Worth Everything.

Oh.Hi.

NINI
In my opinion, based on personal experiences, after an ugly crying session, similar to that of the famous Kim K meme; you're generally either going to end up feeling so much better, or feeling a lot worse. And while I know I probably look pretty gross at the minute, I'm honestly feeling good.
I didn't say much to Kourtney while I was a mess in her arms, but just knowing she's there's makes so much of a difference, and a little bit of weight has lifted off of my shoulders.
"Nins, I love you, but you look like shit. Wash up, I'm waiting downstairs." Kourtney tells me as she gets off my bed, and goes out the door. I look around my room, regaining my composure, and see myself in the mirror. Oh shit, my face is red and blotchy and my eyes are a little puffed up. She's right, I look like shit, and start giggling. Now I also look like a crazy woman. Shower time definitely.
I grab my toiletries from a bag that I haven't completely unpacked yet and head into the bathroom, still laughing at myself, and turn the shower on.
I undress and step into the hot shower and immediately feel all my muscles relax, my hangover and sadness pretty much disappears into the steam. I step out smelling like raspberry and vanilla, quickly brushing my teeth, and moisturizing, before walking back into my room.
Kourtney has laid my clothes out for me on my bed already, while I was in the shower, I get changed into my outfit and look in the mirror. She's picked out a pair of faded black boyfriend jeans, a cropped black singlet and an oversized emerald cardigan, with an old pair of black converse, and a chunky chain necklace. Fashion goddess Kourtney strikes again! My face is still a little red and swollen, so I put some tinted moisturizer on as well as filling in my eyebrows, putting mascara on and a little bit of gloss on the lips. I look pretty darn cute, before taking a quick snap to send to my YAC friends and walk downstairs.
Not bothering with my hair, I kiss my parents goodbye, hear them telling me to call them at anytime if I need to, before Kourtney and I get into her car and head to Ash's.
"You look good Nins!" Kourtney lets me know as I pull out of the driveway.
"Thanks to you baby," I reply back to her, and she smiles back at me.
The drive to Ashs was pretty much just us singing along to whatever was on the radio, and enjoying each other's company. After a quick 20 minutes, we're there, and I start feeling a little nervous. I haven't seen some of these people in over a year, and a lot of things can and have changed since then. My worries fade as soon as I hear the front door open and Ash runs into my arms, followed by Seb, Gi, Carlos and Red.
"WELCOME HOME" "I MISSED YOU." "OMG OMG." "NINI!!!" they all scream out at the same time, as I'm being squeezed to death.
"Can't breathe," I laugh as we pull apart.
"Hi guys, I missed you all too," I say, and hug them all individually. I squeeze Red a little longer than everyone else, and we look at each other a little sadly before turning our attention to the rest of the group. We all stand outside for a few minutes, quickly catching up before heading inside to the rest of the party.

The night goes on, the drinks keep coming, and I mix and mingle with everyone. Catching up with them is really nice, and so far I'm having a reasonably good night. Steph is introducing to a couple fresh faces and I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn to see EJ smiling down at me.
"OMG, hey!" I shout at him as I wrap my hands around his neck,
"Hey Nins, welcome home," he says back to me laughing, as he embraces the hug and wraps his arms around my waist. We pull apart, and both apologize to Steph and the two new guys for interrupting,
"Do you wanna go outside?"
"Let's find somewhere quiet." EJ and I say simultaneously, and both laugh as we walk to the back porch away from the music. It's pretty much empty back here, with the exception of a couple people talking in the corner, EJ and I are alone. Great. This will be interesting.
"First night back, how is it so far?" EJ asks me kindly, as we move to sit on the vacant bench behind us,
"No complaints yet,"
I say back to him and he sits next to me and smiles,
"Uh so how's life treating you?" I continue on. We haven't really spoken in like, half a year, so I'm genuinely curious.
"It isn't too bad, ya know? The classes aren't the easiest, but I've met a tonne of great people. It's still hard being away so far from home, but I'm pretty happy." He replies back honestly,
"Yeah I totally get what you mean, and I'm happy to hear that you're good." I reply back to him honestly. We sit awkwardly in silence for a couple minutes, I'm twiddling my fingers together and he takes a sip of his drink.
"So uh, we should probably talk about what happened last time we saw each other," EJ asks nervously, breaking the silence, and turns to face me,

— FLASHBACK —
6months ago
NINI
"Thank you for letting me stay with you!" I say to EJ, grabbing my bag,
"You've said that 100 times already, it's fine Nini," EJ replies back to me, locking his car.
"I know, I know. But, seriously thank you,"
"Meh, Ash would have killed me if she found out you were stuck in CA and I didn't offer my services," he says teasingly,
"You're absolutely right," I reply back laughing,
"So, what plans of yours did I disrupt?" I ask as we stop,
"Actually I was just staying in tonight, so let me know if you want to do something before your tour tomorrow." He says, as he unlocks the door and we head inside.
I'm in California right now for an orientation of the USC Music Department, the same college that EJ goes to after getting a scholarship for waterpolo.
"You know, a night in sounds perfect. Gives me time to rest before tomorrow," I say back to him smiling as I look around. It's a lot cleaner than I pictured in my head. A couple photos are prodded around the living room, including some of us from high school, as well as a small book shelf, a couple couches, table, a tv and a sound system.
"It's not much, but it's home." EJ says proudly,
"I love it," I tell him em earnestly, it's so, I don't know, adult? Independent? Whatever it is, I like it. After a brief tour of his place, and an explanation of why his flat mates won't be home tonight, we get to his room.
"You can stay in here, I'll take the couch." He offers up kindly, and I smile at him.
EJ and I are in a good place right now. When I left for YAC, EJ became pretty good friends with Ricky, so I saw him often enough when I went back to Salt Lake. After the breakup, when I pretty much isolated myself from everything and everyone, EJ made sure that I was okay, and it's nice know he still cares now.

