I'd rather be me and you

The Roomate and the Room

Seen as this diary contains my deepest and darkest secrets I might as well say that there are some important rules I now follow. I don't really have a reason for them, they are just things I think future me should know not to do, they only make things worse so why the hell should I do them?

1. Don't apologise for everything. Not everything is your fault.

2. Look after yourself. You always wanna put others first (I'd know. I'm you) but a lot of the time that's the issue. Sure look out for people, but make sure you prioritise yourself because you matter just as much as others, there will never be another Janis Sarkisian.

3. Look after mom. She tries to stay strong for you but she doesn't have to. Show her she can have moments of weakness. Please.

4. Never leave him.

5. Just don't.

"While Janis is here she will continue to undergo therapy with Taylor as her personal and group therapist, Kate and Ashley with make sure she keeps on track with her education as well as keep track of her interactions with other kids in our care." Erika turned to me, "For the first couple of days we will understand if you don't wanna join in with the group activities, they aren't obligatory but we do insist you attend some of them as it will help you make friends faster."
I nodded, looking at my hands, I didn't want to make friends, I wanted to be at home with my mother watching stupid movies and eating my body weight in popcorn.

"Rooms are often shared between two children of the same gender but considering the circumstances and your sexuality Janis we thought it would be better if we put you in a room with a boy." Erika explained kindly, "He's very excited to meet you and should be down in a moment."
As if on cue there was a quiet knock at the door and a boy about the same age as me walked In, he had dark blond hair and blue eyes, red cheeks and a playful smile.

"Ashley sent me down. She said you wanted to see me." He said, nervously eyeing up Erika.
"Yes Damian, come in I want to introduce you to someone." Erika said motioning the boy toward her and then pointing to me, "This is Janis. She's going to be your new roommate so I really hope you two get along."

For a moment Damian looked confused, almost as confused as I had been when Erika said he was my roommate, but then his face broke into a smile and he put a hand out for me to shake.
His hand was soft and warm when I took it (Soft and warm is probably the best way to describe Damian actually, cause he is indeed soft and unbelievably warm), I had an immediate feeling of safety when we touched but that was something I wouldn't come to proply understand in till our Junior year.

"Do you wanna come up and see our room? It's small but cosy, if you don't like how it's decorated we can change it but I think it looks beautiful!" His words came out at such a speed that it took me a moment to register what he had said but as soon as I did I looked to my mother, who had a small smile on her face.
"Go sweetheart, I won't leave without saying goodbye I promise." She said kindly. That was all it took, Damian grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the room, laughing as Kate saw us and shouted for us to slow down, and making me laugh at the same time. I didn't even know the boy but his entire aura was infectious.

When we stopped running we had reached a white door that had a piece of paper stuck to the front of it. The paper read:

If found please return this room to,
Janis and Damian.
Thanks.

I laughed at how silly the sign was. There were little doodles all around the writing of playbills, stuffed animals and the gay pride flag. It was really quite cute, it also ment that Damian was probably gay or bisexual because he wouldn't have done that or been aloud to room with me if he wasn't. I began to bounce on the balls of my feet, I wanted to see what was behind the door. Desperately.

When he finally did open it I gasped, it looked nothing like I thought a room in what was basically a hospital would look like.
There were fairy lights strung from each corner of the room, crisscrossing  and overlapping one another, making the ceiling look like it was full of stars. There were two beds, one with white sheets and a plush blue blanket on the end and the other with white sheets and a plush yellow blanket on the end, I saw my suitcases leaning against the yellow bed and smiled, it was mine.

The walls on Damians side of the room were full to the brimming with playbills from almost every musical I could think of, it was stunning.
The room had one wardrobe, it was split between me and Damian so one of the doors was plastered with posters and decorations while the other one was blank, just solid wood.
There was also a desk, it was only small but it had two chairs which we're tucked neatly under it. Much like the wardrobe the table was half full of pens, pencils, notebooks and other clutter. Both sides of the table had a laptop, something that was probably there for the schoolwork.

The curtains were a cream coulor but were pulled back letting the small amount of sun that was still out, into the room and giving everything a soft golden glow that looked heavenly.
Each bed had a bedside table that held a lamp a small alarm clock and an assortment of books, presumably for us to read before bed.

"If you don't like it we can redecorate!" Damians voice cut through my marvelling and I realised I had probably been two quiet for him to still feel confident about the room.
I shook my head, "No No you don't need to worry I love it."
His face lit up, making me smile brightly at him, "Really? You like it?"
"Yeah. It's like home. Cosy but beautiful." I looked at him for a moment, not sure what to say, "I- Uh- thank you."

His quizzical glance told me he didn't understand, "For what? I haven't done anything."
I felt my face lift into a gently smile which I hoped wasn't creepy, "You've made me feel at home already. I thought that would take me months."

For a moment he didn't say anything, just stared at me like I was the most curious thing in the world, "Would it be okay if I hugged you?" He then asked quietly.
"That would be nice."

He pulled me in, wrapping in a warm hug that I couldn't help but return, it made my insides melt and me feel safer that I had in a long time. It was then I realised that at the Home I was safe. There was no Regina to taunt me, no Shane Omen to trip me up in the halls or shove me into lockers and there was no expectations that I couldn't fufill. The people here only wanted me to get better and for the first time in what felt like centuries, I was sure I would.