Never Have Love At All (Las Mujeres Fuertes Series #1)

CHAPTER 31

From: Unknown Number
Merry Christmas.

From: Unknown Number
Can we talk in person? This is Aza.

I stared at my phone again, thinking about his last message to me. Binati niya ako noong Christmas. Simula noong maghiwalay kami, ito na ang unang pag-uusap naming muli. No, I did not reply. I still haven't. Ngayon lang talaga siya nag-reach out. He wants us to meet. Gusto raw niya akong makausap. It's already 28th day of December. Tatlong araw narin at hindi ko parin alam ang isasagot ko. But I promised to myself, I need to do this before this year ends. It's been a years, dapat ay handa na ako.

I know my feelings for him isn't the same anymore but there's this thing that I should let go. Siguro for closure narin talaga. Hindi naman kasi maganda talaga ang paghihiwalay namin. Puro sakit lang.

Nakakaubos.

Ayoko nang maranasan ulit 'yon.

So before I back out again, I push my remaining courage altogether to finally do this. I opened my drawer to get the small box that I used to hide there. Ngayonㅡ ngayon ko lang talaga 'to bubuksan.

Gusto ko ng tapusin.

'Yung tapos na talaga.

I bit my lower lip as I opened that black little box. First, my eyes goes to the necklace that Aza gave for my birthday. Ang tagal ko ng hindi nakita 'to. Wala kasi akong choice kung hindi itago. Ayokong maalala si Aza noon. Sobrang sakit nang ginawa niya. If he only could knew how deep all the wounds he gave to me... Baka pati siya hindi kayanin.

But I don't hate him anymore. I'm done with that. Ayoko ng magtanim nang sama ng loob. Hindi narin naman maibabalik at maitatama 'yung dati.

Ibinaba ko sa kama ang kwintas. It was my favorite before but not anymore. Things really change. Ang promise ring naman ang kinuha ko ngayon. This... Still ang ganda parin. Ang ganda-ganda parin. I still remember how happy I was when he gave me this. Araw-araw ko nga itong suot nun. Simple lang kasi pero ang ganda. Akala ko talaga aayain na niya akong magpakasal noon. I chuckled softly, I suprised him that time for our first anniversary pero ako pa ang na-sorpresa.

Sayang lang...

Hindi kami umabot sa altar.

Sobrang minahal ko si Aza. Whenever I feel unsure and unsafe, he'll be there. I have loved him so much. And same goes with him, I'm with him every single steps he's taking. I cheer for him despite of the distance. I opened myself for him, even my soul knew him. Naibigay ko lahat. Lahat-lahat. He saw everything, all of my flaws and imperfections. I shared every single thing to him. He was my best friend and a lover. He was everything to me.

Until it happened.

And, just like that... I went through hell. When he said, he would rather be broken that seeing me breaking... I believed those words but little did we know those words failed us. Parehas parin kaming nasaktan. Parehas na nasira.

I pursed my lips as I reached for his letter. Lukot na lukot na ito dahil sa katagalan ng tupi. Parang anytime ay mapupunit nalang 'yung papel. Pero at least ito nagtagal.

With trembling hands, I opened it. I never thought I will read this letter. Sabi niya noon, huwag ko na raw basahin. Pero bakit niya pa isinulat kung hindi lang din pala babasahin? Sayang. Sayang kung hindi. Parang ang daming mawawala.

Sa tingin ko naman deserve kong mabasa ang laman nun. After all, we still had the best three years of our life together. Kahit natapos nang maaga, kahit hindi nauwi sa altar.

Napanguso ako ng makita ang sulat-kamay niya. Parang bigla nalang bumabalik lahat ng ala-ala. Sobra talaga... Sobrang minahal ko talaga siya.

My eyes started to water as I started reading his letter for me. It feels like he's with me now, reading this out loud. Naririnig ko ang boses niya... Basag. Pagod narin sa nangyayari.