It was meant to be a weekend for them, probably to get away from the tense atmosphere back at home, and I'm ruining it. I always ruin things, fuck, we shouldn't have come.
"Is this a mistake? Should we not have come?" I ask them all,
"Obviously." Seb replies with an eye roll.
"Oh stop being such a pessimist Sebby. This was the right move Richard. Of course, being honest from day one would have been the best option, but we can't change that. Waiting for them to get back would have made you drop your balls, and not tell the truth. So no, it's not a mistake." Carlos says, and I know he's right. Sometimes my impulsive decisions do come in handy.
"Thanks C."
"Of course bro," he says back with a wink, and I smile.
"No! I'm your only bro!" EJ whines, and we all burst out laughing, reminiscing on our HSMTM days, and I ignore the small pang in my heart that usually comes with thinking about that. It's at times like these remembering the old days where I know I have to make things right again with Nini. I miss this feeling of being a part of something special.
EJ clears his throat to get out attention,
"Well guys, we're here."