IS IT TIME FOR ME TO GIVE UP?

23

Lisa's POV:

Time has swiftly slipped away, with months morphing into days, hours blending into seconds, and minutes disappearing in the blink of an eye. Despite my efforts to evade her, she persists in attempting to reach me out for a conversation.
I've been immersing myself in work, spending entire days in the office and returning home late, or retreat to the solace of my room, finding refuge in the company of my pets, all in a desperate bid to avoid her presence.

No matter what I do to distance myself, the reality remains unchanged. I find myself ensnared in this emotional confinement, surrounded by an overwhelming sense of sorrow. The pain persists, unyielding and relentless, leaving me shattered from within.

Especially this day..

As the day started to unfold, I gently rose from the warmth of my bed, welcomed by the soft touch of sunlight filtering through the curtains. Filled with determination, I began my morning routine, feeling revitalized by the refreshing shower, each droplet awakening my senses and somehow infusing me with energy.

After drying myself off, I sifted through my wardrobe, meticulously selecting a cozy outfit: a snug hoodie, complemented by worn-in jeans, and reliable rubber shoes.

With a racing heart, I made my way to my vehicle, the glossy surface of the car reflecting the flutter of nerves within my chest. As the engine roared to life, its rumble resonated with the rapid rhythm of my anxious thoughts, guiding me through the familiar streets.

A sudden impulse led me to a quaint flower shop, where the delicate fragrance of blossoms enveloped me in a comforting embrace. Amidst the vibrant array of blooms, my eyes settled on a pristine bouquet of white roses, her favorite. With trembling hands, I made the purchase, each petal a symbol of my affection and devotion.

I found myself drawn to an enchanting flower shop, where the sweet scent of blossoms wrapped around me like tranquility. My gaze was captivated by a flawless bouquet of white roses, her favorite. I completed the purchase, each delicate petal a tangible representation of my deep love and longing.

Upon arrival, I took a moment to collect my thoughts, the sharp chill of the cold breeze awakening my senses. Stepping out of my vehicle with deliberate movements, I felt the weight of apprehension hanging heavily upon me.

'In loving memory of Amelia Manoban'

I tenderly placed the flower beside her grave, its delicate petals a silent tribute to her memory. Taking a seat in front, I addressed her softly.

"Hi, Mom. Happy birthday. I had a thought to bring you cake, but then I remembered your distaste for sweets. How are you up there?"

Carefully, I ran my fingers over the cold surface of her tombstone, almost expecting to feel her warmth emanating from within.

"I wish you were here so we could celebrate your birthday anywhere."

My traitorous tears began to flow uncontrollably, betraying my attempts to contain them. Despite my repeated efforts to wipe them away, they persisted, tracing a silent path down my cheeks. Surrendering to the overwhelming emotions, I allowed myself to speak to her once more.

"I miss your comforting embrace, Mom. This pain is unbearable... I feel isolated."

"Despite my continuous reassurance that things will get better , everything will eventually be alright, the pain seems to intensify with each passing day, rather than subside."

"You once told me that marriage would be one of the happiest moments of our lives. But, Mom, I feel the complete opposite. My love for Jennie is tearing me apart, suffocating my heart."

I can't help but to burst out in tears, I might look like a squealing seven years old kid...But i don't care, this pain is devouring me.

"The funny thing is that even after everything she's done to hurt me, my heartbeat remains unchanged. Despite the devastation she's caused, it still beats for her.

But I'm exhausted, Mom. There are moments when I simply wish I could pluck it out and cast it aside. I've reached a point where I've even jeopardized the trust Dad had in me."

"Don't get mad at him if you saw him laid his hand on me. I provoked him to react that way," I uttered, exhaling sharply before continuing.

"I long to return to a time when everything was serene, devoid of heartbreak and pain, filled only with happiness, and you were still by my side."

"But it seems fate has a vendetta against me..." I chuckled bitterly. "Letting me to endure and undergo these agonizing experiences."

"I love you, Mom," I whispered into the stillness.

A smile instinctively graced my lips as I felt the cool breeze covered my entire being. Despite the unceasing flow of emotions, I gently dabbed my face with a handkerchief.

Buckling my knees, I wrapped my arms around myself for comfort. Raising my gaze to the darkening sky, I couldn't help but notice the encroaching gloom.

"Don't be sad, Mom. Are you going to cry too?" I asked softly.

The melancholy clouds began to overshadow the brightness of the sun, casting a somber veil over the cemetery. As darkness enveloped the surroundings, I remained by her grave.

After a while, I felt the mist turning into a steady drizzle, then into a heavy rain. Despite the downpour, I refused to leave, allowing the rain to soak through my clothes as I stayed beside her resting place.

"Don't be sad, Mom... please," I whispered softly, my voice barely audible amidst the heavy raindrops pelting down.

Several hours passed before the sky began to calm, the rain gradually tapering off until it ceased altogether. As the clouds parted, the sun timidly emerged, casting a faint glow over the cemetery.

The butterflies fluttered gracefully around me, their delicate wings dancing in the air. A soft giggle escaped my lips as one of them gently landed on my legs.

"Do you want me to go home, Mom? I'm sorry, but I think I'll stay a lil bit longer," I murmured softly, reluctant to leave her side just yet.

I observed as the butterfly lifted off from my legs and joined its companions in their playful flight.