I'd rather be me and you

The Message

I know I warned you to stop reading if you weren't me, but at this point I don't care. You already know all my secrets so what the hell! Read away.

After the Party things at the Home were on an upwards spiral, it didn't seem as if things could get worse and I was and had been happy for a prolonged amount of time for the first time in months.

It's only fitting that something had to go wrong. And go wrong it did. Just not in the way I expected.

Because I was at the Home and I wasn't seeing my mother every day I messaged her a lot, I'd even talk to Marlene on FaceTime while Damian does embarasing things behind me or begins an in depth conversation with her whilst I'm in the bathroom. And it was fine, I totally didn't mind that he was getting along better with my mum and sister then I did most of the time, wasn't bothered at all.

As my stay at the Home got longer my calls with Marlene got less and less frequent and her health got worse and worse. She always got sick as a baby, catching smallpox three days after she recovered from the flu and then being bed bound for two weeks just fighting to recover. She had never been a healthy child and that worried me. A lot.

"So Mar, how's school going?" I asked as me and Damian stretched out on my bed on our stomachs so we could both be seen in the camera.
"Um...well I haven't been going that much. Not recently anyway." The literal clone of me on the other end of the call said sheepishly.
"What? Why not?" I asked quickly, fear creeping into my voice.
"It's nothing, I just caught pneumonia And mum wants me resting, so I'm homeschooling for now." She explained as she shifted in her bed.
"Pneumonia...Again Marlene? Why didn't you tell me?" I was a little hurt, she was my sister, I had the right to know if she was ill, especially this ill.
"Mum said not to tell you." Marlene admitted, "She said she didn't want you worrying about me and not about getting better."

I sighed,"Mar sweetheart not telling me things like this just worries me more, I'm your sister I can't help it."
"I know Janey, I tried to tell her you'd be upset but she wouldn't listen, she just wants you home I think." Her words were cut off by a bout of coughing, "She's just really worried about you."
"Yeah I know Mar. But she should be worried about you, you're her priority right now." I didn't like to think about how unfair it must seem to my sister that our mum always focuses on me because it was unfair and I hated it.
"Janey?"
"Yes Mar?"
"I love you. I don't think I say that enough, but I do, I do love you."
"I know sweetheart, I love you too, so much more than you'll ever know. Now get some sleep, I'll speak to you soon okay?"

Once the call ended I turned on my side and looked at Damian, "She's sick again." I mumbled dejectedly, "Why would they not tell me that she's sick again?"
Damian just gave me a sad look, "I don't know sweet, your mother is worried about you and Marlene all at the same time, maybe she's just a little lost on her own."
I nodded, snuggling into his chest as he pulled me into a hug, "I just want them to be okay."
Damian kissed my forehead, "I know you do love, I know you do."

The next morning I woke up and everything felt wrong. It wasn't even something I could explain, I wasn't anxious, not at first anyway, I knew the feeling I got when I was anxious and the fuzzy feeling that was in my head wasn't it. There was something wrong. I just didn't know what.
Damian seemed weary as well, he took one look at me when we woke up and I knew he felt something too, it was a very strange feeling, knowing that whatever it was you were feeling someone else was as well.

When I asked at a later date, Damian told me I went through the day as if I were sleepwalking, he said that was why he was worried, because I had been off all day. There was a knot in my stomach and it wasn't coming lose, infact it got tighter with every breath and step I took untill eventually it was choking me without anyone else being aware.

It was that night at dinner when I finally found out why I had felt so strange, when I finally found out what was wrong.

"But what is the more superior side? The chip or the fry?" Damian asked JD, one of the older boys who looked just as done as I was with the day, only he looked like that everyday.
"The fry. Obviously." JD drawled, taking a bite of his fry and smirking at Damian as he did so.
"Oh how wrong you are..." Damian had a thing for being dramatic, on any other day I would have laughed at his antics, but not today, it didn't feel, right somehow, "JanJan you okay?" He turned to me, a concerned expression plastered on his face.
I hummed in response, poking at the food on my plate but not really eating anything, I wasn't hungry, at all.

The phone in the office went off, making me jump and making Erika exchange a look with Barrett and Grey which she probably ment for us not to see. Then she got up and disappeared into the room the noise was coming from.
I looked at Damian, "That's not supposed to happen right, the calls are patched through to the firm this late at night aren't they?" I felt the knot in my stomach tighten in fear as I asked this, not really wanting an answer from him.
"Yeah, we're not supposed to get the calls. Not at this time." He looked equally worried, "We only get calls if it's an emergency."

Erika reappeared in the doorway, her pretty blue eyes downcast, "Janis can you come with me for a moment, someone has called for you." She said not making eye contact with me.
The table went quiet, everyone turned to look at me and I felt my levels of anxiety shoot through the roof, this was bad this was really really bad. I just knew it.
I stood and pushed my chair away, taking no notice when Damian squeezes my hand comfortingly before I leave, I felt sick and scared.

Once in the office Erika shuts the door and hands me the phone, a terrified look in her eyes.
"Hello?" I whisper, without meaning to, I hadn't been told who was calling.
"Janis?" A gruff, sad but friendly voice called through the phone.
I gasped slightly, "Uncle Jim, what's wrong why are you calling?"
"Jan sweetie there's been a... um development." He said, clearly keeping something from me.
"What? Is it mum? Marlene?"
"Sweetie your sister was taken to hospital in the early hours of this morning."
"What?" My voice is shaking, I know that but I can't help it.

"She took a turn during the night and-and it's bad. She's not looking good. Your mum's with her now."
"Why didn't you call this morning? Why did you wait till now?" I felt the tears begin to trickle down my cheeks as my worst fear came true.
"They didn't want to worry you but um- the pneumonia is severe, there's quite a bit of water in her lungs, the doctors aren't sure if she'll live." His voice cracked at the same time as my heart broke, Marlene was sick, and she might not get better, I might lose her for good.
Oh. God.

He explained it all to me, what they were going to do to help, how everything could be okay. Could. Not would. When the phone call ended I felt my limbs go slack and I dropped the phone, my knees buckling and hitting the floor with a loud thud.

I didn't go back to dinner.