Worth Everything.

That Night.

— FLASHBACK —
1 year ago

NINI
Rickys picking me up soon to go to EJs graduation party. We still aren't in the best place, but it feels like we're getting better.
He told me about his anxiety disorder when he picked me up from my flight a couple days ago and while I was a little annoyed that he kept that from me for a couple months, I told him that I'm always here for him to talk to and apologised that he didn't feel like he could. He reassured me that it wasn't my fault at all, but that he was working through some shit and didn't want to drag me down. Silly to me, but important to him, and I need to respect that. We haven't really spent time together since I've been back, but we have the whole break to annoy one another and I'm looking forward to rebuilding our relationship now that everything is out in the open.
I hear a knock on the door, and Mama C letting Ricky in. Putting one a last coat of red lipstick, I run downstairs, excited to see my boyfriend. He looks at me automatically,
"Wow," he says and I twirl around for him. I'm wearing a tight black dress, black vans, my hair is in low messy bun and I have a coat if it gets cold. Simple, but sexy.
"Have fun you two. Text us at anytime if you need to," Mama C says to us, as we head out the door. "Love you!" Mama D shouts out to us both as they close the door behind us.
Walking to his car hand in hand, "You look beautiful" Ricky tells me, his voice a little off.
"Thank you. You okay babe?" I ask him,
"Yeah I'm good," he says with a smile taking my hand as we walk to his car. We stop at the car, and he leans against the side door and pulls me into him kissing me so passionately,
"I love you always Nins" he tells me, his voice thick with emotion.
"I love you Ricky," I say back smiling. Something seems a little off with him tonight, but I figure it's the meds he's on. He told me they make him feel weird, so I don't push him on it.
We drive in silence on the way to EJs, Ricky not letting go of my hand the entire time. I catch him taking a few peeks of me, and feel myself blush.
"You are the most beautiful girl," he tells me,
"You're not so bad yourself my love," I say as I move our hands up so I can kiss the back of his hand.
Soon enough we're at EJs, and the crowd looks bigger than what I anticipated. I look over to Ricky who looks nervous, and ask if he's sure he's okay. He tells me he's fine, kisses me again and we walk into the house.
We're hit with swaying bodies and loud music and I squeeze his hand. Seeing Kourt and Seb in the corner, I tell Ricky I'm going to head over to them. He hesitantly let's go of my hand, and kisses me again. It's filled with so much passion and emotion and honestly it leaves me almost speechless. "Wow. I love you baby." I say, my breath slightly hitched.
"Always Nins, I love you" he says, pressing another kiss into my hair, before walking in an opposite direction. His mood is a little off, but again, I brush it off.
I make my way over to my friends across the room. Geez there's a lot of people here.
"Hi baby girl," Kourt says, pulling me into a hug.
"Hey Nins," Seb shouts, joining in on the hug.
"Hello my favourite people," I say with a smile. "There are like 1000 people here," I say hyperbolically,
"Yeah, who knew the gorgeous, good at everything, UCLA student was so popular?" Seb says laughing about EJ and Kourt and I join in.
"Fair point," I say still laughing. We stand together catching up, and it feels like I never left. I'm starting to question whether I made the right decision to leave, it just feels easier back home. I look over scanning the room for Ricky and see him talking to Big Red from across the room. We make eye contact and I smile at him lovingly, he smiles back, though not quite reaching his eyes. I say goodbye to my friends and start making my way over to make sure my boyfriend is okay when I feel someone wrap their arms around me. I turn to see Gina and next to her is a cute, tall guy who I think might just be her boyfriend.
"Nins, this is Gray. Gray, this is Nini," she says, introducing me to the guy she's been talking about nonstop for the past couple months.
"Hi! I've heard so much about you, it's nice to put a face to your name." I say smiling,
"Likewise, it's lovely to finally meet you." Gray says back. "So, tell me all about how you guys met." I say, and watch Gina blush. I spend the next 20 minutes listening to Gray and Gina talk about how they met at a hip hop class, and how as soon as he saw Gina he was smitten and she basically said the same. They then explain that one time Gray was trying to impress Gina, he ended up fumbling over his own feet and fell flat on his butt in front of me, and they've basically been inseparable since then. The way the talk about each other, and look at each other is so endearing, and reminds me that I haven't seen Ricky in a bit.
I politely excuse myself and walk over to where I saw Ricky last. Big Red and Ash are there, but Ricky isn't in sight.
"Hey lovebirds," I say to them, and they smile at each other and laugh.
"Welcome home!" Ash and Red say pulling me into a hug.
"Thanks guys. It's so nice being back with everyone!" I tell them happily. I haven't felt this happy in so long.. I didn't realise how unhappy I actually was until now. Wow. Shit, should I move back? The thought goes fast through my mind. I make a mental note to think about this another time, where there isn't loud music, pulsating lights, alcohol and an absentee boyfriend to distract me. Speaking of,
"Do you know where Ricky went?" I ask them,
