Worth Everything.

My Heart, Dude.

AU NOTE!
Yeah, I know. I disappeared again. I'm sorry. I get overwhelmed, and then in my head a lot, and life gets in the way. But I appreciate y'all for sticking around.
Another thing, drivers license is a fucking bop. And so is Lies, Lies, Lies. Not a fan of Skin, but you do you boo! It just isn't my cup of tea. But like, drivers license, you know? Wow. Also deja vu!!!!!!! LIKE girl.
She killed that shit.
I hope to be finished w this story before the next season comes out! Wish me luck.
I also never say this, but please, if y'all have any suggestions and input, feel free to comment! Inspire me a little more, because wow writers block is reallllll.
Cheers for reading.
It doesn't go unnoticed x.
Now back to the shit show.
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NINI

It's so cliche, but it's like nothing has changed. The way our lips just mould so perfectly together, being able to respond to his touch the way we used to, the signals his body gives away showing that he's just as into this kiss as much as I am. His tongue slips into my mouth, and I respond eagerly, pulling him closer toward me and gripping at his neck. Fuck, dude. I want more, I want him. I'm all over the place.
We pull apart, foreheads resting against each other, both catching our breath.
"That was-"
"-Kind of amazing." He finishes my sentence, and we both laugh breathlessly.
"Kind of amazing." I repeat lightly in agreement, and softly press my lips against his. This stirs everything up again, and soon our hands are roaming freely over each other and we're inching closer, and closer to his bed.
Then, his towel falls. And he's naked. And my goodness, wow.
He looks down at himself, then up at me, eyes wide, mouth slightly open, and face full of shock. We hold each others gaze, mirroring our expressions, before we both just start laughing. Laughing at the situation, laughing at each other, laughing because we're happy.
"That was embarrassing," Ricky wheezes out, "I'm so sorry." He says with a smile and quickly grabs his towel to wrap around himself.
"No, no, it's absolutely okay. It's not like I haven't seen it before." I say with a wink, "still packing Bowen." I quickly add on, as a sudden burst of confidence overrules me, causing Ricky to blush and and he moves to get dressed.
"Flattered, Roberts." He says, shooting me a cocky smile.
"Pleasure." I say back flirtatiously, and then turn to give him some privacy.
Chill the fuck out Nini, control yourself woman.
"So! That was unexpected." I say, breaking the small silence as Ricky hangs a towel on his door.
"Good or bad unexpected?" He asks, his back still turned to me.
"I'm not exactly sure yet, but I don't regret it." I tell him honestly, and he turns around, his face lit up like a kid on Christmas Day.
"Yeah, neither do I." He says back, causing me to smile just as wide.
What the fuck have we just started.
I shake the thought from my head, and will myself to focus on the present. You just kissed a gorgeous guy. Your ex. Who is currently making you pretty happy. Your ex. With the softest lips, and the nicest smile. YOUR EX. Ugh, shut up Nini. Enjoy yourself.
A quick glance at my phone shows a few missed calls from pals, as well as texts from my Moms, a couple group chats, and Harry wishing me a good weekend off.
"Anything you wanna do today?" Ricky asks, making me look up from my phone.
You. You. You.
"Uh-" I pause to think, ignoring the horny parts of head screaming at me to suggest sex,
"Actually, do you maybe wanna go to Lagoon? It's been a couple year since I last went."
He pauses a little, probably to think, before nodding his head.
"You know what, okay. I haven't been in a bit as well."
"Just one thing first." I say, and take a step towards him. He must read my mind because before I know it, our lips have met and we're giggling at each other like two idiot teenagers.
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We've been at Lagoon for almost two hours and, honestly, today is one of the best days I have had in so long. We've been on a few rides, eaten our weight in cotton candy, taken silly photos, and surprisingly haven't seen anybody we know. Food, fun, fairs, fucking (yeah okay, not that last one ) and being with Ricky doesn't totally suck as well.
Am I aware that this is kind of like a date? I mean, I'm not stupid. Of course I notice the resemblance. It's not though. I swear.
Is there a part of me that knows I'm probably going to be hurt soon? Shit yes.
Am I trying my damn hardest to ignore it? Abso-fucking-lutetly.
I don't want anything to ruin this day even if it means I'm going to be pretty fucking wrecked sooner, rather than later.
"Here you go." Ricky says, disrupting my inner turmoil, with a smile as he hands me a hot dog.
"Thanks," I reply, and take a bite, "Yep, still just as bad as I remember." I say laughing, and take another bite of it.
"Yeah, I still don't understand why you put yourself through that." He says with a chuckle and a head shake as he pops a fry into his mouth.
"Meh, it's kind of worth it." I say with a shrug, and he just stares at me with a smile.
Oof, that fucking smile.
"You're blushing, Roberts." Ricky says, calling me out.
"Well, you're staring Bowen." I mumble back, glaring at him jokingly.
"Can't help it. You're beautiful." He says quietly, looking at me through his lashes. Ugh fuck. This fucking dude, man. My heart. A silence passes between us as we stare at each other. It's not awkward nor uncomfortable. It's just.. It's just us. I don't know.
"Nini?" Someone calls from behind me, causing Ricky to break the gaze and stare at whoever it was. He freezes immediately, and I turn my head around to see who it was to make him react that way. Oh shoot. Fuck. Yep, he saw me staring. I have to say hello. Just as I was saying my day was going great. Also, why did Ricky react that way? I barely knew Tyler when Ricky and I were together. Strange.
"Tyler! Hey!" I say, and get up to hug him.
"You're looking as gorgeous as ever." Tyler flirts, before introducing me to the person behind him. "Nini, Alex. Alex, Nini."
"Nice to meet you, Alex." I tell the tall guy, who is giving me the creeps as he is looking me up and down, clearly liking what he sees. Ick.
"Pleasure is all mine, Mimi." Alex purrs put confidently. Gross. And also, Mimi? Before I get the chance to correct this Alex dude, someone else beats me to it.
"It's Nini. With an N. Nini. You know, like, 'N' for No. Nope. Never. Nada. Not happeNiNg." Ricky says from behind me, and I hide the chuckle that so desperately wants to come out.
"Who are you, curly boy?" Alex asks with an attitude. Wow, what is this guys deal.
