Worth Everything.

Confrontations.

RICKY

"I don't know man, I probably shouldn't have come tonight. What if Nini is here? I don't want to ruin her night." I tell Red as we walk up to Ash's. Nini and I haven't spoken since the night at the park. It was startling, the way she kind of went numb. I was expecting anger and yelling and tears, but she was just so complacent about it. And the car ride home, holy shit, was so tense and uncomfortable. I don't know, it wasn't what I was expecting. It wasn't the Nini I used to know, and I think that's why I found the whole thing so jarring. It's like I barely know her anymore. She used to be my best friend, majority or my life, and now? I don't know, it's confusing.
"She's not going to be here, she texted earlier saying she was too tired from work." He replies back.
"Oh, is she working at Zees again this year?" I ask referring to the cafe she's worked at for years now. Of course she is, stupid question.
"Yeah, they've come out with this really good soy iced chocolate frappe thingy. We should get one tomorrow!" Red says enthusiastically with a smile, clearly forgetting that Nini probably hates me and wouldn't take too kindly to seeing me at her workplace. I shrug in response, scrunching my face a little at the suggestion and mutter out a maybe.
"Oh, right. Yeah you guys aren't talking. Sorry, forgot." He says his face falling a little. He seems a little off, wonder what that's about. I don't get the chance to ask though because we're now walking through the door into Ashs.
"Not many people here?" I ask Red looking around and seeing nobody.
Red shakes his head in response, replying that "Na man, it's just us", and leads me into the living room where we are greeted by the others. Including myself, there's only eight here. Red, Ash, EJ, Carlos, G, Seb, Kourt and myself. Only one person missing. My mood slightly dampens at the realisation. I bet everyone else is feeling the same way.. No, not going to think about that tonight. I just want to have a good night.

A couple hours later and everyone who is drinking is fairly tipsy. Nope, still not me, but I am having a good time so far with everyone. Of course, there's that lingering ache, almost, of someone missing, but I'm trying to push that aside and enjoy the time with everyone.
I'm currently sitting with EJ and G, laughing about some stupid high school memory out on the back patio of Ashs.
"I was being dramatic, it didn't hurt that much." EJ wheezes out, spilling some beer from his cup as he laughs loudly,
"I knew it! The throw wasn't even hard!" I exclaim back, glaring at him jokingly. I knew he was faking it! I don't actually care though, it's pretty funny. That basketball 'bro' incident from back in the day haunts me to this day, and the ass was faking it. Maybe he's a better actor than I thought. I laugh to myself as well as with G and EJ.
"But your nose started bleeding?" Gina says through laughs,
"Yeah, my nose bleeds really easily. Doesn't take too much to set it off." He says back snickering.
"Everyone thought I was such an asshole for that! Thanks man." I say and nudge him playfully, and he shrugs back laughing letting a sorry out.
"I missed this! Us hanging out! We have to hang out this summer before everyone leaves me!" Gina says loudly as she throws her arms around both of our necks.
"Sure G," I tell her while EJ nods in agreement. She lets us go and takes another drink from her cup.
"Good! All of us! I miss it." She says again, emphasising on the 'all of us'.
"I get it, you and Nini are complicated, but it's just not the same anymore. I wish she was here tonight." She continues with a pout. I know she's only saying this out loud because of the alcohol, but it's all pretty valid. We all go a little quiet. Ha, that got awkward real fast.
"Anyone need a refill? I'm empty!" G says as she stands up drinking the last of her bottle to which we both shake our heads no and watch as she goes inside.
The air is still a little thick with tension from what G said a second ago, and now I am left with EJ. He and I are yet to speak about the Nini situation. I'm not overtly mad or anything, not anymore anyway. I had to get over my ego for that. Guess, I'm kind of just shocked and confused that he would do that again knowing our history, especially now that we're pretty good friends.. A little hurt to admittedly, but that's definitely a jealousy issue I think. I decide I'm not going to say anything unless he does though, fuck that awkwardness. Instead we sit in silence. This is awkward as well though, shit. I sit a little restlessly, my knee bouncing, and EJ takes a long drink from his bottle.
"Look man, I'm sorry that Nini and I kissed." EJ blurts out. Right, I guess we are talking about it.
"Yeah, no it's okay. Don't sweat it man." I say brushing it off. OK, that was a little dishonest.
"You say that, but I'm not convinced." He says and takes a sip from his bottle. There's honestly no point in lying, so
"Ok yeah, fine. It was kind of shitty. Why'd you do it?" I ask, not bothering to hide small hint of annoyance I suddenly feel.
I hear him sigh, and put his bottle down.
"Honestly? A couple factors."
I gesture my hand outwards, motioning for him to keep talking.
"I was lonely, and homesick. Nini was there and made me feel comfortable and less isolated, and I think it was the same for her." He tells me, staring out into the darkness.
"I guess that makes sense," I tell him, as I drum my fingers lightly on my knee,
"Really?" EJ says, shock evident in his tone.
"Being lonely sucks sometimes." I say shrugging back and he nods and then sighs, raking his fingers through his hair.
"It does, and she offered this familiar comfort that made me feel better. I don't know. I guess, another reason is that she's gorgeous, and I'm clearly, at least, physically attracted to her."
I can't help but feel the surge of jealousy run through me. She is beautiful, so much so. Both inside and out. I see that, so of course other people do. I have no reason to feel this way, so I dismiss it.
"Dude, you asked." EJ says which makes it obviously clear that I wasn't doing that good of a job hiding how I felt.
"Yeah, I know. Do you like her?" I ask, feeling like a pathetic school boy with a stupid crush. "Not that it's any of my business" I quickly throw in, already overthinking the question.
"Not romantically, no." He says as he scratches his arm and shakes his head, "fuck, it's more of an admiration I guess. I'm really not interested in her like that, you know? I don't want to be with her, but it's hard to deny how, like, amazing she is."
"I think I understand. Still kinda pissed though." I say truthfully. It was kind of how I felt with Gina when she first moved to Salt Lake. How could I not acknowledge that G was this talented, determined, beautiful girl and not be swept up in it?
"I would be pissed as well," He says shrugging
"Uh, so any other reasons?" I ask because it seemed like he hadn't quite finished yet. He sighs and scratches the back of his head. He's uncomfortable, hmm.
"I mean, I also wanted to. My body reacted instantaneously to her." Seriously? I know I asked, but seriously? I don't get the chance to say anything before he carries on though.
"But I'm glad nothing more happened okay? You popped into my head and it was like a bucket of cold ice was thrown on me. I pushed her off, and we went to bed, separate rooms. She left the next morning and hadn't spoken about it until her Welcome Home party."
"You thought about me while kissing Nini?" I ask teasingly, trying to lighten the mood despite my being still a little peeved. At the end of the day, they were both single, and could do whatever they wanted. It's not like I've been innocent, so I need to stop being a hypocrite.
"Yeah, secrets out. I'm in love with you. Shut up dude." EJ says sarcastically as he rolls his eyes and laughs a little,
"I'm just being a jealous dick. You didn't have to explain yourself, sorry man." I say with a sigh, scratching the back of my neck.
"I really thought you were going to blow up on me, I wouldn't have blamed you." EJ says,
"Well I thought about it, but there were no basketballs around to throw at your face again." I say shrugging, and we burst out laughing at the prior conversation, "No, but seriously. You're both single and can do whatever. Egos bruised, but it is what it is." I continue with a shrug.
"Don't judge me for being sappy, but I value our friendship more than a girl," EJ takes a breath, continuing "Even if that girl is the amazing Nina Salazar-Roberts."
I nod in acknowledgement, and mutter to myself "She really is amazing." and hear EJ chuckle quietly to himself.
I look at him, confused, to which he shakes his head and says
"Still?" With a half smirk and an eyebrow raise.
"Always man, fucking always."

