Worth Everything.

His Night.

--FLASHBACK--
1+ year ago

RICKY

I don't know what to do. I'm picking Nini up for EJ's grad party, and I'm seriously so torn up inside. Nins and I had this huge heart to heart a couple days ago where I finally told her about having anxiety, and of course, she was the most supportive, wonderful girlfriend any person could ask for. I could tell she was a little pissed that I was hiding it from her, but reassured me that she was always here for me if and when I needed an ear. And she told me that she was going to talk to her parents about transferring back to EHS for our senior year over the next couple of days. Fuck, I love her. I love her so fucking much. Which is why I don't know what the fuck I'm doing right now with these thoughts of breaking up with her. As I drive over to her house so many thoughts run hazardously through my head.
What is she giving up by coming back?
Is it all because of me?
What if she resents me one day for holding her back from what she could have become? 
EHS is a great school, but doesn't compare to what YAC can offer her. 
Why do I feel this enormous amount of pressure about the whole thing?
Is she really going to be happy coming back?
What if the only reason she is struggling is because of all the arguing, and us missing each other?
Is ending things between us the only way to get her to stay at YAC so she has an easier chance at fulfilling her dreams? I can't think of any other way. I need to think of some other way. I love her. 
But... Am I holding her back?
Fuck. Am I holding her back?
I shake the thoughts out of my head as I approach her house. I can't think of this stuff tonight. I just want a good night with my friends, and more importantly, with my girl. Taking a deep breath, I walk to the Sal-Robs front door, knock and am let in by Carol. 
"She won't be long, last touch ups I think." Carol winks at me, and I smile timidly in return. I hear Nini run down the stairs, and, holy shit. She is the most beautiful girl in the world.
"Wow."
It's all I can say as she comes down the stairs with the biggest smile that sets my heart ablaze. She gives me a humble twirl, laughing and straightening out her dress, before grabbing my hand firmly into hers. She mouths a hi at me, as Carol and Dana wish us a good night.
We head back to my car, and I sneak another look at the gorgeous girl beside me. Am I really going to be stupid and break up with this girl?
"You look beautiful." I tell her, my voice a little shaky. 
"Thank you. You okay babe?" She asks me,
"Yeah, I'm good." I tell her with a smile. 
We reach my car, and I can't help but pull her into me and kissing her so fiercely, everything, in me feels like it's going to explode. 
"I love you always Nins." I whisper to her, my voice thick with emotions.
"I love you, Ricky." She tells me back, emphasising on the 'you', and my heart skips a beat.
We start driving to the party, and I can't help but admire the girl next to me. She is all the wonderful things in the world in one girl, and it's insane that I'm the guy she chooses to love. And here I am thinking about breaking up with her.. Fuck man. What am I doing? I take a few sneaky peeks at her, a couple she catches and smiles at me. 
"You are the most beautiful girl." I tell her earnestly, and she compliments me back and kisses my hand. We drive the rest of the way listening to music, and not letting each others hands go.