After showering and changing, it's only about 5pm so I decide to Post mates some Turkish food for EJ and I, knowing it's his favorite, as a small thank you for his help today. It arrives, we devour it happily, end up talking to each other for hours about school and life and avoiding the Ricky topic at all costs.

"I'm so glad my AirBnB didn't work out, it's been great hanging out with you again," I smile at EJ as he sits back down next to me with a tub of ice cream for us to share,
"Me too Nini, I've actually been homesick lately so it worked out pretty well in my favor having you here." He says back to me,
"Same, its nice being with someone who gets that," I say quietly, and he smiles at me.
I don't know what comes over me, it could be because we're alone, or maybe because I'm a little sad, or maybe it's because he looks so fucking good right now, but I lean over and kiss him.
He kisses me back for second, before pulling away from me, and looking into my eyes, "Nini?" He says confused. His voice went a little hoarse, which amps me up even more, and I kiss him again, biting his lip gently.
He moans into my mouth, and I push him back onto the couch,
"Nini, fuck, we shouldn't," he mumbles, as I kiss his neck, but I can feel him getting hard. He kisses me again, before sighing, and pulls me off him.
"Fuck Nins, I want to, believe me. But we can't, I can't," he breathes heavily, and stares at me. This is Rickys fucking fault. I start getting worked up, until EJ waves his hand in front of my face, and then fully comprehend what just happened.
Holy shit, what the fuck did I do. I'm mortified and feel so guilty,
"I'm so sorry EJ, I don't know, I'm so embarrassed," I stutter over every word, before mumbling that I was going to bed, and left him in the living room.
The morning after, I make his bed, and leave him a note profusely apologizing for what happened and thanking him for being so kind.
I quietly sneak past him, leaving the note on the table next to his sleeping body, with the cash I was going to use for the AirBnB and leave for the orientation, and then for my flight.

— END OF FLASHBACK —

NINI
"I'm so sorry, I really am. I'm still really embarrassed and feel so bad," I groan into my hands, not wanting to look him in the eye.
He nudges my shoulder, and tells me to look at him,
"Nini, it's okay. We were both lonely and sad, and enjoying each other's company. Honestly, I wanted you almost as much, I just knew we couldn't," he says and gives me a small smile,
I smile back at him, still feeling guilty for how I acted six months ago,
"I'm still sorry for even putting you in that situation, it wasn't cool of me at all,"
"I kissed you back, I wanted you too. It's not just on you Nins." He tells me, shrugging, adding on,
"Don't sweat it. You and I are cool Nins. Nothing happened," with a wink and a smirk, and I smile thankfully. We both get up to walk back inside,
"Hey, so will I be seeing you around campus in a few months?" He asks me before we open the door,
"Maybe," I reply back coyly, and leave him standing at the doorway shaking his head with a smile. I walk away giggling to myself, and go into the kitchen to grab a drink from the fridge. That was really good, I needed to apologise for the way I acted. I'm glad he and I cleared the air.
"Girl, where have you been?" Ash pops up from behind the fridge,
"EJ and I were outside catching up," I let her know as I take a drink out of my cup,
"Oh how is my lovely cousin?" She asks sarcastically,
"You know, he seems like he's doing really well Ash. It's so cool seeing him all grown and stuff," I answer her honestly and she nods her head in agreement as she smiles proudly.
"Oh, and I haven't thanked you in person for giving the grad invite to Ricky, so thank you for doing that for me Ash. I really appreciate it,"
"No biggie Nins, I'm sorry he didn't go,"
"Yeah, well, I invited him on a whim. It is what it is," I shrug with an awkward chuckle,
She grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze before saying she was going to find Big Red.
I turn around, and head in a random direction to find Gina. I haven't really caught up with her yet, and I've missed that dancing queen.
My phone vibrates from my pocket, and I look down at it to see that Em has replied to my snap from earlier.
'Hot hot hot!' She sends back with a funny face,
I laugh and start walking forward still looking down at my phone when I bang into someone and spill their drink.
"Oh fuck, sorry! I wasn't looking where I was going," I sputter out, bending down to grab their cup, and notice they're wearing vans.
"Don't worry about it" they whisper to me.
Oh please no. No no no please. Looking up hesitantly, I'm pleading with myself that it isn't who I think it is. But there's no mistaking his brown eyes, or those fucking curls.
It feels like the rest of the room stopped as we see each other for the first time in a year.
"Hi Nini," Ricky says, barely audible.
"Oh. Hi."