I'd rather be me and you

The Director

The days blurred into weeks and soon I had been at the Home for three months. Which was crazy considering the face that I swore to my mum I wouldn't be there longer than three weeks (She didn't believe me of course).

Marlenes birthday had come and gone, we had all gone out for dinner and though I felt bad for leaving Damian I had a good time and he assured me I was aloud to live my own life.

The nightmares didn't stop, and my anxiety got worse, worrying Taylor a lot and giving Damian a reason to be his usual overprotective self. I was supposed to be getting better and most of the time it felt as if I had been getting worse. I'd been taking steps backwards in therapy instead of opening up more, this no one understood, not even me.

On the days were I actually felt okay I would have this inexplicable sickening feeling in my stomach and it took me a while to realise why that was, once I did though, I only felt worse. It seemed as if everything was falling appart and I hated it.

"Alright you two up we get!" Greys voice broke through my sleepy haze as he burst into the room and pushed the curtains aside, letting in the bright beams of sun and stunning me momentarily.
Damian groaned from the other side of the room, pulling the covers over his head and beginning to snore again, I found myself laughing and slipping out of my bed to jump on his, bouncing on my knees and successfully waking him up.

"JANIS!" He cried rolling over and knocking me off the bed as Grey laughed in the background.
I landed on the floor hard but hadn't let go of his covers and had pulled them off the bed as well.
"Okay I'm up!" The barely awake boy moaned, pulling his covers back onto the bed and then helping me up off the floor, "Why am I up?" He asked turning to Grey with an annoyed expression.

"The directors coming today and you kids made a mess downstairs last night!" Barrett stood by the door, a cheeky grin plastered on her face, "I am not going to be the one to clean it up so have fun with that!"
"We weren't the only ones there!" Damian pointed out crossing his arms.
"And you're not the only ones awake. Everyone is!" Grey fired back, a pointedly raised eyebrow in his direction.
"Get dressed and get downstairs, we have some pancakes waiting but if you're not quick you'll miss out!" The adults then disappeared, their voices carrying down the halls as they woke the last of us up.

I turned to Damian with a nervous look, "Who's the director?"
He grinned at me as he dug around in our shared wardrobe for something to wear, "Oh the director is the boss of all of the Homes in our district, she's really nice and usually brings cookies when she visits."
I nodded along and pulled a dress out of my side of the wardrobe, wanting to look decent seen as I was meeting someone important.
Damian grinned again when he saw the dress, "Are you actually dressing like a lady today?" He teased as I slipped into it, the fabric was soft and silky, a dark purple colour with white flowers stitched into it. It didn't hug my curves or anything and I preferred that, it only pinched in slightly at the sides to add a little shape.

I stuck my toung out at him and slipped on some knee high black socks, putting my boots on after, "I've never met the woman. Sorry I want to make a good impression!"
Damian chuckled, "You will. It's practically guaranteed, Tina loves all the kids here like they are her own." He had picked a nicer outfit aswell, opting for a plain white shirt, instead of his usual flannel, and pulling on black jeans with his favorited pair of trainers, I had painted them, "I'll plait your hair if you like." He offered, knowing I couldn't style my own hair to save my life, my dark roots were beginning to grow back in making the blond dye job that Mrs George did for me look terrible, I didn't care, I liked it because it meant I was freeing myself from Reginas clutches.

"Please, I'll have to cut it at some point, it's getting too long." I pulled subcontiously at one of the curls, watching it bounce back into place just below my shoulder.
Damian sat me on the floor infront of his bed and began to brush the knots and tangles out of my hair, "I love your hair." He said as he did so, "It's so soft and really healthy considering you bleached it. If I had a little sister I'd do her hair all the time." We fell quiet for a moment as he pulled strands of my hair back into the plait and with the same amount of gentleness a mother has, tied it off at the end, "There! Beautiful! Not that you needed it."
I blushed and stood, taking his hand earnestly, "Come on! Pancakes and tidying await!"

In the end Barrett and Grey did end up helping us clean up, apparently they were on a time limit and I'd heard them get moaned at before by Taylor for letting the living environment get messy, it was safe to say they didn't enjoy that, so they helped. We finished just as Erika walked through the door and I laughed as they both released unnecessarily deep breaths.

Me and Damian were sat on one of the sofas, my legs over his lap while he read a book and I sketched him reading, I really did love drawing him. That was when the director arrived, the air was filled with a kind of nervous activity as Erika came into the room and told us all to behave, the pointed looks she shot some of the more boisterous kids were lost on no one. I felt my stomach clench at the front door opened and I heard voices.
My head was screaming at me not to panic, I couldn't deal with another attack not today, and although my heart was pounding I forced myself to relax as the footsteps grew closer.

As the director turned the corner I felt myself begin to breath normaly again because she looked nothing like I imagend she would, thankfully.
There was a small tote bag in her hand that appeared to contain several Tupperware boxes and her face wore an easy smile that was contagious. She had thick brown hair and big round glasses sat on her face, she looked like a mother.
As she entered some of the older kids rushed forward, taking the bag into the kitchen and exchanging quick pleasantries as they did.
Just like that the nervousness in the air evaporated and people began to talk again.

I was stood chatting to Veronica and JD when she walked over to me, a kind smile on her face, "You must be the new kid, Janis?"
I nodded shyly and shook her outstretched had, "That's me."
"Damian was just telling me about you," she said with a amused look and a raised eyebrow, "Apparently you're a very talented artist."
I blushed and shook my head bashfully, "He oversells it." I replied with red cheeks, "like a lot."
Tina gave me a knowing look, "He showed me some of the drawings you did for him, they are amazing. You should never discredit your talents Janis. Especially when you are as talented as you are."
I felt my face heat up again, "Thank you ma'am."
She laughed again and placed a hand on my shoulder, "Please call me Tina, I hope you are beginning to feel more at home here, Taylor said you have been having some issues opening up."

"I have been," I admitted looking at my shoes, "But Damian helps and everyone has made me feel welcome, I just get anxious sometimes. I didn't used to have people to speak to so it's strange."
Tina nods along and squeezes my shoulder in a comforting manner, "I know for a fact that things to get better, eventually."
"Maybe. But maybe not for me."
"Janis, I know what happend to you and it was horrible, but things will get better. Ask any of the adults who work here, they've all been in your place, I had to care for them all at some point in their lives. You're not alone." She smiled at me one last time before walking away as a gaped at her, everything suddenly made a lot more sense about why none of the adults here treated me like I was broken. And how Barrett had told me she understood that day in the park. They really did. They'd all been in my place.

I suddenly felt a lot better.