The crowd at EJ is bigger than what I would have liked, and it's got me feeling a little nervous. I should have known, he was literally the most popular guy in school, so of course a lot of people are here. Lack of hindsight on my behalf, I guess. Nini has asked a couple time if I'm okay which I really appreciate, and I reply back by kissing her and telling her I'm good. Her cheeks flush and my heart races. We walk inside to a sea full of moving bodies and really loud music. I try to ignore the panic that arises in me and when Nini squeezes my hand, reminding me I'm not alone, some of my anxieties ease up a little. We spot Kourt and Seb over in the corner, and she tells me she's going to go catch up with them. I selfishly don't want to let go of her hand, but I do, wanting her to enjoy the night with our friends. I do, however, kiss her again and try so hard to tell her how much I love her through the action. Her mouth moulds into mine perfectly, and once we pull apart, we're both gasping for air. She smiles shyly at me, telling me she loves me, and heads off to Seb and Kourt. 
I walk around looking for Red, or EJ, or anyone really and feel myself getting overwhelmed at the crowd. Giving everyone a small head nod, I eventually find Red who has a bottle on one hand, and a bag of chips in the other.
"Hey man!" He says as I approach hi, eyeing up the chips.
"Hey, found the snacks I see?" I tease, and steal one from his bag.
"Always, dude, always." He tells me back, and we fall into easy conversation. 
I haven't told anyone, not even Red, about the Nini situation. Maybe I should, maybe talking it through with somebody will help me realise that me breaking up with her is a stupid idea, but I don't want to burden anyone so I keep it to myself. It fucking sucks. Plus, I'm just really confused. I love Nini with everything in me. I know what makes her tick. I know she loves music and theatre and acting and I also know that she is crazy talented at it. And that's why I know if we were to stay together, she will come back to EHS, and in the long road, she won't be happy. I sound conceited, I know, but she'll ultimately be coming back because of me, and having that on my shoulders is enormous. YAC is the perfect place for her, and I just don't know how I can convince her to stay there. 
"You know what I mean?" Red asks laughing which pulls me from my rambling thoughts, and I nod in agreement. 
"Your girl is staring at you with puppy dog eyes, man. You two would be insufferable if you weren't so in love." Red says nudging me, and sure enough, when I follow his eyesight, Nini is staring right at me with such love in her eyes and a smile that could kill me. I give her a small smile back, the thoughts from before creeping their way back into my head, and I see her eyebrows furrow. She says a couple things to her friends, and goes to make her way over to Red and I when Gina sneaks from behind her and gives her a hug. I probably won't see her for another 30 minutes, since they have a lot of catching up to do, re Gray, G's boyfriend who is standing next to her. I'm really happy that Gina is happy, she is seriously one of the best people I have met and deserves every chance of happiness. Like Nini.
FUCK. I need a more quiet place to think and gather my thoughts, and calm the fuck down. My anxiety is skyrocketing right now.
I give Red a quick goodbye, and I know he's concerned about me, but I hurry off before he can say anything. I make my way upstairs passing couples making out on the steps, and see C hanging out with a few other drama kids. I pass them quickly, wanting to go out to EJ's veranda to get some fresh air. I feel a light tap on my shoulder when I'm almost at the door, and turn to see C looking at me with worry all over his face.
"Hey Ricky, hey. Are you okay?" He asks, and I know he means well, but I'm not in the best head space right now, so I rudely give him a nod and step outside. The fresh air welcomes me, and I immediately feel lighter. There's only a few other people out here, a couple making out at the far end, and.. EJ? What's he doing up here? I put a fake smile on, and go sit beside him. We're still not the best of friends, but we are friends none the less.
"It's the man of the hour! Congrats dude!" I tell him, patting his back, and he jumps a little.
"Shit, Ricky! I didn't even see you there." He says to me, and I can tell something is wrong. Ironically, I ask him the question that I hated hearing a second ago,
"Hey, uh, you okay man?" 
"I'm good, I'm good.." He lies, then sighs and shakes his head.
"Fuck, na, I'm not. Bella just broke up with me. Said that it'll be too hard to do the long distant thing with me being in California and her going to Texas. She's right, but it's still shit. Long distance just doesn't work, man.. Oh fuck, you and Nini are the exception though. You guys are the power couple. Sorry that was cringey. I just, yeah. I'm just letting myself wallow like a little bitch for a few, before heading back down, you know?" He blurts out and I don't really know what to do or say. I'll probably say the wrong thing, but I may as well try.
"That really sucks. I'm sorry about that man. Nothing wrong with wallowing though, everyone goes through it, just take as much time as you need to." I tell him, a little stiffly, back, and he laughs.
"Yeah, it does suck. But thanks bro. Do you mind if I could be left alone? It'll make me feel less pathetic." He says truthfully, and I stand to leave him.
"It's not pathetic to be sad, EJ. And I'll be here if you need someone to talk to. No more of this societal toxic masculinity." I say and head back inside. I think Kourt, Ash and G are rubbing off on me, but honestly, I'd say for the better. 
Well, that was a good distraction of the chaos in my head, but stepping back inside, feeling the bass of the music pump through the house, the anxiousness does show it's face. I just need to take some deep breaths, and I'll feel myself again. I glance around and see that C and the others have probably gone downstairs to join the party and the only people up here are the people trying to hook up, and the people needing an slight escape. I'm the latter. I miss Nini. I start making my way downstairs to search the crowd for my girl, and feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. Grabbing it, I look down and see a message from Nins,
