Worth Everything.

Texts.

I didn't end up going to sleep until like 3am this morning. I was in a good mood after a decent day, and then Ricky texted me and to my surprise, I was happy about it? I don't know if it was because of the residual happiness I was still in from the day, or maybe that I wanted some human interaction, or maybe just because it was him, but I replied and we stayed up messaging for hours, the conversation only ending because I fell asleep. It felt like the old times, and it was really really nice. I scuff my hand over my bed in attempt to find my phone and feel it under my pillow, I know, bad habit. Opening up messages from last night I feel a smile begun to form on my face. You know when you're so tired and it's almost as if you're drunk? And the longer you fight the sleep, the more 'drunk' you get and you start saying things you normally wouldn't when your sober? Yeah. That's what happened to me when we were talking, but unlike with alcohol, I've woken up feeling good. Is it okay for me to feel this way despite us not actually talking about shit we need to talk about? I mean, it can't be a bad thing to wake up happy right? Regardless of the reservations, I stifle through the conversation with a smile focusing on my favourite excerpts..

Around 11:30pm, early on in the messages when Ricky congratulated me being the valedictorian. 
N:'I know, it was crazy and I feel so lucky to be have been chosen for valedictorian. I mean, I don't want to toot my own horn, but I worked my ass off and I'm glad it showed you know?'
R:'really proud of u nins, seriously. its such an accomplishment, but im not surprised at all. ur fucking brilliant nini.'

A brief discussion about his Mom, 11:45pm.

R:'its still hard, but my relationship with my Mom has gotten a lot better in the past couple of years. u obviously saw the start of the mending process, but there were times after um, our breakup, where she was there for me when i needed someone. i actually spent a lot of time w her when i could make it out last year.'N:'Wow, that's awesome Ricky, I'm glad you guys are working through it all.'
R:'yeah, me too nins.'

When I asked Ricky if he was interested in joining our Camp Rock proposed production, midnight.
R:'idk, maybe! i do wish i carried on with the drama club in my senior year though. i missed it so much more than i thought i would.'
N:'Yeah, I understand that. What made you stop?'
R:'well that's a complicated answer that i promise to tell u about later on. what about u tho? are we gonna see you as mitchie?'
'N:I'm going to hold you to that promise, Bowen. Also, ha! Bold of you to assume that I'd be lead.'
R:'i know you will. and, i mean, come on nins. not that bold really..'

12:30am, embarrassing skateboarding memory.
R:'hey nins?'
N:'Hey Bowen.'
'R:remember that time a couple years ago when you weren't paying attention and skated into mazzara.. HAHAHAHA.'
N:'Omg, noooo. Screw you!!'
R:'hahahahaah his papers flew everywhere and you both ended up on the ground hahahaha.'
N:'It hurt!! And I got a frickin lunch detention the next day. He could be such an asshole at times.'
R:'nins, his coffee also spilt all over him and it was only 8:30am HAHAHAH.'
N:'You know, that was the last time I was on a skateboard. Gosh that was so embarrassing. I was only trying to impress you as well, ugh.'
R:'you didn't need to try, you always impressed me. it did however bring me such joy, and still does. hahah so thanks!'
N:'Yes, glad my humiliation provides you with happiness.'

The future. My least favourite conversation lately. 1am
R:'so u mentioned at the park what emma and kaia were doing next year, but what about u? miss valedictorian.'
N:'Ha hmm. It's complicated. To me anyway. I'll tell you once I figure it all out. Sorry to be so vague, ugh. What about you? Any plans?'
R:'a woman of mystery. me? right. ive applied to a couple places all over really. both in and out of state, so i guess ive just got to decide where i want to go. hmm, maybe im complicated too haha.'
N:'Don't you think it's insane that at 18, we're put under this pressure to essentially choose what we want to do for the rest of our lives? 18, can't legally buy alcohol, still battling hormonal acne, yet to find ourselves, and have to have our futures decided before we even leave fucking high school. Crazy.'