IS IT TIME FOR ME TO GIVE UP?

42

After we had our lunch, my mom and I separated as I went straight to the company. As soon as my foot stepped into my office, I heard a familiar voice.

"Jennie!" Jisoo beamed.

"Unnie..."

"I forgot the picture yesterday," she said, scratching her nape.

"She already took it," I replied, making her fidgety. "I told her that you just asked me something and nothing more. Don't worry."

I trudged to my couch and let my body slump onto it.

"You good?" Jisoo asked, sitting across from me.

"I am. Lisa might grow suspicious if she saw you here again," I stated with my eyes closed.

"I came from her office first, but she wasn't there," Jisoo replied.

"She is perhaps in a meeting right now," I shrugged.

"Or she's currently with Irene." With that, I raised my head and opened my eyes widely.

"She's with who?" I asked.

"With Irene. Lisa told me earlier," she clarified as I adjusted my seat and took a deep breath.

"Is that so..." I looked at her as she did the same, but Jisoo studied my face intently. "I'm sorry, Unnie, but I have a lot of work that I need to finish," I said, rising up in my seat and grabbing the folders on my desk to distract her.

"You cannot avoid me forever, Jennie," Jisoo remarked.

"I am not. I'm just exhausted and..." I turned to look at her. "...I couldn't tell, because even I don't know it either."

"Can't you trust me? How could I help you if you keep pushing me away?" Jisoo said, her brow knitted in concern.

"Unnie, please...not now," I begged softly. I didn't want to have this conversation, but Jisoo seemed determined to interrogate me.

"Then when?" she demanded, her tone laced with frustration. "I still have a hard time believing you, Jennie, knowing that there's something you're hiding from me...from us."

Silence enveloped us both.

"I know," I finally whispered, the least amount of words escaping from me.

"Dang it, Jennie..." Jisoo hissed, obviously hopping mad. I was so worn out that I didn't have the patience to deal with her, and so I grew annoyed.

"Jisoo, please, just leave me alone!" I retorted, frustrated as I saw Jisoo sigh sharply. "I created this problem, and now it's up to me to face it alone. I'll fix it myself!" I added.

"For God's sake, Jennie! Stop being stubborn. Those kinds of thoughts have sustained you throughout the years, and look where it took you! You made a wrong decision, and all this shit is the outcome!" Her words hit me. I sat back, feeling like my body was suddenly giving up, realizing she was right. I thought I was strong enough to handle this on my own, unaware that I was just making it worse. I looked at Jisoo in her eyes, her eyes expressing concern and pity. Do I already look feeble?

I exhaled. "I didn't want you all to get involved, not even my wife. As much as I can, I want to handle this on my own and not burden any of you. I don't want to be a burden to all of you," I explained truthfully. She breathed out before taking the seat next to me.

"You can't make a proper decision if your mind is in chaos. From the very beginning, whether you like it or not, we're already involved, owing to the fact that all of us are your friends," Jisoo remarked, breaking the toughness I had mustered and built up since then.

Maybe she's right. Darkness will consume me even more if I keep shoving and pushing people out of my life.

---

I went home, having completed all my work, and I hadn't seen my wife around the workplace. Maybe she and Irene were currently enjoying themselves. Kuma's bark made me look down as I lifted him onto my lap.

"You miss your mommy, Lisa?" His tail wagged enthusiastically. I remembered the first time Lisa saw him, her eyes glazing with amusement as she dropped by our house every day just to play with Kuma. That's why I wasn't surprised how Kuma instantly got attached to her.

Kuma hopped down and ran toward the door. He sniffed beneath it, his tail never stopping its enthusiastic wagging. The door opened eventually, revealing Lisa's poker face, which suddenly vanished when she looked down and saw Kuma.

"Kuku!" she said, picking him up. She always talked to Kuma using her baby voice as if he were a real kid.

However, when Lisa took only a few steps with Kuma in her arms, I saw her grunting while massaging her temple. She visibly looked pale. I abruptly drew near her, yet kept a respectful distance.

"Lisa, you look sick..." I was about to reach for her arm, but she held up her hand to stop me.

"Hands off, I can manage," she said, fixing her posture and beginning to walk unsteadily.

Despite her resistance, I stood behind her so I could catch her if she fell.

"Lisa—" I started, worried when I saw her almost stumble, but she had already closed her door, restricting me from getting in.

I stayed in the living room, waiting for her to come out. Thirty to fifty minutes passed before I decided to check on her.

To avoid making any noise, I tiptoed into her room. I observed her features as she lay on her bed, her lips quivering. I grabbed the remote to turn off her air conditioner, but it wasn't even on. Instead, I turned on her fan and set it to a very low setting to at least circulate the air.

"Lisayah..." I softly caressed her cheeks and cursed under my breath, feeling her skin burning hot.

'What to do?! What to do??!!' I ran to my room, grabbing my phone and returning to her.

Shit! It's 3 a.m.? I didn't notice the time. I looked at my wife, who was now shivering.

I reconditioned myself, remembering what Jisoo had said earlier.

'You can't make a proper decision if your mind is in chaos.'

I walked closer to check her temperature again, and it was still the same.

"Lisayah..." I said while brushing her hair off her forehead. A cold sweat had broken out on it, and I mopped it away with my forearm. Her body was shivering so hard, but she was sweating. I was too scared and worried about her. She half-opened her eyes, and I thought she would get mad after seeing me, especially when our faces were now inches apart.

"Cold..." she complained, evidently weak and poor.

"It's already turned off," I said softly, referring to her air conditioner. Her sweat kept coming out, and I kept wiping it away.

"Cold..." She seemed to be in a state of delirium.

I took another blanket to cover her body, hoping to lessen her shivering. Yet, her temperature got higher. I quickly did some research and typed 'how to treat a person with fever.' I followed the instructions, dashed into the kitchen to get a basin with lukewarm water, and went back to Lisa.

Carefully, I removed her blankets, which made her body shiver again.

"It'll be quick, Lisa," I softly assured her.

"Cold..." she muttered under her breath.

To cool her fever, I first placed a cool, damp washcloth on her forehead before sponging her body. Lisa was already wearing her pajamas, but her shirt was coated with sweat, so I needed to undress her and put on a new one. I felt relieved when she stopped shivering and peacefully slept.

I held her hand, caressing it gently. She was now wearing our ring, which made my heart sing for joy in the morning light.

'Do you still love me? If not, will you love me again? Just like before, when out of all people...

You loved me the most.'