Never Have Love At All (Las Mujeres Fuertes Series #1)

CHAPTER 11

"Ryle..."

I bit my lower lip to prevent it from shaking. Nilingon ako ni Ryle at tila nanghihingi nang kasunod ko pang sasabihin but I can't find the right words to say. I'm still nervous even though I didn't do anything badㅡ nahihiya lang ako sa nangyari. I have never imagined that they will meet in that way. Biglaan din masyado. I was planning to tell Ryle first and not this way. Hindi manlang pumasok sa isip ko na magiging ganito.

"I will not tell to anyone unless you want it," he said, his tone is little colder this time. "Matulog ka na, Tallinn."

"Wait! Are you mad at me?" I grabbed his arm to stop him from leaving. "For not telling you first?" I added.

I was hoping at first that he's not mad but seeing him right now, this close, makes me want to pull out of the sadness that is plastered on his face.

Dapat ba sinabi ko agad o iba pa ang pinang-gagalingan niya?

Slowly, he let out a heavy sighed. He then looked at me, opening his arms for a hug. I stared at him for a minute and pouted my lips as I accept his warm hug. I can feel how fast his chest go up and down. Did I hurt him? May feelings ba sa akin si Ryle? Gusto niya ba ako? Because, a heartsick view is visible on his face. He is smiling but his eyes says the opposite. And, eyes don't lie.

Maybe, I knew he is in pain but I was indenial because it couldn't happen. This is chaotic. I couldn't afford to bring mess to people around me. Not again, not anymore.

"No. I'm happy for you," he whispered, kissing the top of my head. "You can love freely, Tallinn. Whoever you want, whoever he is... I'll be happy."

And, I wish I didn't question how he act anymore.

I love Ryle.

And, I want to keep it that way. The way how I could only love him.

Maaga akong nagising kahit halos wala akong tulog. I've been thinking a lot last night. About Ryle, about Aza. All of this. And, I figured out what I'm feeling for Ryle is different from Aza.

I feel free when I am with Aza.

I'm happy when I am with him. Not that I'm not happy when I am with Ryle but its a different kind of happiness.

Aza makes me smile genuinely without questioning things.

And, I love that.

I love how certain things is with him.

We also talked last night and I told him everything. That Ryle is fine with it. I also cancelled our date because I need time for myself. Sa ibang araw nalang ako makikipagkita at okay lang din naman sa kaniya. I just need more time for this and he respects that.

"So, he knew?!" Kylie asked, roaring a loud voice inside our house. "Shit! Anong sabi? Okay lang or na broken ba?!"

"Okay naman?" Walang kasiguraduhan kong sagot.

"Hindi ka sigurado?! Bet ka nga kasi non e! Pero babeㅡ Teka, maloloka ako! Basta follow your heart, Tallinn! Mukha namang okay iyang si Aza. And, I'm gonna kill Davis if not, siya nagsimula niyan e!" She said while looking for a movie or what on Netflix.

Tinawagan ko siya para pumunta rito sa amin. I don't have any energy to go out since I have tons of uninvited thoughts on my mind. Hindi naman pwede si Che dahil may lakad daw siya and as for Api lagi namang MIA iyon, lalo na ngayon. Hindi rin naman nagsasabi but I send some text messages to her everyday, baka kasi may problema and I want her to know that she have me, all of us. While Davis, nagp-polo ata with his friends. Kaya naman kami lang ni Kylie ang magkasama ngayon.