'Where r uuuu, I miss u xo'  it reads, and I let out a huge smile. No matter what, no matter how stupid I'm being, how sad I am, how anxious I may feel, there is just something about this girl that makes me happy. 
I'm smiling down at my phone so much, I don't realise there is someone in front of me until it's too late and I feel liquid running down my chest.
"Oh, shit! I'm so sorry! I'm such a klutz!!" The girl in front of me say. 
"No, I wasn't watching. Shit, my bad." I tell her, not recognising her.
"Oh, your top is all wet. Fuck, I'm sorry." She says, and her cheeks flush in embarrassment.
"Seriously, no big deal. I'll just wear one of EJs tops, his room is down the hall." I say and turn to go,
"Uh, does he have a bathroom nearby? My drink somehow managed to splash onto my face and hair, and I'm sticky." She asks me, and I nod and lead the way to his room. 
"I'm Ricky, by the way."
"Kenzie. I'm a family friend of the Caldwells." She says and we step into EJ's room, which luckily has no one inside. I point to his en-suite, and she goes inside, closing the door behind her. I grab a T-Shirt from his closet, hope like hell it isn't new or expensive, and take my dirty one off, drying my chest off and put his on. I start to think about Nini, and the guilt in me comes back. Fuck, I should just talk to her about everything. It's going to be hard, but not being with her? Seems impossible. 
"You decent?" I hear Kenzie ask, and I yell a yes out and she walks out. Her hairs a little damp, and face free of the makeup she had one just a second ago, and my guilt doubles.
"I really am sorry." I tell her, and she shrugs, assuring me it's all good and heads out the door, with me not being too far behind her. 
EJ's top is slightly too big for me. I'm kind of lanky, and he plays water polo. Our bodies are different, so I try adjust the shirt as I step out. 
I hear EJ say my name, and look up to see him and Nini staring at me. Her mouth is open, and she looks pale. Fuck, what the fuck happened? I start going into panic mode and rush her way, but she darts down the stairs. 
"What happened? Is she okay?" I ask, as EJ yells out,
"Are you fucking kidding bro! We saw you come out of that room with another girl!" and I freeze. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK. Nini thinks I just cheated on her. Oh no, FUCK.
I sprint downstairs, pushing through the people and my heart is pumping. I need to find Nins. I spot her outside, and run after her, calling out her name. She makes her way to the path before tripping, and falling over. 
"Nini?" I say and reach down to help her up.
"Don't fucking touch me." She hisses at me, and I step back.
No, no, no. Fuck.
"Nini, please, listen," I beg and look at her, seeing nothing but hate and disgust in her eyes. NO FUCK.. I know what I have do. I have to lie. I have to break up with her, because she needs to stay at YAC.
"Listen to you? I don't even want to look at you right now!" She yells at me as she fumbles to stand. FUCK.
"I can explain Nins,"
"Did you just cheat on me?
Oh my fucking shit. Ricky. Don't do it. Don't fuck this up again. Tell her the truth. I didn't cheat. I would never.. But I'm holding her back from fulfilling her dreams. I'm draining her and her happiness. So I look at her tears falling down my face, and with a shaky voice, I tell her,
"I am so sorry Nini." I really am Nins, fuck. I watch as the girl I love falls to the ground, letting out the most heart wrenching sob I have ever heard. My heart feels like it's going to stop beating. 
Tears are streaming down my face, and I want nothing more than to tell her the truth. But I can't, I can't keep doing this to her, so I just stand there like and idiot and watch her heart break into a million pieces in front of me.
"What's going on?" I hear Red from behind me, and notice that all our friends are watching this shit show. I'm starting to feel numb and I don't reply. I just want Nini to be okay. I'm fucking everything up.
"Why don't you do the honours, babe?" I hear Nini spit out, and I mumble incoherently back.
"Don't come any closer to me. Tell them." My heart hearts. This is so fucking painful.
I choke out something, but can't. I'm watching the girl I am in love with break down and start to hate me, and it's my fault. But I'm not doing anything to stop it.
"Ricky here, love of my life, light of my world, just cheated on me upstairs." she sobs out sarcastically, and everyone is dumbstruck.
Red comes to my defence, being the fantastic best friend he is, and I break out of my trance, looking at Nins, and whispering
"I did. I'm so sorry." Tears, so many tears. Nins crumbles again, and I try to help her, but Kourt and Seb beat me to it. They look at me with disgust. 
"Don't you dare." Seb snaps at me.
I look back at my friends, who all look like they hate me, and I don't blame them. I hate me too. Red walks back into the house, without saying another word. Gina slaps me. It'll hurt in the morning, but I can't feel anything but heart break for the girl crying on the ground. Ash and C hug me, they fucking hug me, and I don't deserve it.
FUCK. FUCK. What the fuck have I done?? 
"Hope it was worth it Ricky. We're fucking done." I hear Nini say, and I snap my head back. No, I can fix this. I regret it, I can fix this. I call for her, and she whips her head back, her cold eyes piercing through me, and whispers,
"I hate you."
EJ wraps his arms around me as I fall to the ground crying. 
"NO! FUCK! GET OFF ME! FUCK!" I choke out, thrashing around. 
She disappears from my sight, and my heart is shattered.
"FUCK!!! NINS PLEASE, NO! FUCK, fuck, fuck."
What the fuck have I done!!!!!!!
The last thing I remember is crying so much I vomit, EJ being with me the entire time, and me calling out to the girl who now hates me with everything she has.