"I think he went upstairs," Red shrugs, "No idea, sorry babe," Ash says to me,
"All good! Thanks guys, I'll see you later," I tell them and make my way upstairs.
I pass Carlos along the way, and after a small dance battle, obviously I won, I leave him, still looking for my boyfriend. I think I see his curly hair from across the room, but when I called out, nobody turned around.
Pulling out my phone, I realise we've been here for almost an hour and I haven't really seen Ricky since we arrived. 'Where r uuuu, I miss u xo' I text him, and put my phone back into my pocket. There aren't as many people upstairs, but EJ has a huge house so I wonder around making small chit chat with some friends, still keeping an eye out for my man. No text back from him yet, and I just start feeling really weird. He's nowhere in sight, and I start to make my way down the hall to head back to my friends downstairs, when I see from the corner of my eye some girl exiting a room, straightening her hair a little. I pay no attention until I see someone walk out after her, adjusting his shirt.
Wait.
I feel my heart drop into my stomach, and my breathing stop.
No. There's no fucking way.
My hearts start to race and I feel the tears already streaming down my face. What the fuck is happening, what the fuck is happening.
Can someone tell me why Ricky just came out of that room with that girl right now.
"Nini? Fuck, are you okay?" I hear someone ask me, EJ I think. I just keep staring at Ricky, and EJ follows my eyes and sees what I'm seeing.
"Ricky?" He says, and Rickys head moves our way hearing his name. He sees me and his mouth drops, his eyes widen. Something in me snaps and I turn and run downstairs. Pushing my way through the crowd of people, I struggle to get out of this house fast enough. I hear him calling out to me, and I bolt out of the front door. My tears blocking my view, I fall on the footpath outside, and Ricky catches up to me.
"Nini." he says, reaching down to help me up.
"Don't fucking touch me." I spit out at him and watch him stumble back from my words.
"Nini, please, listen," he says fumbling around,
"Listen to you? I don't even want to look at you right now!" I yell at him, as I get up, knees and palms stinging from my fall.
"I can explain Nins," he says, his voice straining. His eyes are starting to well up.
"Did you just cheat on me?" I blurt out, and by the expression on his face, I already know the answer. No no no no no no no. Holy shit. What the fuck. This doesn't feel real. No. Please. Please no. I can feel my heart physically shatter. My Ricky wouldn't do this, he wouldn't fucking do this.
"I am so sorry Nini." Rickys says, his voice quivering. Tears fall from his eyes, like he's the one hurting right now. I can't keep it in and I crumble to the ground, sobbing like the idiot I am.
We hear the front door open and close and our friends are there standing outside looking at us confused. I'm too gone at this point to even care that I look like a blubbering mess. I just feel so broken and defeated. My heart hurts so much.
"What's going on?" Red asks, as our friends take in what they're seeing.
I look at Ricky, tears cascading down my cheeks and he says nothing. He just stands there, hands in his pocket, and it pisses me off. I'm the one who is fucking shattered, I'm the one he just broke. So why does he think he can stand there looking devastated, not owning up to.
"Why don't you do the honours, babe?" I snap at him, my voice coming out like acid.
"I, uh, I" Ricky stutters, and looks at me desperately, stepping forward, "please Nini."
"Don't come any closer to me ." I say backing away, "Tell them."
"I, I just," he chokes out, still looking at me. Seeing the girl he supposedly loves get absolutely destroyed. Fine, he doesn't have the balls to tell them. I guess that means I will. Even though the thought of it makes me feel so dirty and sick.
"Ricky here, love of my life, light of my world, just cheated on me upstairs," I tell our friends, and they all stand there dumbstruck.
"No, he wouldn't do that. He couldn't do that," Red says, defending at his best friend.
"You didn't cheat on Nini, right? This is a just misunderstanding." Red mumbles out.
Ricky shakes his head, and looks at me again, "I did. I'm so sorry." He whispers, tearing falling down his face. My heart breaks into a million pieces, and I crumble into the ground again. Seb and Kourt rush over, and help me back up.
"Nini," I hear Ricky say,
"Don't you dare," Seb tells Ricky.
Red looks disgusted and turns to walk back into the party. Gina walks up to Ricky and slaps him across the face before looking at me painfully, I nod at her, and she follows Red. Ash and Carlos just stand there in disbelief, before walking to give me a hug and they walk back into the party as well. I stand there, looking at the boy who just two hours ago told me he loved me, and feel like I'm about to vomit.
"Hope it was worth it Ricky. We're fucking done." I choke out, and walk off into the night with Kourt and Seb in tow.
"Nins, wait!" he calls out from after us. I snap back around,
"I hate you," I say quietly, and turn back around and walk into the dark. I hear from behind us EJ consoling a crying, swearing Ricky as we walk off, and my heart hurts a million times more. That didn't just happen right? He didn't do that, he wouldn't do that.
We walk about 20 metres before I break down onto the ground and cry until I can't breathe. The last thing I remember is getting into Kourts car next to Seb and driving away as I sob uncontrollably.