"Shit sorry, how rude of me. Ricky, this is Tyler. A friend from YAC. And, Tyler, this is Ricky. Friend from EHS. And I guess that is Tyler's rude friend, Alex."
"Ricky.." I hear Tyler mumble out, as if he recognises that name, and Alex, or whatever, just rolls his eyes and take a huge sip from his plastic straw. Didn't realise those still existed to be frank.
"I messaged you a couple days ago and got nothing in return. Have you forgotten about me already Sal-Robs?" Tyler asks, and I inwardly cringe. Admittedly, I had ignored the texts, spouting some excuse that I would reply later on, and clearly hadn't.
"I'm a busy girl, Ty. Always doing something," I respond, a little awkwardly, and notice Ricky slightly chuckle.
"That you are." Tyler says and looks me up and down, throwing me a wink to which I just scoff and shake my head at. We're flirty, but it feels weird in front of Ricky. That's the end of that.
"Anyway, Ricky and I were planning on hitting Cannibal before this place closes, so I'll see you later?" I say, grabbing Ricky's hand and pulling him away from those two idiots.
"Oh yeah, okay. See you Nini, bye Rocky." Tyler calls out as we both wave with our free hands, me basically pulling Ricky with me, and turn the corner out of their eyesight. I release a breath that I hadn't even I was holding in.
We walk in silence down the crowded path, still hand in hand. That was just fucking weird. Tyler is an arrogant douche. I know that, he knows that. It was kind of all apart of his charm. But his friend was kind of a dick for no reason, and it gave me a weird feeling. Ugh. I feel Ricky give my hand a squeeze so I look at him, and he shoots me a smile.
"You okay?" He asks, and I take a second to respond.
"That was uncomfortable and awkward, I'm so sorry." I tell him, to which he just waves me off.
"Nothing to apologise for, Nins. You did nothing wrong. I'm sorry you felt uncomfortable though." Ricky says as he swings our hands up in the air.
"Yeah, that was strange." I say with a shrug. I can't let this affect my day. "Come on, I'm dwelling! Lets go to Cannibal. I wasn't lying about the ride." I say with a smile.
"Lead the way, Roberts." He says, and I tug him along the path to the ride.
"Nins?" I hear him say as walk and I turn to look at him with a "mm?"
"I just have one question for ya," He says, and my breath hitches a little, wondering what he's about to ask.
"Rocky? Rocky? Do I look like a fucking Rocky?" Ricky bursts incredulously, and I laugh loudly, my grins as wide as the Cheshire cat. This fucking guy.
"For the record, Bowen, I think you'd make a very handsome Rocky." I reply and am met with a breath taking kiss.
Fuck dude.
my fucking heart.
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We didn't stay too long after running into Tyler and his friend. Maybe it was that we had spent enough time there, had rode the rides and ate the food and saw all that we wanted to see. Or maybe it was not wanting to run into them again, and the slight shift in dynamics between us that happened after seeing them. Regardless, here we are, driving back home listening to the radio. Ricky's driving, one hand gripping the steering wheel, and the other tapping it gently as he sings quietly to the song being played. I have to resist staring at him as I listen intently to him singing. He's just so talented, and handsome. Music was something that he and I had a shared love for, and was a pretty big part of our relationship. The amount of time we spent in this very car, belting out songs together, or singing them quietly, or just listening to them relishing in each others company.. I mean, it's countless. It's scary how familiar this feels.. How right it feels.
I'm getting in my feelings. Gotta shake it.
"Have to admit, Bowen, today was a pretty good day." I tell him, breaking the peaceful silence between us.
"Glad you think so as well, Nins. It was indeed a fantastic day." He says back as he turns the volume down a little. "And there was no vomit from either of us, so that's a win!" He exclaims causing me to both laugh and cringe at the memories.
"First time for everything." I agree laughing, and he joins in. We both really need to work on our weak stomachs.
He scratches the back of his neck with his freehand, a clear indicator that there is something else on his mind. Should I ask? I don't really know what my role is, like sure, we're friends, but friends don't kiss each other, or feel things, or I don't know, I'm rambling and I-
"So, Tyler? You said a friend from YAC?" He asks curiously, interrupting my disruptive thoughts.
"Uh, yeah. We starred alongside each other in a couple productions, shared a few classes here and there." I tell him, leaving out the fact that he and I definitely used to hook up. Like, you know, on the regular.
"His friend was kind of a dick, right?" Ricky says, to which I agree,
"Yeah, he was strange. It's weird because at YAC, he, well we, didn't have friends like that. There were assholes at that school, and we tended to stay away from them. I don't know." I ramble on, the confusion still clear in my head. I don't really care all that much, it really was just weird.
"Oh okay. So you and Tyler were friends? Like with Em and Kaia?" Ricky asks.
"I guess, yeah. Em and Kaia weren't as friendly with Tyler as I was, but we all ran in the same circle." I say shrugging.
"I don't really remember him from your first year, was he new or something?"
"I didn't really get to know him that well until you and I broke up." I say honestly.
"Oh. OH. So you guys dated?" He asks.
"No, dated isn't the right word to use with he and I." I say, hating the direction of conversation.
"I'm confused?" Ricky says as he drums a finger on the steering wheel.
"He is to me, what Maggie is to you." I tell him bluntly, a reminder that, yes, I have had sex with other people, but so has he. We weren't together, we both had needs. This shuts him up completely, his eyes widened a little, and mouth slightly agape. I mean. Like, it's true.
"Right, yeah. Fair point. Sorry." He stutters out, and I can't help but find the humour in the situation. Two exes, kissing exes, talking about our past sexual partners, clearly uncomfortable, but not being able to help our curiosity. I don't know man, it's funny, is it funny? I don't even know at this stage, maybe I'm just giddy.. But regardless, I start giggling, quietly and Ricky looks at me briefly, confused, to which I just fucking snort. That was enough to make him smile, and soon we are both laughing like idiots, apologising for overall being stupid. It eases the tension that was there since we ran into Tyler, and of course the conversation in the car, and thus, eventually getting back into the comfort of one another, talking and singing and laughing for the rest of the way back.