I stayed at the party for a couple more hours and ended up having a pretty decent time before heading back home, alone. Red stayed the nigh at Ash's obviously. A quick recap/notable mentions of the entirety of the night as follows for those interested (Ricky, you're literally thinking to yourself-- oh whatever, here's the list)

• We all painted our nails, I'm currently sporting an emerald green colour and I quite like it.
Harry Styles who?
• Carlos and Red ended up getting a little high and ate a whole ass chocolate cake.
• Red spent a good hour in the bathroom after that. That buttercream messed him up. Poor Ash.
• Seb and Kourt still didn't talk to me. I get it.
• Gina ended up falling asleep when she left EJ and I, which makes sense as to why she didn't come back.
• We all sang One Direction.
• Ash cried about One Direction which set off Seb, and Kourt, and then EJ. G and Red were still doing their things at that stage, but I'm sure they would have been just as upset.
• Carlos tried to teach me some TikTok dance that resulted in me ending on face first on the floor. And it was being recorded, so now that's on the internet forever. Cool cool cool.
• Something about Camp Rock.
• Lots of laughing, and talking, and catching up.

And now here I am in my bed smiling to myself because it really was a good night. The only thing that would have made it better was if she was there. And I don't mean it in the sense that I wish she were there for me, no. I mean it because without her our group isn't complete. She's just such a huge part of our lives, and I suppressed that fact after we broke up because it hurt too much to think about. I need to fix things, I've tried to fix things. We both need to try harder. I shake the thoughts from my head though, trying not to focus on the negatives. My mood has upped my confidence however, so I text Red telling him that I'll met him at Zee's around noon tomorrow. Nini and I need to coexist, so going to her workplace seems like a great idea at the moment. Before I put my phone away, I decide to give Nins a text as well. Got to start somewhere? A little something to let her know she was missed tonight, or I don't know. Just an excuse to talk to her. I'm really riding this high I am currently on. I type, then erase, type then erase, type, then erase.. You get the picture, until I'm overthinking and just hit send to clear the screen.
'hey nins. wish u could have come out tonight. we all missed you. hope ur okay. ready to talk whenever u are. rb.'
I put my phone down and close my eyes to fall asleep when I hear my phone vibrate from me bedside drawer. My heart picks up it's pace as I grab for my phone, knocking my water bottle over in the process, as usual. I scramble to pick it up before squinting down at my phone and reading a message from Nini.
'Hey. I was too tired from work, but glad you guys had fun. I miss everyone though.. I know we need to talk about everything, and we will. But right now do you just want to ignore the awkwardness and tension between us and just text like old friends? I think I kinda miss you.'
Act cool, act cool, act cool. Ignore the heart racing, and shortness of breath. She actually wants to talk to me? Me? Richard Bowen??
'of course, i'd love nothing more. tell me about your day nins...'