We get back to his place just as it's getting dark, making no move to get out of his car car.
I know it's time to go, I know I should go, but I kinda don't want to go.
He sits in the drivers seat, leaning on his window, turned to face me, and I'm resting my head against the dash board, staring right back at him.
"Today was sort of amazing, Nins." He says quietly, as he stares at me with those brown eyes.
"Even running into Tyler and his friend?" I ask curiously, gently grabbing his hand, rubbing my thumb against his palm, it's almost like muscle memory.
"Didn't take anything away from the day with you." He tells me, and I smile at him. I flicker my eyes down to his lips, and see him smirk as I lean towards him, pushing my lips onto his. And just like every other time, my heart skips a beat, and the butterflies in explode in my stomach. We pull away gasping for air, just grinning at each other. Dude, I want to fuck him. I can't though. Fuck man. He must feel the same way, or maybe he can feel my hesitation because he exhales deeply and shakes his head.
"We should stop this before things go too far." Ricky groans as he runs his hands through his hair. Same dude, same.
"You're right, you're definitely right." I agree biting my lip, which causes him to stare at my mouth hungrily. But like, damn.
"Fuck.. One more?" He says, grabbing my hands and I nod smiling at him, as he closes the space between us one more time.. Yeah, definitely need to stop. Now.
My skins traces his arms, and I feel the goosebumps raise as he moans into his mouth. Wow, it's so hot. I smile into the kiss, and pull away slowly. I want him, right now, but I can't let that happen.
"I better get going." I tell him as I lean against the passenger trying to compose myself a little.
"Yeah, you smell a little. Get out of my car." Ricky says as he looks at me, his eyes ablaze, and a smile on his swollen lips.
"You're a dick." I laugh as I open his door, and step out of the car. I gather my things up,making sure I have my keys, and bend down to look at Ricky who's just watching me from the drivers seat with a small smile on his cute as fuck face.
"For the record, today was pretty amazing for me too. See you later, Bowen." I say with a wink, and close the passenger door before he can say another smart ass comment.
I hear his door open and him calling my name, so I turn around with an eyebrow raised.
"When am I seeing you again, Roberts?" He calls out to me.
"I'll think about it, Rocky!" I say back laughing, and turn around again, throwing him a wave and getting into my car with a huge grin plastered on my face.

I'm on top of the world and it's terrifying.